I’m new to online forums here so am a little nervous to post this, but recently i have seen a new doctor and she has said she thinks i have anxiety, and referred me to a psychologist.
the psychologist wasn’t taking new clients, so i’ve had to wait longer for another doctors appointment so i could get a new referral for a different psychologist, which has been hard waiting because i feel so desperate and need to see someone (hence why i’ve come on here). i’m sorry for anyone reading this, you may be thinking i’m off on a weird and unnecessary tangent and life story, but the truth is i feel so lost in my life right now and just need some way to put it out there and talk to other people about it (who aren’t my mum and boyfriend).
i graduated from high school in 2020 and started uni in 2021 but i didn’t think the course was for me and i have since deferred until next year, but the anxiety i am left with now of not knowing what lies ahead of me in my career is terrifying and i am anxious about it everyday. i also worry about the fact that i hate my job already.
i used to work at woolworths while i was at school, quit during the peak of coronavirus and have now gone back to working in a supermarket. and i wanted a job for so long after being unemployed but now i have a job i don’t want one. which makes me feel horrible, because i want to work, i want to earn money, i want to contribute to society, but still i just don’t want to be there. i feel like the most ungrateful person in the world and yet at the same time i am so grateful for everything i have. i feel so conflicted with my thoughts, and this brings me so much anxiety. going to work everyday brings me so much anxiety, and even on my days off i get anxious i’m going to get asked to work!
i also dream of working on social media as an “influencer” i guess you could call it, which so many people don’t see as a real job, but social media has such a big impact on people daily, and i would love to work on a worldwide scale helping women gain confidence in themselves and start a brand of my own, but i’m scared this goal is too much, and i’m worried people i used to go to school with may judge me and make fun of me for this. and even then i wouldn’t know where to start! i also need to choose a new course for uni next year.
this is such a long and probably unnecessary post, but i guess i’m just hoping one of you may have felt the same in the past or feel this way too. i just feel lost, and scared.