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Topic: Anxiety about chosen one

11 posts, 0 answered
  1. Dagony
    Dagony avatar
    0 posts
    20 December 2019
    Hello
    I've got a bad history with anxiety and OCD and at the moment I have this big fear of not being able to use contraception with my wife because my child will be the chosen one
    It sounds ridiculous but it's effecting me greatly I've spoken to my parter about it and she says god wouldn't give me mental illness to make sure the child is born
    But then my mind says maybe it's out of god's hands?
    I believe in god but don't follow a religion and this fear is starting to seriously effect me
  2. romantic_thi3f
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    romantic_thi3f avatar
    383 posts
    20 December 2019 in reply to Dagony

    Hi Dagony,

    Thanks for your post. If I'm understanding correctly, are you worried that because you have anxiety and OCD you are worried that your child will have this too?

    I just wanted to check and make sure - it's probably obvious to other people but I'd hate to reply and be on the wrong track!

    rt

  3. Dagony
    Dagony avatar
    0 posts
    20 December 2019 in reply to romantic_thi3f

    Gday

    sorry I'm terrible at wording this stuff from my head

    So I have a fear about the world falling through space

    When I got this fear I prayed to god and promised no sex before marriage

    I'm getting married soon but my mind has morphed the fear into I'm not allowed to use contraception in the marriage because my child will somehow be chosen or special

    I don't believe contraception is bad or anything

    But I can't get this fear out of my head I keep thinking god gave me mental illness to make sure the right baby is born

    Sounds so ridiculous even typing it but my mind has a habit of bringing up fears like this

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Croix
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    Croix avatar
    1339 posts
    23 December 2019 in reply to Dagony

    Dear Dagony~

    Welcome to the Forum.I see that you have posted in the OCD area and have both OCD and anxiety.

    Getting married is a huge step and for anyone would produce stress as well as good feelings.

    I do not have OCD, but another anxiety condition. I do understand though that your condition can be bound up with rituals and rules as well as other things.

    From reading your words I think you are trying to say if you have a child it will become a leading religious figure or some other person of very great note in the world -is that correct?

    My apologies if I've totally misunderstood.

    If my interpretation is correct then I think this conviction is so unusual you should seek professional advice,it may well be your OCD and anxiety have lead you down unrealistic paths. As you say your mind does tend to bring up such ideas.

    I would also like it point out that having a baby takes two people and this this should be done at a time you both agree on, it depends on all sorts of things from employment and finances to health and housing. By insisting on not using contraception you are taking the matter into your own hands, which does not give your partner an equal say.

    Would you like to come back and say more?

    Croix

  5. romantic_thi3f
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    romantic_thi3f avatar
    383 posts
    24 December 2019 in reply to Dagony

    Hi Dagony,

    That's no worries at all - I know that it can be really hard to make sense of things as is, let alone on an online platform!

    I have been thinking a lot about your post and I think I want to understand more about what that would mean if your child was the chosen one or special in some way. How would you know? What would that look like? How would a person like me know?

    It's okay that these things are ridiculous - sometimes naming them and talking about it out loud can help. 

    rt

  6. Dagony
    Dagony avatar
    0 posts
    25 December 2019 in reply to Croix

    Pretty much spot on with this

    We have decided to have kids when ready and use contraception but then my anxiety and ocd kicks in

  7. Croix
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    Croix avatar
    1339 posts
    26 December 2019 in reply to Dagony

    Dear Dagony~

    First off I'd like to say how much I admire you deciding to have contraption as part of your plan with your partner. I say 'admire' becuse it is flying in the face of all your instincts, even if a sanction of you mind says it is ostensible for your partner, the child and you. No easy thing.

    To be constantly 'nagged' by unwanted feelings is not a good way to live, and your distress can even spill over to affect those you love.

    As you already have an idea that your mind because of OCD does not always behave as it might, may I ask if you are having medical support? I found my conditions simply got worse until I had competent medical help, after which in time things turned around.

    If you have support already, may I suggest that reviewing it so as to make life easier might be a good idea.

    I'd imagine there have been other compulsions or beliefs in the past, do you remember what were the things that enabled you to overcome them?

    You have already said you have discussed having a child with your partner. To have someone that can lend perspective is one of the things I've found truly valuable (apart from love and care of course)

    I would like it if you could talk some more

    Croix

  8. Croix
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    Croix avatar
    1339 posts
    26 December 2019 in reply to Croix

    P.S. My proofreading is worse than usual -sigh. That sentence in paragraph 1 should read

    ... even if a section of you mind says it is sensible for...

    -C

  9. Dagony
    Dagony avatar
    0 posts
    29 December 2019 in reply to Croix

    Hello

    So I have been taking medication for about 5 years however I'm now no longer on it. I see a psychiatrist and psychologist

     

    I had a fear of bad things happening to me if I didn't follow no sex before marriage however in 2 weeks il be married and it seems the ocd is fighting back by adding something not even mentioned in the Bible

    I'm not going to pressure my partner over having a child as we are both not ready but I feel like now I can't have any sex at all unless it's unprotected with my soon to be wife

     

  10. Croix
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    Croix avatar
    1339 posts
    30 December 2019 in reply to Dagony

    Dear Dagony~

    I can appreciate how difficult this is for you, to be in the middle between a desire for a normal marriage and a desire to sire a special child when it appears to you the time is right.

    At one stage you had decided with your fiancée to use contraception until you both wanted children, now it looks like you have changed your mind and gone for abstinence instead.

    Unfortunately this once gain takes the matter out of you soon-to-be partner's hands, and has the added downside of no intimacy, something my own experience tells me is a necessary (and delightful) part of marriage.

    I'm not trying to be negative, or to minimize the compulsions you feel to go this way, however I am trying to give you an outsider's perspective, which is that your determination does not seem to be within at least the spirit of marriage.

    May I ask how your fiancée feels abut this latest development?

    You have said you feel yourself at times your beliefs in this matter are 'ridiculous', perhaps further discussions with your psychiatrist and psychologist might be in order -what do you think?

    Croix

  11. Dagony
    Dagony avatar
    0 posts
    8 January 2020 in reply to Croix

    I have no desire to follow some "chosen' situation I just want a normal life

    But my anxiety makes me worried i don't do anything possible to make it happen il be punished with my fears

    She understands and helps me work on it

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