Thank you for replying InhaleExhale, that of itself means a whole lot to me.
You're spot on about it all, everything just sometimes feels terrifying, some moments there are times when my mind feels like it goes directly into rush hour when awful thoughts seem to just clutter everywhere and all I can do to stop losing it fight them off as if they're not there, but it still leaves me feeling low and disgusted in myself.
The physical side in easier terms to explain things would feelings of tightness, slight annoyance of pain, and sort of like gas bubbles being trapped within my stomach, chest, middle of chest and sides. Frightens me but I try to remind myself they're anxiety pains that will eventually subside. Though sometimes that doesn't help.
Other activities besides the PS4 I haven't done in around 3 years because I had a huge wave of depression snack me down out of the blue. I lost all motivation for anything. I used to love running, and weight lifting but haven't tried them in a while. Have put on the kilos and just feels like I've dug myself further down into it all. But I truly want to be able to get back I to all of that.
O used to get these thoughts but I was able to ignore them and let them pass by but given the last few years it's like they cling to me and just hide for a while before emerging back into my mind. It's very frustrating.
I feel so guilty over my thought I had that I've been down on it all day just trying to let it go and move passed it, like it never happened.
Again, I really do appreciate your reply and am grateful for it. Thank you.