So I’ve been in Tasmania for about a month now, travelling alone, and have become more close with a girl here who I’ve been seeing for about 3 weeks.
Just tonight I saw her before she went to the movies, By which time we’d finished hanging out, everything was fine and I was back at camp, cooking and settling down for the night. She later said her friends were going to a bar. I felt lonely and it had been a while since I’d done anything like that so I decided to see how it would go.
I approached the pub and situation with a strong attitude for all to go smoothly.
but after about 40 minutes or more, all the noise, people and loud music got just too much for me and sent me into a bad pattern and everything told me I couldn’t stay there any longer. I feel like i don’t even know where both of us are going and if we are even in a relationship. Her mate at the bar said something when I arrived to greet them like oh here’s your friend, which I also temporarily questioned inside my head.
At on point my friend/gf took her friends hand to join the dance floor and I felt excluded, overwhelmed, and just left.. whilst driving home I get a message saying, ‘where are you?’
I then had to try to explain about how anxiety stopped me and how i was sorry and I didn’t even know it was going to happen.
i drove back to my camp thinking, well, now it’s over, she’s gunna have trouble understanding me and I’ll be a difficult match for her and we are over.
I know it probably isn’t true but these situations I just can’t seem to avoid and it’s really hard sometimes to have people understand me when I do these things.
I just wished sometimes I didn’t get so consumed by panic.
I gave it my best shot but still ended up making matters worse.
I’ve dealt with things like this for YEARS and am no stranger to how and why it happens.
I just wish it was easier sometimes, and easier on other people having to deal with it when it happens.