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Topic: Hating self

22 posts, 0 answered
  1. Maxy333
    Maxy333 avatar
    10 posts
    8 September 2021
    I'm suffering from terrable guilt and shame that makes me self loathing , my hatered for myself is depressing me. I'm not to sure how to turn this around.
  2. Ggrand
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    8 September 2021 in reply to Maxy333

    Hello Dear Maxy333..

    A very warm and caring welcome to our forums..

    I am so sorry that your struggling so much with terrible guilt and shame...and it’s causing you to hate yourself and causing you to be depressed...

    I am wondering if you would feel like sharing a little more about you and why you are feeling so much like you are..

    There is no pressure to share any more then your comfortable with, a little more of your story might be able to give us more information as to how we are able to help support you...

    This is a safe place and we are here to care for you and help support you the best we can...

    My kindest thoughts Dear

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  3. jaz28
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    8 September 2021 in reply to Maxy333

    Hi Maxy33,

    I'm sorry you're feeling this way. You are not alone.

    I am here to talk through it if you need me.

    Stay strong,

    Jaz.

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Pumpkinella
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    9 September 2021 in reply to Maxy333

    Hi Maxy333,

    Thanks for sharing this. Guilt and shame can be very difficult emotions to handle. It sounds like you are sick of your self-loathing because you know its depressing you. This is great awareness and the first step to being more kind to yourself.

    Have you ever heard of Brene Brown? She does a lot of talks on shame and vulnerability. Shes quite popular on YouTube.

    Please feel free to share more about how you are feeling - is there anything specific triggering the shame?

    I experienced a lot of this the past - the journey to self-compassion and acceptance of our imperfections as human and not shameful is something you can move past with the right help.

    I wonder if you have spoken with a psychologist before about how you are feeling?

    Love

    Pumps

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Petal22
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    9 September 2021 in reply to Maxy333

    Hi Maxy333,

    Wellcome to our forums!

    Sorry you are feeling this way….

    Are you feeling this way due to the past? Sometimes when we do certain things it can make us have the emotions of guilt and shame……..

    The good news is you can learn to challenge your thoughts….. and see things from a different perspective……

    Maybe you can learn to forgive yourself…. Forgiveness will set you free.. it enables you to let go of negative energy…..

    Letting go of things will help you to grow……

    With self loathing when you recognise you are doing this try to change your thoughts turn them around to positive thoughts about yourself…… it takes practice but it can be done!

    You could also see your gp and let your gp know how you have been feeling you could do a mental health plan together this will enable you to see a psychologist who can help you in many ways for the positive..

    Im here to chat to you 😊

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Maxy333
    Maxy333 avatar
    10 posts
    9 September 2021 in reply to Petal22
    Thankyou for your response, I will take all onboard. This helps.
    1 person found this helpful
  7. Maxy333
    Maxy333 avatar
    10 posts
    9 September 2021 in reply to Pumpkinella
    Thankyou for your message , I will look up Brene brown , I made a terrable mistake a long time ago and now the people I love the most are suffering because of me. Thanks again.
  8. Maxy333
    Maxy333 avatar
    10 posts
    9 September 2021 in reply to jaz28
    Thanks Jas . My actions of long ago are making the people I love the most now suffer. I'm finding this very very difficult. But it's my fault. Thanks again.
    1 person found this helpful
  9. Maxy333
    Maxy333 avatar
    10 posts
    9 September 2021 in reply to Ggrand
    Thanks Gandy, I mad a mistake a while ago, and now because of that I'm hurting the people I love the most, its going to affect them for a very long time, this guilt is crippling me. I'm a good person but what I did was not. And now every one around me will suffer.
  10. Ggrand
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    9 September 2021 in reply to Maxy333

    Hello Dear Maxxy,

    Have you spoken to the people who have been directly effected by your mistake....I’m sure they have forgiven you for making that mistake... you didn’t do it on purpose it was a mistake...

    Many years ago..41yrs ago..I made the biggest mistake of my life, by trusting the people who were supposed to love me.....and the mistake I made, still today directly effects 3 people and many more branches of people that I love very dearly and it will do for the rest of their lives...and mine..

    I still feel a lot of guilt and shame over my actions.... I know that I can’t undo these things...the 3 people that my mistake is directly effecting..has said that they forgive me....I have tried many times to forgive myself, but it’s something that I can’t do,,,,Knowing they have forgiven me has helped me to slowly move forward..and the guilt and shame that I have...isn’t as overwhelming as it was...

    How do the people that are being effected by your mistake feel...have you spoken to them about how guilty and ashamed you feel...have they forgiven you? ...I really do hope that these people know that you didn’t intentionally do anything to hurt them,,,,

    My kindest thoughts, Dear Maxy..

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  11. blondguy
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    11215 posts
    9 September 2021 in reply to Maxy333

    Hi Maxi333

    There are many caring posts above.....Grandy has taken the words right out of my mouth. I really hope you dont 'hate' yourself as you are strong for posting in the first place and good on you!

    The forums are a safe and non judgmental place for you to post Maxi. If you wish to elaborate on your feelings we can provide you with more effective support

    Thankyou for being a part of the forum family :-)

    my kind thoughts

    Paul

    2 people found this helpful
  12. jaz28
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    10 September 2021 in reply to Maxy333
    Something I always live by is "the past is the past" - you can't change it. So I only look to the present, because the future is never guaranteed either. Is it possible to have a conversation with the people you have hurt?
    1 person found this helpful
  13. quirkywords
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    10 September 2021 in reply to Maxy333

    Maxy333

    I have spent a large part of my .one life feeling guilty and not liking myself.

    I know you can’t live in the last but if people treat you as you were years ago it is hard.
    so one has to forgive oneself and learn from the past.

    Take care

    1 person found this helpful
  14. Maxy333
    Maxy333 avatar
    10 posts
    11 September 2021 in reply to Ggrand
    Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and reasuring words, they will never understand or forgive me for my actions. And I understand that. With my situation there is no understanding or forgiveness from them. So I have to try and move on. .... I'm feeling like I'm not by my self being here talking. It's a small relief. Thankyou.
  15. Maxy333
    Maxy333 avatar
    10 posts
    11 September 2021 in reply to jaz28
    Thankyou. But it's not possible to talk to the people I have hurt. So I'm stuck between them and the people im hurting now and in the Future. How ever I look at it and try and sort out , I can't avoid guilt and shame.
    1 person found this helpful
  16. Maxy333
    Maxy333 avatar
    10 posts
    11 September 2021 in reply to blondguy
    Thankyou Blondguy for your kind words, they hit me with comfort.
    1 person found this helpful
  17. jaz28
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    13 September 2021 in reply to Maxy333
    Guilt and shame are normal, in any case. You can't change the past but you can change your future :)
    1 person found this helpful
  18. Ggrand
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    13 September 2021 in reply to Maxy333

    Hello Dear Maxy..

    I’m pleased you don’t feel so by yourself while talking on here...We all care for each other and try to support each other as well....

    I do hope you can forgive yourself and move forward..

    Guilt and shame, seem to go hand in hand and are very hard emotions to manage..

    Maxy, you need to keep telling yourself that it was a mistake, which mean you didn’t do it on purpose....

    I wish I knew the right words to say to you, so you stop being so hard on yourself and hating yourself...We are our worse critic...When in reality we really should be our own best friend and be gentle and kind to ourself...

    Is talking to a professional about your guilt and shame...something that you might consider?...

    Talk here dear Maxy...we are all here for you and wish the very best for you..

    My kindest thoughts Maxy..

    Grandy.,

    1 person found this helpful
  19. Maxy333
    Maxy333 avatar
    10 posts
    20 September 2021 in reply to Ggrand
    Thank you dear Grand

    Your kind words help a great deal, as do all the others, my situation doesn't allow me the comfort of talking to anyone else but one close love of mine. Expressing my self here and hearing from you and others is reasuring, for that I thank you all. I'm in a situation where one member of our family is on a non-stop distructive course to punish me for what I did, but is going to distroy our family in the process. And I can't stop it from happening. The innocent people I love the most are going to be hurt the most . And it's my fault. Hurt me ,not them. Unfortunately this person can't be talked to.

    Thankyou for listening.

  20. Pumpkinella
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    98 posts
    27 September 2021 in reply to Maxy333

    Hi Maxy333,

    How have you been lately?

    I think that it is important to be accountable and understand that we are responsible for the actions we take, but this needs to be balanced with compassion and understanding.

    Often people who do things they regret were in a bad place, they may be traumatised, they may not have known a better way to behave at the time, it may have been a reaction that happened in the blink of an eye. I don't believe in bad people doing bad things. I believe there is always a reason, a reason we can all relate to and understand.

    I wonder if you can think about what kind of a place you were in mentally at the time of the action? What were you experiencing?

    Warmly,

    Pumps

    1 person found this helpful
  21. Ggrand
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    28 September 2021 in reply to Maxy333

    Hello Maxy,

    Iam sorry I haven’t replied sooner...fighting some of my demons now for a while...

    Maxxy, It sounds like to me that this one family member is holding a grudge on you and is determined to hurt you and the rest of the family by being vengeful and cruel towards you..

    If this family member wasn’t .....well let’s say out for revenge...would your family members be forgiving towards you?...and would your wrong choice be layed to rest a lot quicker?...

    Maxxy...Their is one very important thing I want to say to you...and that is to please try hard and don’t hate yourself...everyone at one time or another do make wrong choices..not intentionally, but it does happen....I have made several that are still affecting my love ones today....

    You sound through our talks here...a very caring person...who wouldn’t hurt anyone intentionally...

    Here for you Maxy....Please talk here when you feel up to it...You are not alone..

    My kindest thoughts with my care..

    Grandy..

    1 person found this helpful
  22. Maxy333
    Maxy333 avatar
    10 posts
    28 September 2021 in reply to Ggrand
    A huge thanks for your helpful and kind words here. They have given me comfort and something to think about. Cheers. Macy.
    1 person found this helpful

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