Not long before my son was born they gave me drugs to help with the pain. 'It will be fine' they said ' use the gas it will help'. So I did. I had too much gas. Suddenly I sat up and looked around. I wasn't in the labor room anymore. I was in space and I was surrounded by devils.
It was horrifying I cant even explain how scared I was. then after what seemed like forever I saw the labor room again. I came back to reality and the Dr told me. ' the gas made you see what you saw, it wasn't real'. I was still terrified. I couldn't focus on my son being born because I was too scared that the devils were going to come back and end the world.
Then my son was born and he was beautiful. I was still scared tho.We stayed in the hospital for a night. That night I left the room again - I was in space again and the devils were talking to me again- saying that the world is really going to end this time.I woke up from it. I ran out to the midwives and I told them what had happened. They organised a pysc assessment for me. The next day I was seen by a psyc Dr. He organised councilling for me.
We went home. In the next few weeks I began to have hallucinations every day- sometimes a few times a day. It was always the same thing- I was being told by devils that the universe wasn't real and it was going to end. And I believed what I was seeing. The things I saw were horrific.
I lost touch with reality. I was terrified every day . They put me on anti - psychotic medications. They diagnosed me with post natal psychosis and severe anxiety. They called what happened during my labor a 'drug induced psychotic episode'. My anxiety was so bad, I was in a constant state of panic.
Even with the medication I was still seeing hallucinations of the world ending. I was still scared. Even though I had a beautiful new baby and family, I was too scared to be happy. The hallucinations didnt go away. I still got them most days. after a while I started getting them less and I started getting less panic attacks. I got better slowly.
20 months later and there are still alot of days when I still get hallucinations and they still scare me. I still take antipyscotic medication. But I am almost back to normal. My anxiety is under control most of the time. I am looking after my kids and being the best mum I can be and always will x.