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Topic: Anxiety & intrusive thoughts

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. Esme_love87
    Esme_love87 avatar
    1 posts
    4 April 2021
    Hey guys - first time poster here :)
    I’m a mum to a beautiful 3 year old girl, who I absolutely love to bits.
    I’m unfortunately struggling with an unbearable bout of anxiety/ depression and also getting “stuck” on disturbing intrusive thoughts which is fuelling my anxiety even further. I just can’t shake it off and its making me question my sanity?! I’ve definitely obsessed over her well being in the past, constantlyyy checking if she was breathing when asleep as a baby, googling symptoms excessively etc. We co sleep and my current crazy thought is me panicking if I’ll accidentally smother or hurt her in my sleep somehow while I’m not concious? Like do something in a dream?! It sounds crazy but I’m literately too scared to fall asleep most nights as the thought seems so real in my mind. It’s petrifying and I just want to stop dwelling on these horrible thoughts. I’ve had a past issue with driving and being scared of “losing control” but I have mostly overcome that.
    Other than having a virus and a course of antibiotics lately I’ve been well - although I have definitely always had mild underlying anxiety which worsens in times of stress.
    It doesn’t help that I’m unhappy in my marriage - my husband has a horrible temper at times so he’s often a further cause of stress in my life.
    I usually feel like I cope with everything okay however I’m finding I’m crying everyday with the utter disgust and stress of now experiencing intrusive thoughts to this extent. I’m at a point where I’m wanting to seek help - however I’m also scared of medication as I remember experiencing intensified anxiety when taking them. Also worried that I’ll be seen as an unfit mother :( or even worse if I truly am an unfit mother? The thought spiral is never ending.
    Just feel trapped in my own head and I can’t see a way out of feeling this way - sorry for the long rant!! X
  2. Sean S
    Sean S avatar
    41 posts
    4 April 2021 in reply to Esme_love87

    Hey Esme :)
    The first thing that came to mind as I read was 'That has got to be an incredibly safe 3 yo girl if this person is looking after her'. Why? Because anxiety gives us a heightened sense of and attunement to danger. And your fears indicate that you care about your child's safety, and that's beautiful. I think if you're having thoughts about whether you are an unfit mother or not that means it is highly likely that you are precisely a good mother; even if you're doubting that.

    In saying that, I think the fact that you're seeking help for unbearable anxiety and depression is a really good thing, and you should definitely seek professional support. Particularly if your partner is triggering you, and you cannot rely on him for understanding. A psychologist will help you work through these disturbing thoughts.

    Your amygdala (region of the brain involved with fear and danger) is likely overactive (like everyone with anxiety) causing you to be hyper-alert and running simulations as to what can go wrong, with an expectation that things will go wrong. Almost everyone on these forums can 100% relate to that feeling you describe of ceaseless, intrusive thoughts. I have days where I cannot think anything else but a single damn thought for 7 hours. It's tough, and exhausting. When stressed my perception of what can go wrong is radically altered, and I see danger everywhere; in my environment, in others, in myself. Everywhere.

    When your anxiety/depression is lower do you feel these dark thoughts subsiding? Changing in nature?


    1 person found this helpful
  3. socialmoth
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    socialmoth avatar
    79 posts
    4 April 2021 in reply to Esme_love87

    Hi Esme,

    I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through at the moment. I certainly understand the feeling of intrusive thoughts and how they can heighten your anxiety. I agree with Sean that you sound like a fantastic mother. However, you do need to ensure you are looking after yourself as it's not viable to always be worrying about your child.

    Talking to a professional would be a great start, even without medication, therapy can be extremely beneficial and a place where you can talk about everything that is going on in your life, as it sounds like you've got a lot on your plate.

    I'd also recommend writing down how you're feeling and getting that thought spiral onto paper and "out of your head". Though this isn't physically getting the thoughts out of your head, the gesture may help you make sense of it all.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    1311 posts
    14 April 2021 in reply to Esme_love87

    Hello Esme love87,

    So sorry to hear what you are going through BUT I want you to know you are not alone many people go through this....... I also suffered with this after having children..... I experienced mild anxiety before in my life but the anxiety I had after having children was very severe and intense...... I was plagued with intrusive thoughts.....a lot of “ what if’s “ OCD is a thinking cycle.... once you learn how to break free of its grips you will fly ...

    my recovery started by:

    I went to my gp I did a mental health plan this gave me 10 free sessions to a psychologist I also saw a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with OCD....( obsessive compulsive disorder) this is an anxiety disorder..

    After seeing a psychiatrist this led me to a university that specialises in ocd .....I did group therapy with others who also had this condition....this is were I learned to master my ocd ...... I was given many tools..... including meditation, attention training, how to not get caught up in our ocd cycle and thought challenging just to name a few..

    My gp also put me on a antidepressant for my anxiety which really helped.... I understand your concerns regarding medication but maybe the one you were on didn’t suit you..... your gp can try others if that’s the way you want to go..

    I highly recommend you seek help..... start at your gp and then seek therapy..... our health professionals are amazing people and are here to help you.... I don’t know we’re I’d be without their help....

    I have now overcome my OCD with the help I received from professionals it took perseverance but I’m now on the other end of it and want to help others who are going through similar conditions.....

    I can’t strongly encourage you more to seek help ASAP the sooner you seek help the sooner you can recover.... believe me you will recover you won’t be like this forever... there is light at the end of the tunnel... I’m living proof you CAN recover I totally understand what you are going through..

    believe in yourself...... you know yourself.....

    im here to support you and chat to you .....

  5. Triple T
    Triple T avatar
    1 posts
    17 April 2021 in reply to Petal22

    Hi all

    first time posting on this forum and find this post helpful and relates to my current situation.

    Patal 22

    i had couple of sessions with phycologist and counselling previously but my anexity conditions is still reoccurring. I’m wondering how did you progress your case to phychiatrist and get group therapy etc

    sean s

    Your description of anexity happen to me also. I can’t not think of anything else when my anxiety attack at it’s worst.

    My anexity attack has been going on for months now and it’s difficult to get out of. I know there are technics on letting go and be mindful but they all gone out of the window when the anexity feeling comes

  6. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    1311 posts
    17 April 2021 in reply to Triple T

    Hi Triple T,

    I started my recovery from seeing my gp through to seeing a “ clinical psychologist “ when you see a psychologist ensure they are a “ clinical psychologist “ clinical psychologists can diagnose a normal psychologist can’t .......

    My phyciatrist was in the same practice as the clinical psychologist it was part of my treatment to see both.....

    My OCD therapy was recommended by my clinical psychologist and psychiatrist..... they found the therapy for me and my phyciatrist sent a referral to them so I could do the therapy 😊

    If you haven’t had a diagnosis yet see a clinical phycologist or a psychiatrist........ if you are diagnosed with OCD ask them to refer you to a clinic that specialises in OCD..... I highly recommend the group therapy sessions..... if you can’t see an actual group therapy see someone who specialises in OCD..... you need to see the correct people to receive the correct help....... my clinic was at a university...... trainees ran the clinic.... overseen by a doctor...it was the best thing I did 😊

    I believe with ocd you need to learn the cycle your mind is in ........ ( this is what therapy can teach) then you need to learn to stop doing all the things that keep you in your ocd cycle...... from my experience the further into your cycle you get the more anxiety is turned up...... when you learn to break free of the cycle your anxiety will come down dramatically.....

    meditation is great... I did a specific one in my therapy for ocd.... it taught me to realise im not my thoughts I’m the watcher of my thoughts .....

    if I can recover there is hope you can too.....

    im here if you have any questions 😊

    1 person found this helpful

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