My family of origin have abused, isolated and excluded me etc - even to the point of Christmases alone for the last 5 years. But yet they all get along with each other and have joy at events that I never get told about. I am always alone. I have tried to make/keep friends but it is not the same. They all have their families and commitments to those healthy relationships. I guess it falls apart for me because my family members are toxic and not healthy relationships - so it leaves me alone - all the time.
It didn't bother me as much early on but the longer it goes on the worse I feel and my families treatment of me seems justified as obviously I am unwanted as I am always alone and never included. COVID certainly didn't help matters for me either - with the occasional coffee catch up with friends gone. I do like my own company (well, not really - but have been crushed by my family that I have such low self-esteem that my own company is safer than facing the world). However, the occasional inclusion would make a world of difference to me.
I don't know what I am posting for - maybe it might help to know if others experience the same - alone/isolation. Do people feel okay with it? Like I used to. Or does it affect mood, depression? I never had depression before all of this - I was quite charismatic and a bit of a social butterfly - always shy, but I interacted well with others. Now I am just a depressed, anxious empty crushed shell due to the people I loved most and who should have loved me most.
Also, I am sick of people making false promises - eg we will call you next week or whatever and never happens and emails that go unanswered. It only adds to the feelings of alone and unwanted/forgotten/not important. And this feeds into the depression. I am just not going to bother anymore. Does this happen to others??
Thanks for reading.