I'd like to welcome you here and can very much sympathize wiht your situation. It has made for a hard life and reaching out here will be a good move.
To have a wonderful family, good home, decent job and all the rest, including being on friendly terms with your in-laws sounds great -and can be completely irrelevant.
The way you feel is basically holding you prisoner, not allowing you to do the sort of activities one might expect, and instead fills your life with worry.
I ended up with several things including a chronic anxiety state -though that was because of matters not related to yours.
May I strongly suggest you do see a professional, particularly one who specializes in childhood trauma and take it from there. I simply got worse -no way I could force myself to improve - until I got competent medical help.
That made all the difference, I now lead a pretty good life, giving and receiving support and love, as well as achievement.
This was not down just to the doctors, but also my partner, who was an understanding support and source of love. You said you were married to a wonderful man, do you think you could talk to him frankly about this and get his understanding support? Trying to cope in isolation is terribly hard.
My mistake was trying to keep things to myself for far too long, it simply made matters worse.
I hope you will come back and talk more to us