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Topic: Anxious about talking to anyone

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. Anonomyseg
    Anonomyseg avatar
    3 posts
    8 January 2020

    Hi, i cant speak to anyone without getting extremely anxious, i am 19 and should be socializing but it is so hard. Every time i have to speak to someone new or someone i know i lose track of thought, which leads to me blushing, avoiding eye contact, and sometimes even shaking, especially in crowded areas. I haven't seen my friends in 1-2 months and they don't seem too worried. Everyone i know is so confident and funny but i feel like when i walk in the room it all stops like i project bad vibes, this is why i haven't been out in months. Just because i get to worried about going out, and lacking confidence to speak and being called weird or quite. I first started having trouble with socializing when i was 15 and it has only gotten worse. whats my problem?

    -anon

  2. Flowertop
    Flowertop avatar
    51 posts
    9 January 2020 in reply to Anonomyseg

    Hi Anon

    Hang in there. You are not alone in how you are feeling and believe me it just feels like everyone else is confident. That’s the anxiety tricking you.
    Have you been to see anyone about this, like your doctor. Headspace is a really good place for people your age if felt you could ring them or even go online if you were able.

    Do you work or study ? Meditation is suppose to be really good for anxiety. There are apps you can download. I have been told that just a few minutes a day of meditation can help rewire our brains to reduce anxiety.
    It’s great you are on this forum, this means you are being active in addressing this.
    Thoughts out to you.

  3. littleboots
    littleboots avatar
    31 posts
    9 January 2020 in reply to Anonomyseg

    Hello Anonomyseg,

    Meeting new people, new places and socialising can be a really anxious activity. You are not alone and actually if people were completely honest about it I think most people would know or remember a time when they felt the same.

    Blushing is caused by a rush of adrenalin which increases blood supply to a particular area. Like the neck, face, chest. It's not easy to control at all and probably relies on lowering your anxiety levels to reduce or eliminate the adrenalin being released. The more you worry about blushing and trembling the more it will happen.

    When anxiety symptoms or nervousness starts to interfere with your ability to go out and do what you'd like to do it's probably a good idea to give it some thought and reach out like you are doing. You say you've been feeling this way since you were 15 - has it got worse or better? Are some places better or worse? Does alcohol make it better or worse?

    Sometimes thinking about this too much can result in the opposite of what you wanted to achieve! So it's finding the right balance.

    Do you know why you are forgetting what you were saying when this begins to happen? Do you worry about what they are thinking and you lose your train of thought? I've lost my train of thought when speaking if I become distracted or something intervenes. Is this what you mean?

    Instead of trying to go into crowded areas where there is a lot of noise and activity have you considered asking one or two friends to meet you somewhere quiet? A small cafe, park, library, museum - so there is less noise and distractions. Meeting up with a few friends at a time rather than a lot of new people?

    I'm fairly confident you are not emitting weird vibes but that doesn't make you feel any better right now.

    Confidence at your age is a big thing. Most people become more confident over time and most people feel a little awkward in new situations at any age.

    I hope you give yourself a break and stop being so critical of yourself.

    Take care,

    Littleboots

  4. Anonomyseg
    Anonomyseg avatar
    3 posts
    9 January 2020 in reply to Flowertop

    Hey Flowertop,

    Thanks for the support, i went to a GP when i was 16 and got prescribed anti-depressants which didn't help me when i told him this he only upped the milligrams and this did nothing, so i eventually just stopped taking them and told him i was better and need no more. I also had a psychologist during this time also who i didn't really like, i felt he was just there for the money. I went to the GP again this year because i was sick of feeling this way and now seeing a different Psychologist in 21 days who will help decide if i need medication, hopefully things are different. I seem to just lye to everyone telling them i'm alright, even when a mate asks.

    I work at a furniture hire company, we often drive long distances and it's usually just silence unless i push myself to speak and usually feel like i have said something stupid after and turn my red face to the window. I have been meditating for a few months now and find it helps a little bit.

    - anon

  5. Anonomyseg
    Anonomyseg avatar
    3 posts
    9 January 2020 in reply to littleboots

    Hi Littleboots,

    Iv'e felt it has got worse, Crowded areas are the worst but even around a table of friends or family is bad. I struggled sleeping most nights dreading the next day of school, I turned to Alcohol/drugs to help me sleep at night and get through the day sometimes. Now i try not to drink when i'm really nervous, because i know its a short term solution, but usually can't help having a shots before going out. I don't feel happy when i drink anymore, like i don't get drunk.

    I always care about my appearance, what clothes i am wearing, how my hair looks, my body shape (so i don't eat much). But no matter what i feel judged unless i get a compliment. I worry heaps about what they are thinking, i try plan out what i'm going to say but this never works and usually can only give basic boring responses.

    I have been meaning to catch up with just a few mates but can't bring myself to message them, i'm too embarrassed for being so antisocial in public with them in previous events, because a few times i have been introduced to my mates friends and can't have a conversation and just awkward . I don't even know if they want to me my friend because of my lack of confidence. Sometimes i feel like i should just never go out with them again. I feel like they all just talk behind my back especially about things iv'e done in my past that might have gotten out like self harming(all good now) even though I've only told one person.

    Thanks for the advice,

    - anon

  6. littleboots
    littleboots avatar
    31 posts
    12 January 2020 in reply to Anonomyseg

    Hey Anonomyseg,

    I know this is a bit 'out there' but please don't dismiss it. Are you doing any regular, sustained, intense, cardio exercise? Like running, swimming, cycling? If so, are you doing it regularly?

    Cardio exercise will make a huge difference to your appetite, fitness, sleep & amazingly lifts your mood too.

    I know putting on swimmers or sport or bike gear is not what you want to hear about.

    I too never wanted to ever be seen in public in swimmers or do cardio exercise. Oh my God! My body ugh. But after much procrastination I did. I could barely swim so I watched countless YT on swimming & how to do it. It gave me the motiv to go to the pool. I didn't go with anyone or tell anyone. Just on my own & straight in the water and slowly started. No overthinking it.

    I made a promise to myself that I would go every 2nd day for 6 wks - regardless of how I felt about it.

    After a while I was going daily.

    A nod here and a smile there to other swimmers but no big talks. So I liked that! But I didn't feel alone either.

    Then I decided to do Tai Chi - yeah I know - sounds tame but very difficult btw. Making my body DO something started to feel so good I am now sort of addicted.

    I discovered a tool to feeling good on my own.

    Are you doing any sport? Can you try for 6 wks? I read that you don't see benefits for about six weeks. I felt benefits after 1 wk. kept going & then I started to need to do it.

    If you're starting from scratch go slowly. Technique over speed. Write down your goals & progress.

    For me, 50 m. pool, 50 laps. My first swim I did one lap & barely, on wobbly legs, got to the change room.

    After 6 mths I bought swim earphones to enjoy my 50 laps more & I do.

    Sustained cardio is a tool. When your body feels good it tells your brain to feel good. It isn't magic but it does feel like it. You must make it a habit though. A good habit. Habits just take repetition to make.

    Aside from cardio please consider doing something like boxing, gym, self-defence where you do classes as well. Go, listen & do. If you meet someone friendly that's a bonus but that's not the primary reason you are doing it.

    The idea is to find a way to feel good about yourself not wait to hear it from someone else & doing an activity where you have goals.

    Take the stress off yourself regarding social situations. Do things you like & possibly meet people who like doing the same thing? Lots of possibilities there!

    Let me know how you go hey?

    Take care,

    littleboots

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