Can anyone offer any advice on how to help or what I can do different.
I’ve been to the hospital three times, have been medicated with so many different medications, doing CBT and nothing is helping. I constantly feel every beat of my heart, I have the think about every breath I take, just standing up makes me feel breathless and I cannot do anything that could make my heart beat even slightly faster than normal or I have a full blown panic attack. I have anxiety all day no break, of a night time when it starts to get dark it is just panic attack after panic attack with intense anxiety. I have become to scared to fall asleep because what if I stop breathing in my sleep. I to have had every test, X-rays, ecos, blood tests, traces. I am healthy apparently. After I get a new test and I am healthy my anxiety will be manageable for a day or a few hours until my brain convinced me they missed something or it’s something else. The only thing that has helped me was a benzodiazepine at the hospital, but the doctors don’t like prescribing that and I’m made feel like a bad person for asking for it, like I am just looking for drugs. I was a smoker a pouch every 2 days, drank alcohol every day and used recreational drugs maybe 2 times a year for the past 3 years. I now cannot even take Panadol, I only drink water because I’m scared of caffeine making my anxiety worse, I stopped smoking cold turkey because of the intense anxiety and panic of the thought of dying. This has taken over my entire life. I’ve started to have panic attacks at work, I am a support worker so I cannot leave work and I almost have so many times just ran out of work or thought of calling an ambulance. It’s ruining my life and I don’t know what to do. I was medicated but I start to feel worse physically and get heart palpitations and extremely depressed on anxiety/depression medication. I feel I am putting in the work and getting no where and I’m convinced I’m dying and the doctors just don’t know it because how could this just be anxiety. A simple knock on my door at home is enough to send me into a panic attack. I cannot even answer my phone anymore. I told my mental health worker I needed to go to hospital and I was told they wouldn’t take me and laughed at because apparently they just don’t have the beds. I don’t want to die, I’m scared of dying, but I just want this to stop. If I am dying can it just hurry up. I’m tired.