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Topic: anxiety episode, had to leave and didn’t say goodbye

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. Jolly Chaplin
    Jolly Chaplin  avatar
    37 posts
    10 April 2021

    So I’ve been in Tasmania for about a month now, travelling alone, and have become more close with a girl here who I’ve been seeing for about 3 weeks.

    Just tonight I saw her before she went to the movies, By which time we’d finished hanging out, everything was fine and I was back at camp, cooking and settling down for the night. She later said her friends were going to a bar. I felt lonely and it had been a while since I’d done anything like that so I decided to see how it would go.

    I approached the pub and situation with a strong attitude for all to go smoothly.

    but after about 40 minutes or more, all the noise, people and loud music got just too much for me and sent me into a bad pattern and everything told me I couldn’t stay there any longer. I feel like i don’t even know where both of us are going and if we are even in a relationship. Her mate at the bar said something when I arrived to greet them like oh here’s your friend, which I also temporarily questioned inside my head.

    At on point my friend/gf took her friends hand to join the dance floor and I felt excluded, overwhelmed, and just left.. whilst driving home I get a message saying, ‘where are you?’

    I then had to try to explain about how anxiety stopped me and how i was sorry and I didn’t even know it was going to happen.

    i drove back to my camp thinking, well, now it’s over, she’s gunna have trouble understanding me and I’ll be a difficult match for her and we are over.

    I know it probably isn’t true but these situations I just can’t seem to avoid and it’s really hard sometimes to have people understand me when I do these things.

    I just wished sometimes I didn’t get so consumed by panic.

    I gave it my best shot but still ended up making matters worse.

    I’ve dealt with things like this for YEARS and am no stranger to how and why it happens.

    I just wish it was easier sometimes, and easier on other people having to deal with it when it happens.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9207 posts
    11 April 2021 in reply to Jolly Chaplin

    Hi, welcome

    Whenever you are faced with controversial situations whereby you are assuming things, it is always best to go directly to the source and discuss it. Always.

    So in your case two things alarm me. First is your anxiety with social/crowded environments and the second is too little direct communication with your GF.

    Your social intolerance is what I suffered in my 20's. Im 65yo now. 5 times in 5 years I took off to the mountain with the intention of never returning to society. Each time that plan failed for obvious reasons. What I realised at 26yo was that the half way point eg life in the country, was the better alternative. Even now, living in a small country town, I'm happiest in and any visit to the city I limit to 2 hours then I'm out of there. Same with crowded places, one hour and I'm gone.

    The other thing is this girl. You both seem to need to communicate boundaries. She is clearly not aware of your sensitivity nor your feelings towards her. Having strong feelings is ok, expressing them to her and your feelings leading to some level of jealousy would be a good start to explaining the situation as to why you left the pub. If she rebels and doesnt want a stronger relationship or doesnt like your strong feelings then thats fine too because its better to know now than down the track.

    I think a visit to your GP to attend to your social intolerance would be beneficial.

    TonyWK

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