Your messages help immensely. I thank you so much for taking the time to reach out and type a few words to me.
To know that happiness and true contentedness is a concept still available to me, is something that I do treasure. Because I really want to get back to myself and to be uninhibited in my happiness. I want to feel confident again and really relish in all that I do for myself.
I often find myself getting through the day, then just retiring relatively early to bed, watching trash TV and lying on my floor cuddling my dog.
I am also feeling a bit suffocated by my mum in particular - she has been rearranging my room without my permission and criticising me at least once a day - about my clothes, my appearance, everything.
I just feel so tired all the time, with general life and even being at home now (supposedly a safe space to be).
When my anxiety got so bad (the start of this anxiety period), I took the time to write a list of goals and then each day I wrote what I did and corresponded that with my goals. That way I could start seeing that I was capable of functioning even with the anxiety present. And I even pushed myself a bit more to do things that even when I felt fine I wouldn't have done.
At work, I pushed myself to be more social. I took the time to engage with people. Like, if I saw a book they were reading - I would spark up a conversation about it. Just stuff like that. Which has helped my confidence a bit, but my mind still really needs to click into gear to acknowledge what I have been doing for myself.
As for my psychologist, the last appointment I had, my parents came along to help provide my psychologist with some of their insights as to what was going on with me.
I definitely have a lot of self-confidence issues, and a detrimental need to look after others before myself. So, so far, my sessions have been predominately exploratory in discussing the issues I believe I have (i.e what are my anxiety triggers, and my GAD generally).
At the end of the last session, I did specify that I now want to work explicitly on some more Cognitive Behavioural Therapy strategies and really start rewiring my brain (as you mentioned in your first post).
I look forward to just feeling 'lighter' and more free in my actions. The depression cloud associated with this anxiety can be a real bummer to deal with as well.
I am readily accepting your virtual hugs, and send you some in return.
I hope to hear from you again soon.
Once again, thanks so much.