I've never used Beyondblue before or ever sent a question in the forum before, but here it goes...
I'm 24 year old female and since I was about 19 was when I first started experiencing bad anxiety and depression ever.
I have mostly lived a good life, but my family and I have battled many hardships, depression and anxieties in our life, moving from one place to another, etc
I had always mostly been a confident person, but when I first got depression is when I had lost my close friend at the time, and felt like I was always giving to people but never ever getting anything in return. I felt like I had lost all my goals and felt like didn't know what my purpose in lofe was anymore
During this time, I had experienced many illusions or hallucinations for the first time. At first I just kept it to myself because you know how people would probably think you were crazy I guess.
I felt very disconnected, withdrawn, and like I wasn't in my body, distorted thinking and seeing things.
I had been keeping it to myself for a while, because it seems to only pop up after either experiencing really bad panic attacks or traumatic events in my life. I don't really hear things or feel like I'm being followed etc, but I often feel like I'm being judged all the time.
And I don't know if I just go through this or if anyone feels like this during times when they have either felt continuously let down, heartbroken or continuously degraded in life so I don't know if I let my own intuitive thoughts control me.
I had been scared to talk to anyone about it, because I guess people would think it is sczophrenia but I feel like I don't have all of the symptoms.
When I don't experience much trauma, I feel like I rarely experience this but I feel like I have been experiencing this a lot because I have been unhappy for the past three years, because I have either been in bad jobs with people who have either micromanaged or belittled me, and my life has never felt like it's moved foward for the past three-four years or so.
I'm going to see a Phyciatrist about it all. It may be a long wait and I know we can't help anything at all right now due to the coronavirus but I feel like it has been getting a lot worse because of this too.
I was just wondering if this might be normal to experience? because I always feel like I'm not normal and because of this I always get upset and cry about it, and this worries me a lot...