My story about Postnatal Psychosis

by JennyVIC on  22 February 2015

Not long before my son was born they gave me drugs to help with the pain. 'It will be fine' they said ' use the gas it will help'. So I did. I had too much gas. Suddenly I sat up and looked around. I wasn't in the labor room anymore. I was in space and I was surrounded by devils. 
It was horrifying I cant even explain how scared I was. then after what seemed like forever I saw the labor room again. I came back to reality and the Dr told me. ' the gas made you see what you saw, it wasn't real'. I was still terrified. I couldn't focus on my son being born because I was too scared that the devils were going to come back and end the world. 

Then my son was born and he was beautiful. I was still scared tho.We stayed in the hospital for a night. That night I left the room again - I was in space again and the devils were talking to me again- saying that the world is really going to end this time.I woke up from it. I ran out to the midwives and I told them what had happened. They organised a pysc assessment for me. The next day I was seen by a psyc Dr. He organised councilling for me.

We went home. In the next few weeks I began to have hallucinations every day- sometimes a few times a day. It was always the same thing- I was being told by devils that the universe wasn't real and it was going to end. And I believed what I was seeing. The things I saw were horrific. 

I lost touch with reality. I was terrified every day . They put me on anti - psychotic medications. They diagnosed me with post natal psychosis and severe anxiety. They called what happened during my labor a 'drug induced psychotic episode'. My anxiety was so bad, I was in a constant state of panic.

Even with the medication I was still seeing hallucinations of the world ending. I was still scared. Even though I had a beautiful new baby and family, I was too scared to be happy. The hallucinations didnt go away. I still got them most days. after a while I started getting them less and I started getting less panic attacks. I got better slowly.

20 months later and there are still alot of days when I still get hallucinations and they still scare me. I still take antipyscotic medication. But I am almost back to normal. My anxiety is under control most of the time. I am looking after my kids and being the best mum I can be and always will x.

 

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