Try this step-by-step approach to working through an issue. You can also use these principles to sort out disagreements with your child or young person.
Step 1. Help kids see conflict as a problem they can sort out fairly with help. For example, you might say: “It looks like there’s a problem here. I’m sure if we talk about it we can sort it out.”
Step 2. Get each child to explain how they see the conflict. Get them to focus on what they want or need, and what their concerns or worries are, rather than blaming the other person.
Step 3. It’s helpful to restate each person’s concerns so everyone’s on the same page. For example, “So, you’re worried that you won’t get a turn; and you’re trying to make it to the next level of the game and you’re worried that if you stop now you won’t get to it.”
Step 4. Get each child or young person to suggest at least three different solutions. For example, “What are some ways to solve this so you can all feel OK about it?” If they can’t think of any, offer some ideas for them to think about.
Step 5. Help them agree on a solution that will work and put it into action.
Step 6. Praise them for sorting it out.