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Topic: AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO FINDS INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS COMPLETELY ANNOYING !!? IF YES, PLS SHARE YOUR STORY :) IM NOT COPING :(

  1. 20girl101
    20girl101 avatar
    133 posts
    19 August 2020

    Hi everyone !!

    So let me give you some background info, I am in a very happy and healthy relationship with my boyfriend of 2 years and I honestly couldn't be happier. So backtrack a month when Stage 4 restrictions in Melbourne were announced, my mental health went way way way down hill. I was casually sitting there with my partner and the sudden thought came to my mind, "Do you love him?", I immediately felt anxious and became so distressed!! These thoughts have kept me up at night, has suppressed my appetite. I found myself constantly worrying about the thought even though I KNEW THE TRUTH!! I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND, it's as simple as that! But my mind, would find the smallest things to feed the intrusive thought! which definitely made it worse. In the first week I would constantly try to reassure myself, try to look up online "Signs you are in love", "signs you are falling out of love", "are you in love quiz?" EVERYTHING YOU CAN NAME, I DID HAHA. Within the first week I wasn't eating, I had lost 5 kilos due to this, which was crazy! I even vomited twice to due severe high levels of anxiousness. Like how can this one thought get stuck in your mind for a month!! But now this is where things get unbelievably hilarious and even crazier! I had made myself so sick with the thought if I love my boyfriend, that I even had the thought "Am I thinking this because I am not even into guys?" Bear with me, I know it sounds crazy. I know that these thoughts are literally just made up in my brain because I have no desire to be with women, I have nothing against lesbians or anything, everyone is free to do what they want, It's just not who I am. But it's so funny because my brain would then pinpoint every little thing out and just find reasons to back up the intrusive thought. I even thought about the times to when I was little and your family members, like idk Auntie or Mum would think a kiss on the lips to your girl cousin at the age of 4 is cute. Stuff like that would convince me that I could maybe be lesbian, in which I am not. I had never had this thought before this period of time and never second guessed my sexuality. I just knew and know that I like guys.

    I don't know if it's OCD because I am obsessing over the thought and finding compulsions like looking up stuff online to help relieve me of the distressed and upsetting feeling! I did also have a rough family upbringing due to family violence.

    PLS TALK UP EVERYONE! I AM NOT ONE TO JUDGE

    lets support eachother !! xx

    1 person found this helpful
  2. smallwolf
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    19 August 2020 in reply to 20girl101

    Hi and welcome to beyond blue.

    First of all you are not crazy. I have found that when "alone" and have time on your hands a seemingly innocent thought can become something much larger. It is a bit like an ad that I had heard of the radio some time ago about anxiety where the self-talk gets worse and worse. I heard myself in the ad, except that my chatter was start with a

    small mistake -> everyone will see this -> you are so stupid -> you are a fraud -> X will see through you -> ....

    and on and on it goes. It is easy to say just trap the thought early. However it is also easy to jump small mistake to something much worse.

    How are going at the moment? If it is concerning you I would suggest you look at the k10 test on the beyond blue web site and / or have a chat with your GP.

    Tim

    2 people found this helpful
  3. Petal22
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    19 August 2020 in reply to 20girl101

    Hello, I had OCD and yes intrusive thoughts... I was lucky enough to go to a OCD clinic which was the best thing I ever did.. they gave me many tools....

    When you have intrusive thoughts just let them be there.... if you try to stop them they keep coming back because the brain thinks they are important... avoid trying to look things up in google I learned this was a compulsion the more you learn what your compulsions are the more you can try to stop doing them... this stops the ocd cycle....

    Try not to feed your intrusive thought re direct your thoughts to something in the present moment... meditation is great we can learn to be by standers of our thoughts it just takes practice...

    If anxiety persists please seek help through your gp.... I seeked professional help.

    2 people found this helpful
  4. 20girl101
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    133 posts
    20 August 2020 in reply to smallwolf

    Hey Tim, thank you so much for posting in this forum. I'm okay at the moment, trying to stay positive! Which is the best thing I can do. I have spoken to the GP and she has done a provisional diagnosis of mild depression and adjustment disorder. I feel like she thought that I was just stressed due to unable to work and such, but it's much deeper than that. I don't know if I have OCD because I do have a tendency to look up online and always try to reassure myself that it is nothing and that it's just in my mind, which it is but I have definitely become obsessed with the thought. I am going to speak to a psychologist hopefully soon and this time I will be telling them every little detail because I want an accurate diagnosis.

    20girl101

    1 person found this helpful
  5. 20girl101
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    133 posts
    20 August 2020 in reply to Petal22

    Thank you so much for replying!!!

    I just wanted to ask, what symptoms did you have? and how did you suspect that it was OCD?

    I am going to start seeing a psychologist and hopefully he can offer me some reassurance and clarity that these thoughts are just in my head. BECAUSE THEY SEEM SO REAL !! it's really crazy how close I have come to believing them. I should have cancelled out the thoughts straight away but did not, and fed them which only made them stronger.

    20girl101

    2 people found this helpful
  6. Petal22
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    20 August 2020 in reply to 20girl101

    No worries happy to help ... I didn’t know it was OCD until a psychiatrist diagnosed me..... if you are seeing a physiologist make sure it is a clinical physiologist they can diagnose... or a psychiatrist..

    My symptoms- very severe anxiety, constantly in my head ( although I didn’t see it at the time) always seeking reassurance, I was stuck in the OCD cycle... you CAN get out of the cycle you just need to be given the correct help...

    Thats great you are receiving help..

    I learned in my group therapy ... attn training, mindfulness, meditation, thought challenging... you become more aware....

    Hopefully you can get a correct diagnosis and move on from there.... I highly recommend therapy for ocd... if you are diagnosed with that...

    2 people found this helpful
  7. 20girl101
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    133 posts
    20 August 2020 in reply to Petal22

    Oh okay! So does it matter if I see a clinical psychologist or a normal psychologist? Can a normal psychologist diagnose me ?

    I'm just worried with not having a proper diagnosis from my GP

    20girl101

  8. Petal22
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    20 August 2020 in reply to 20girl101

    I don’t think a normal psychologist can diagnose...but I’m not 100 percent sure .I’m sure they can help in some way though 😊

    I was diagnosed by a physiatrist...

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Petal22
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    20 August 2020 in reply to 20girl101
    You could always book in with a clinical psychologist.... especially if your thoughts are causing you distress...
    1 person found this helpful
  10. Quercus
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    20 August 2020 in reply to Petal22
    Hi 20girl101, Petal22, Tim and anyone else reading.

    Petal22 you're right about general psychologists not being able to formally diagnose someone.

    If you want a formal diagnosis a psychiatrist is the best option. I have psychotherapy once a month and over years he has identified what is happening to me (major depression and ADHD) Knowing he is a doctor who has then completed studies reassures me.

    Nat
    1 person found this helpful
  11. 20girl101
    20girl101 avatar
    133 posts
    20 August 2020 in reply to Petal22

    I am booked in to just see a psychologist, that's what the receptionist recommended because she will be able to help me. I'm just worried that they won't understand the severity of the intrusive thinking ! I feel like i'm going crazy, if I have OCD will she still be able to pick up on it ?

    I just want to get better, these thoughts don't represent who I am whatsoever.

    20girl101

  12. 20girl101
    20girl101 avatar
    133 posts
    20 August 2020 in reply to Quercus

    Booked in with a psychologist and I'm just going to try and explain myself in the best way possible. I just want these thoughts gone

    *read up*

    20girl101

  13. Petal22
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    21 August 2020 in reply to 20girl101
    Well done with getting help.... i think a clinical physiologist or a physiatrist would be great because they can diagnose..... I totally hear what you are saying with wanting the thoughts gone and they don’t represent you.... because this is the way I was when I had ocd..... also with a physiatrist they can prescribe medication if needed....
  14. Petal22
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    21 August 2020 in reply to 20girl101
    I know it’s hard but just let the thoughts be there and try not to get so caught up in them.... try not to question them ..... I’m here if you need to chat....
    1 person found this helpful
  15. 20girl101
    20girl101 avatar
    133 posts
    21 August 2020 in reply to Petal22
    Yeah these thoughts are killing me. I'll jump back and forth between questioning my sexuality and then questioning my relationship! It's so weird and I try so hard to not look up online quizzes, I'm trying to stop all compulsions and asking people for reassurance. I feel so crazy because the thoughts feel soooooo real and sometimes I start to believe them but I snap myself out of it.
  16. 20girl101
    20girl101 avatar
    133 posts
    21 August 2020 in reply to Petal22

    thx for the support!!

    I've told my parents but them being old fashioned they just don't get it. They literally say "just snap out of it", which annoys me even more because if I could I would have hahaha. I'm trying to laugh and just move on with each day but there are good and bad. I might do one session with a psychologist and maybe see what she says, if she thinks its something else would she recommend me to a clinical psychologst?

    20girl101

  17. Petal22
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    21 August 2020 in reply to 20girl101

    I understand, you become more aware of your compulsions the more aware you are of them the more you can work on stop doing them.....

    My advice would be if you get a distressing thought just allow it to be there and not try to stop it... don’t give it your attention we give power to what we give attention to... try practicing mindfullness like when you are doing the dishes what does the water feel like? What do the dishes feel like? What sounds can you hear?
    Practice a guided meditation for thoughts that allows you to exercise your attention so when your mind wonders you can notice it and re direct your attention back to your breath... I found this meditation very benifical... we are not our thoughts but the watcher of our thoughts... it all takes practice but with enough practice you can get really good at it... and not get caught up in your thoughts..

    I know with ocd our minds get stuck in a cycle when you become aware of what your ocd cycle is doing you can stop the cycle....

    I’m sorry to hear your parents thoughts... I understand that our loved ones don’t really understand what we go through and that’s understandable but you can only hope they try to and just be there for support....with out judgement.. have you been able to speak to your partner about what you are feeling?

    Yes that’s great that you are seeing a phycologist I’m sure she will be able to point you in the right direction if she needs to 😊 getting professional help is a GREAT step forward our professionals have so many tools they can give us... I hope your appointment goes well...

    Also try to do things you enjoy while you feel this way... have you ever tried adult colouring in? In helps with your attention... also things like exercise, cooking you can do these things and be mindful while you are doing them 😊

    I’m here for a chat if you need.... 😊

  18. Petal22
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    21 August 2020 in reply to 20girl101
    That’s great you are trying to stop your compulsions... “ you will get there” stay positive and keep asking for help... asking for help is a great step towards recovery and you will recover from what you are going through 😊
    1 person found this helpful
  19. 20girl101
    20girl101 avatar
    133 posts
    21 August 2020 in reply to Petal22

    I just feel so crazy because I wouldn't even like question my love for my partner I just knew that it was always there if that makes sense and now I'm freaking out about it even though I know I love him and I do want to be with him. I have spoken to him about it and his support is always helpful, I just feel like i'm a burden to him and he doesn't deserve this. It's so hard because I'll be like, yeah I do love him obviously and then my mind will be like "But do you?" It's literally trying to make me think of the negative but there are no negatives because our relationship is wonderful! I think it may be relationship anxiety or maybe OCD. I'm just yeah, trying to fight it and just let the thought be. Staying in the house doesn't help, I find when i'm outside and doing things it helps.

    20girl101

  20. Petal22
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    21 August 2020 in reply to 20girl101

    I totally understand.... our thoughts are just that thoughts... our mind generates these thoughts because that’s our minds job... to think.... by having thoughts it doesn’t mean they are true or correct they are just thoughts...

    you just said you would never question the love for your partner... . ( you know this) have you ever tried to challenge your thoughts like eg ... what is the evidence for- you love your partner and want to be with him..... what is the evidence against- there is none only your thought ( that your mind makes up ).... I hope this makes sense to you....

    when you don’t get so caught up in your thoughts you will relisease they are just thoughts... I really think meditation would be good for you... try to find one on your phone... guided for watching thoughts....once you get the hang of it you become more aware... that’s great your partner is supportive I’m sure he wants to help you and see you well...

    I understand staying in the house wouldn’t be helpful try playing some music, or find an exercise you can do inside even something on u tube....

    keep talking 😊 you will get through this....

    im here for a chat 😊

  21. Petal22
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    21 August 2020 in reply to 20girl101

    Also you may think if they are just thoughts then why do they feel so real or why do I have so much anxiety over them.....

    I believe our anxiety plays a big part in them... once we can get our anxiety to settle down either through medication or therapy we can have more clarity.. 😊 and practice the skills I have just posted about 😊

  22. 20girl101
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    133 posts
    22 August 2020 in reply to Petal22

    Yep yep, I totally understand what you are saying. Well the evidence against that is that I want to spend the rest of my life with him, I can't see myself with anyone else, I take care of him, I want to be affectionate with him and it's tiny things like even if we aren't talking just the fact that he is there. It's a comfort thing as well, I feel safe and I'm just happier when he's with me. I can't picture my life without him. It's just crazy that I'm sitting here and questioning it and yes I might do some meditation.

    20girl101

  23. 20girl101
    20girl101 avatar
    133 posts
    22 August 2020 in reply to Petal22
    Thank you! I'm really trying to just calm down and stick to the facts.
  24. Petal22
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    22 August 2020 in reply to 20girl101

    Well done you have challenged your thought wonderfully.... your evidence “ for” totally out weighs the evidence against....

    your partner sounds great..

    When you learn to stop questioning your “ thoughts” that’s we’re it stops as a thought....

    if you feel yourself drifting into the thoughts you find distressing calmly redirect your attention back to the present moment.. even if that is coming back to feeling and noticing your breath.. 😊

    that’s great ...meditation is really good... it’s calming.. and you learn a lot from it... when I was in the depths of ocd it really helped me to pull myself out of it...

    I also understand how you say it’s crazy when you are questioning your relationship... you are questioning because you are adding to the thoughts... it becomes one big cycle with ocd... so when you notice yourself questioning your thoughts ... stop doing it and re direct your attention back to the present moment....and just allow the thought to float away.... this stops the cycle..

    remember we are not our thoughts but the “watcher of our thoughts “.... meditation taught me this..

    go easy on yourself and just enjoy your partner 😊

    I’m here for a chat .... you will overcome what you are going through it just takes practice 😊

  25. 20girl101
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    133 posts
    22 August 2020 in reply to Petal22

    I've realised that when I am feeling really happy and like I think of all the good times and I think "omg i really love him", the questioning pops up again "how do i know i really love him?" and just like that the cycle starts again. Do you think it is OCD? Thank you so much for the support.

    20girl101

  26. Petal22
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    22 August 2020 in reply to 20girl101

    When the question pops up... “ in your mind” then that’s a thought.... and we usually just let the thought be there and it fades away....

    with my experience in ocd what you seem to be doing is what I used to do before I had ocd therapy.... maybe see if you can see a clinical physiologist or a physiatrist for a diagnosis.... if it is ocd you can definitely recover from it... I am living proof of that....

    Just remember the skills I have written here and keep practicing them.... like you said above the cycle starts again.... with an ocd cycle the cycle keeps going until you are aware of what you are doing and then you can stop it when you become aware.... it takes practice but you CAN break free of the ocd cycle.....When you have noticed you are in a cycle just bring yourself back to the present moment eg... what you are doing cooking ect and bring your attention to what you can smell, hear ect...

    no worries, I’m happy to help you... chat to me any time

  27. 20girl101
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    133 posts
    22 August 2020 in reply to Petal22

    I am going to talk to a psychologist on the 8th of next month and get their thoughts and opinions, and then maybe see about talking to a clinical psychologist. Today has been a bad day, my thoughts have jumped from my sexuality to now question my love for my partner. It's like my doubts on my sexuality is straight out the window and I'm fixated on this once again. It really is a cycle.
    The one thing I'm afraid of is if I talk to a psychologist and she just doesn't understand the severity of it.

    20girl101

  28. Petal22
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    22 August 2020 in reply to 20girl101

    I understand... you will have good days and bad days... but you WILL get through it... if it is causing you distress please try to see a clinical physiologist or a physiatrist sooner than the 8th.... this way you can get the ball rolling onto recovery sooner...

    Your physiologist may be able to help.... but I think a clinical physiologist or physiatrist will be better because they can diagnose and prescribe medication if needed..

    Are you aware you can receive 10 free physiologist appointments through your gp? Your gp just needs to put a mental health plan together with you.... maybe you could see a clinical physiologist with this?

    im here if you want to chat ... keep practicing your skills 😊

  29. 20girl101
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    133 posts
    22 August 2020 in reply to Petal22

    Yeah, the GP has given me a mental health care plan and my first appointment is on the 8th because there is nothing else before then which is shit! It's so busy due to COVID-19. As I stated in previous posts I'm suffering from anxiety and depression as well as Adjustment disorder, so hopefully they can help.

    20girl101

  30. Petal22
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    22 August 2020 in reply to 20girl101

    Ok that’s great you have done a mental health plan.... I’m sure your phycologist can help you in some way.... any help you are getting is great 😊 yeah it’s hard with Covid - 19... if you feel things are getting more distressing for you before the 8th.... go back to your gp and discuss how you are feeling.....

    im here if you need to chat 😊

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