Okay well I start overthinking and think like "Will I be happy when he proposes to me?", "Do I love him enough to marry him?"
"Can I be with him forever?"
"Am I afraid of commitment or afraid of turning out like my parents relationship?" (because they have a real bad relationship, they barely talk)
"he has these little habits, can i live with them?" (mind you, these habits were never an issue and they aren't a red flag)
It's like I'm using everything now to back up this thought. It's honestly like I'm self sabotaging the relationship ! And like I'm almost scared of being around him for long periods of time just in case I relapse which makes me so upset because all I want is to just spend time with him and not have these thoughts !
Like I figured if I wasn't happy and I didn't love him, I would have been gone by now! But something is holding me back, I think maybe because I genuinely want to be with him and I find comfort and a safe place with him.
And as I said in previous posts, I don't say I love you a lot, due to my childhood and such, I never saw a loving relationship with my parents and I often use this as a trigger. Like for example "Omg I haven't said I love you in like an hour, do I not love him?"
It's a lot of what if's and negative thinking.