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Topic: Hi from a newbie

13 posts, 0 answered
  1. Lakeside19
    Lakeside19 avatar
    16 posts
    8 April 2020

    Hi there!

    I’m new to the forums so just wanted to say hello. I’m not really sure what I should write but I suddenly had the urge to find somewhere I could connect and chat to others who understand what I feel sometimes.

    I have struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember & am still working to find things that really help me to deal with it. I think I’m probably like many of you in that I’m finding the current situation quite a struggle. Had this happened 5 years ago I would’ve easily found things to occupy myself but with a 4 year old at home gone are the days of binge watching tv series, crafting & gaming.

    I’m hoping having a safe place to get the feelings out and just to have a chat (I’ve always been better at talking from behind a screen) will help a little. I look forward to finding out more about all of you

  2. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    10789 posts
    8 April 2020 in reply to Lakeside19

    Hi Lakeside19

    Welcome and good on you for having the courage to post too!

    The forums are a safe and non judgemental place for you to post and yes this is a difficult time for everyone...You have a proactive and strong mindset especially by posting your own thread...

    Like yourself I have had anxiety on and off for a long time....The anxiety is a pain to have...We understand what you are going through Lakeside

    Can I ask if you have even a small support network available to you in this difficult time? (one or two people you can confide in is always helpful)....I have 2 friends (off the forums) that I can confide in when I am stuck

    That aside...there are many gentle people on the forums that can be here for you. Having a place to vent and discuss your feelings is important for your health as you mentioned!

    you are not alone

    Paul

    1 person found this helpful
  3. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    13477 posts
    8 April 2020 in reply to Lakeside19

    Hello Lakeside19, can I also welcome you and agree with Paul and what he has said back to you.

    I also feel that there are so many other people in the same position as you, but that doesn't make the situation any easier for you and appreciate what you are trying to cope with.

    A 4 year old can be very active and not understand what and why all of this is happening, but know that my granddaughters are entertained for a few hours by watching a DVD.

    I hope this will give you the time to come back to us because we have also struggled with some type of depression and needed someone to talk too who understands and we can connect with.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Lakeside19
    Lakeside19 avatar
    16 posts
    8 April 2020 in reply to blondguy

    Hi Paul! Thanks for your reply

    I have my best friend who I’ve known most my life, my mum and my partner as my main support. I’m very close with my mum & know she’d do anything for me but she’s never been one to talk much about feelings. My partner tries his hardest but I do think he struggles at times with not knowing what the best thing to say or do is. I think sometimes it’s hard for them to understand why “small things” might seem so big & how I’m often struggling with the fight between what I call my two brains. My rational thinking brain and my anxiety brain that likes to take over.

    For most of my life I kept it all to myself though as I wasn’t comfortable discussing it. It’s only really been since having my son that I’ve been much more open about it. I decided I want him to grow up feeling that whatever he feels is ok and it’s always ok to talk about it so I’ve had to work on letting people in. About a year and a half ago I also had some health issues where my anxiety made it almost impossible to function so I really had to lean on them then.

    I do have others I could turn to if I really needed to but these are the 3 I feel most comfortable with.

    Do you mind if I ask if your friends also have anxiety disorders? Have they found any helpful ways to assist you when you’re having trouble or is it more just a case of having someone to listen?

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Lakeside19
    Lakeside19 avatar
    16 posts
    8 April 2020 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff. Thanks for replying!

    My son is definitely very active! He’s pretty much non-stop from the time he wakes up. I was a stay at home mum before the virus so I had thought not a lot would change but I’m realising just how much time we spent at all his different activities or just getting out to parks, shops and play centres etc. It’s very different when you can’t just get out and about on a tough day. He understands why we can’t go places but it’s hard to not be able to do anything when he says he wishes the virus would go away so he could see his friends & go places.

    I’ve really had to force myself to accept that sometimes for my own sanity he may have more screen time than I’d like and that’s ok. I’m also teaching trained so put too much pressure on myself sometimes to have all these educational activities to keep him occupied. It’s a lot different doing it 24/7 with your own child though to being in a classroom or centre.

    On a different note, I noticed your profile pic. How are you coping without the footy? I don’t know anything about AFL but am a big nrl fan. Feels very strange with no games to watch each week!

    1 person found this helpful
  6. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    13477 posts
    9 April 2020 in reply to Lakeside19

    Hello Lakeside, 2020 will go down in history as a year that will never be forgotten, fires, drought, floods and the COVID-19 virus and we're only into April.

    With everything on hold or even cancelled, it's a time we all wonder about.

    Footy doesn't have the same atmosphere without the crowds and would to think what a $1m player feels with no one there.

    I also follow the NRL as well as the rugby union plus I have my $0.50 bets but it feels as though we are in a 'no time zone'.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

  7. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    10789 posts
    10 April 2020 in reply to Lakeside19

    Hi Lakeside

    Great to have you as part of the Beyond Blue forum family :-)

    Having 3 people that you can confide in is a huge bonus and good on you! I used to have chronic anxiety attacks followed by depression for a few decades and its a awful time to go through..yet the feelings are temporary

    To answer your question....Yes I have friends with anxiety issues just like you and I do...Having someone to vent/talk to is essential when we have any degree of anxiety...especially if the anxiety interferes with our day to day well being

    Sure..we dont have an instant chat function yet using your PC is just fine Lakeside :-)

    You have an understanding partner that is trying hard yet has difficulty understanding what you are going through....Beyond Blue have gentle support for your partner on this official thread below..

    www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone/supporting-someone-with-depression-or-anxiety

    I do hope that this link is helpful to your partner

    How was your day Lakeside?

    my kindest

    Paul

  8. Lakeside19
    Lakeside19 avatar
    16 posts
    13 April 2020 in reply to blondguy

    Thanks for that link Paul! I will definitely pass it on to my partner.

    I have to be honest. I have sort of resigned myself to the fact that I may feel this anxiety quite badly for the rest of my life. It feels like I have tried so much and haven’t found anything overly helpful. Little bits and pieces help at times but I haven’t found anything that can really help when it gets bad. I do get depression but it seems to mostly due to the anxiety. I think if I could find something to ease that then I’d be on top of the depression.

    Today was a good day though. Nothing beats watching the excitement and pure joy in my little ones eyes on these holidays. Those are the moments that make it all easier. The Easter bunny was good to us all and we had a fun day of chocolate & Messy Easter activities.

    How has your Easter weekend been?

  9. zguenzl
    zguenzl avatar
    31 posts
    14 April 2020 in reply to Lakeside19

    Hi Lakeside,

    I'm sorry to hear that this feels like it will last a long time.

    I also feel that way sometimes, and have found meditation and crafts really helpful (which I think you're already doing!)

    If you get a moment to yourself, practicing mindfulness could help bring some inner peace. I really like the SmilingMind app as it guides you through. Maybe you could give this a try?

    Hope you had a lovely long weekend.

    Zoe

  10. Lakeside19
    Lakeside19 avatar
    16 posts
    15 April 2020 in reply to zguenzl

    Hi Zoe

    I love the idea of meditation and have tried a couple of times but I really struggle with keeping my mind focused. It often wanders and I have to continuously try to get back to the right state. I also have a lot of trouble with relaxing fully & visualisation, many I have tried use picturing different scenarios in your mind and I just cannot seem to do this. Is this just something you have to sort of train yourself to do? Does it get easier? Any tips?

    I have a lot of mindfulness techniques given to me by a psychologist but again often have trouble with them. Though my biggest problem is probably that I’m not consistent enough. I’ll do it for a few days & then be tired or have a bad day & not do it & end up back in a rut if that makes sense. I will definitely give the app a go though, I think something guided would work better for me so thanks for that!

    We had a lovely backyard picnic in the sunshine today. Trying to make the most of these moments during this time. I hope you are doing well

  11. zguenzl
    zguenzl avatar
    31 posts
    15 April 2020 in reply to Lakeside19

    Hi Lakeside,

    The picnic sounds lovely.

    Keeping my mind focused was also hard. I think the main thing with meditation is that you have to *want* to do it. My psychologist recommended a few techniques to me which I tried but didn't resonate with. A lot of it is finding what you enjoy. Mindfulness could even be when you were having your picnic just taking a few moments to listen to the sounds around you and feeling the sun on your face and letting any thoughts you have just wash over you. There's no rigid way to meditate/be mindful, it's just about clearing your head.

    Going for walks also works, or doing a puzzle, or anything where you can allow your mind to be clear for a few moments.

    Hope you have a beautiful day!

    Zoe

  12. Lakeside19
    Lakeside19 avatar
    16 posts
    18 April 2020 in reply to zguenzl

    Thanks for the suggestions Zoe, much appreciated.

    I have downloaded the smiling mind app and have done a few of the basic meditations. I’m really enjoying it and find his voice really calming so hopefully I’ll have the motivation to keep going with it.

    I’ve found crossword puzzles and diamond art to be great for keeping my mind focused and off other things. Just a matter of finding time to do them with a little one around.

    enjoy your weekend!

    1 person found this helpful
  13. White Rose
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    White Rose avatar
    6322 posts
    20 April 2020 in reply to Lakeside19

    Dear Lakeside

    Hello and a belated welcome to the forum.

    Meditation can seem difficult because we often lose our concentration. I have been meditating for years and still have problems. Some days are great, others not so good. When you realise you are getting distracted it can be difficult to get back on track so to speak. Waste no effort on trying to put something out of your mind by willpower. Instead focus on the meditation. Try to acknowledging the interruption and say you will get back to that thought later. Be gentle with yourself and start meditating again.

    It is easy to get annoyed and dispirited. We are not used to calming ourselves in this way, not used to reaching our calm centre. While our brains are very useful they do like to retain the status quo. Meditation is a huge change in managing ourselves and the brain does not like change. it will happen but not overnight.

    How do you meditate? Filling your mind with pictures etc is just distracting in my opinion. How are we supposed to relax while we frantically try to keep a picture of the sea in our minds. I use a mantra which I repeat silently in my mind and that's what I concentrate on. Yes I find myself dealing with other thoughts before I realise it but when I do realise I put the thought to one side and gently bring myself back to meditation and my mantra.

    I hope that helps. Love to hear from you again.

    Mary

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