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Topic: Dealing with extreme self-doubt and anxiety

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. pinkwren
    pinkwren avatar
    7 posts
    28 June 2020

    Hey there :)

    I haven't been on here in a while, but I just needed a place to vent and maybe reach out to anyone who is or has experienced something similar.

    I'm 16 years old and in year 11 at school, where it is about a term before I submit my first lot of assessment that will contribute to my ATAR next year. I have dealt with pretty severe anxiety since I was young, and lately I've been feeling that the self-doubt I have about my school work and future is becoming unbearable. I'm really anxious about my grades at school as I want to do well and please my family and not fall short of both the expectations they have for me and the expectations I have for myself. I do pretty well at school, getting straight A's, but I'm so anxious about failing and not getting the ATAR I want and need to get into the course I want to do at university (Veterinary Science Honours, ATAR 99). I'm becoming super anxious about studying and completing assignments where I'm sometimes finding it hard to sleep at night, and I'm anxious if I'm not studying or doing my schoolwork.

    I'm scared to finish year 11 and get my results back for the year and hear the award recipients for our school awards night as I'm afraid of not receiving an academic prize like I normally would for the fear that the people around me will think that I am stupid and didn't work hard enough. I'm becoming reluctant to tell my parents my grades too (even though they are not bad) because I'm also scared that they will think I'm not as smart as my sister and that I am dumb.

    I'm even more scared to finish year 12 and see what my ATAR is. I'm terrified of not receiving the required ATAR (99) I need and not getting into university (even though I know there are other pathways) because I feel that it will make me look like a failure to my friends and family. I'm scared of how I will react to my ATAR if it's not good enough, specifically, I'm scared I will take my own life if it's not good enough.

    I know this sound so dramatic and so stuck up and petty, but I just needed to get all that out.

    Thank you for reading if you got this far :)

    xx pw

  2. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    3678 posts
    28 June 2020 in reply to pinkwren
    Hey Pinkwren, thanks for joining us here again on the Beyond Blue forums. 
    We can understand the stress and anxiety you are feel about your ATAR. We remember this being a really stressful time in our lives as well. Although you might be concerned about speaking to your parents and friends about this, it might be a really positive and productive step to take. They can help to ease your anxiety and provide you with some advice on how to manage study stress. 

    Otherwise, the Kids Helpline counsellors can be contacted 24/7 via telephone and also via webchat if you go through the website provided. It sounds like you're in a really tough situation and it might help to talk it out whenever you're feeling overwhelmed. 

    Headspace is another organisation we would recommend, they are specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services including counselling and group programs. They also have a group chat on their webpage - https://headspace.org.au/

    Many of our members will understand and may be able to help. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you
    1 person found this helpful
  3. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    9200 posts
    29 June 2020 in reply to pinkwren

    Dear Pinkwren~

    I can remember your being here before over an eating disorder - congratulations for getting it under control, a big thing. I also remember you giving very good advice to Taylia (Guest_201). I'm not sure it is much good me talking about the resources that are open to you as? I'm sure you know them. From councilors to doctors.

    May I ask if you have medical support at the moment?

    What I would like to talk abut is about expectations, both other people's and yours. While you do have a high persona goal (Veterinary Science Honours, ATAR 99) mostly I feel you are frightened not meeting others' expectations. A's in everything, a school award, and so on. You give reasons for this, telling your parents about your results plus your friends. You go further and worry that you will not be regarded as intelligent as your sister.

    One of the hard thngs to do is set realistic goals. To be loved and cherished is as important as going to uni, and so I'd suggest you could consider telling your parents exactly how you feel, the level of attainment you feel confident you can do without going to excess, and see what they say.

    Of your parents whom do you think might be most approachable?

    Do you think this is something you could do?

    I do hope you came back and talk more, even if you disagree that should be no bar to returning and pointing out flaws, or that is impractical


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