All of a sudden, I just couldn't cope. I can't remember why. And I just remember being at a point where I couldn't contain my sadness. And I was so embarrassed by not feeling that I could cope.
I was humiliated. I was disgusted in myself that I had been somebody that was so in control of my life and my direction that I couldn't keep something that is my right as a woman to be a mother. I couldn't control all of what was, I thought was, expected of me as a mother. And...
Just everything is numb. And you just don't care about anything. Yeah, you're tired all the time and you just want to stay in bed and not bother with anything. You feel guilty all the time as well that you're not coping, and you know, you have a partner that's in a situation that isn't ideal for them either. And you feel like you're bringing everybody else down with you.
I definitely got to a point where I felt like I can't live like this anymore. I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to live like that either. And that was probably the hardest, not knowing what to do about it. And when my husband admitted that he was sometimes scared to leave the boys alone with me, that made me realise I had a problem. And I went and saw somebody about it at that point.
I'm glad that I continue to stay on the medication, and my life just slowly returned to normal. You need to seek help sooner rather than later, and just speak up, and see a GP about your feelings.