your post is relevant here. Whatsinaname has this problem.
Im 64yo and due to mania, had a colourful life. 90 jobs, 15 professions, RAAF, prison officer, security, PI, so on. In my young days in the Air Force I went off the rails and did a few things I regret among them I assaulted s room mate. I was 19yo.
About 2 years ago I found his Facebook page. He is now living in Canada. So after 53 years I sent him s message including an apology- he blocked me. Friends of mine told me that they would have let it go 43years ago!
Si this highlights a problem of guilt and intrusive uncontrollable thoughts.
In response to this I wrote a few posts that are relevant and might help.
guilt the tormentor
sensitivity and depression- a connection
capacities and expectations
Your own worse enemy
You can copy those and put them in the search bar at the top of the page. You only need to read the first post
If you wish you can reply in those posts or here.