Everything’s falling apart

by JessQLD on  16 December 2017

Im 20 years old, with a 7 week old son. In August when I was 29 weeks pregnant, my partner underwent some serious brain surgery. Long story short, it went terrible and he almost didn’t make it out alive. I was actually told he wouldn’t make it by the neurosurgeon after 16 hours into the surgery. 2 weeks in a coma and 2 months of intense recovery learning to simply walk again, my partner was home in time for the birth. It was traumatic for the both of us. He has another surgery in February as he was left without a skull in the previous surgery due to severe swelling of the brain, he is 20 years old as well. I am dreading him going back in another time, I cry just thinking about it. We both aren’t working at the moment, we both have no cars at the moment and living with my parents. Everything’s gone pretty down hill in the past few months. My partner is not entitled to any help from the gov either so it’s been hard to support my family with my partners medication and travel to and from hospital ( my partner still gets regular weekly check ups) , borrowing my mums car and paying over $20 a day for hospital parking. My 7 week old will profusely cry all afternoon and night till around 2am, he’s breastfed and no one can settle him. I’ve tried everything. Taken him to the doctors, hospital. Had many scans done and they can’t find anything that’s causing him pain or discomfort and he is definitely drinking enough as well.  I’ve also been working temporary part time for two years for a certain big qld company, with the understanding that when the jobs are advertised we were all able to apply. I’ve just been noted that I won’t be able to apply because I haven’t been working there for over 4 years. I only graduated high school 3 years ago making it almost impossible to be working at this place for the 4 years. So there goes my job as well. I’m a mess, I’ve been to my doctor she referred me to a psychologist. I found out today that it will cost me $144 for one session. Money that I don’t have, so I’ve had to cancel the help that I needed. I have made another appointment for Tuesday, but I really just needed to get all of this off my chest as I feel like I’m losing my mind. I am constantly on guard, I panic over nothing, I still dream about the night I was told that my partner wasn’t going to make it out of theatre. I’m not sure if this is postnatal depression, regular depression, or a combination but I really needed to let it out...

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