Thanks so much for your response. I have been given a month to focus on my recovery and really consider my decision, before we meet again hopefully in mid-April. It's been good, as I've really been able to rest without needing to meet other obligations of our community life (presence during prayer and meal times, and house responsibilities), but it's also making me feel things are just drawn out. I want to honour what we agreed to, but I also know what I want to ask for.
To be honest, I have been made to feel those things a lot. Particularly in hearing comments several times like, "You are stressed, well what about us?" And then the strong sense of resentment I feel from them at not being able to do more. Makes me feel like such a burden and so invalidated.
I think you're right in that I don't need to feel unhappy. I love the people I live with and I love the life and the commitment I made. But I just feel very drawn to choose healing and I know that, for me, it's not going to come here. I was told outright that if I leave I can't come back. After talking to a friend about it, she helped me to see that's a sort of emotional blackmail, which I felt considering the way it was said. But even as I heard that, I didn't feel sad, more of a "well, that's okay".
The people I would generally confide in about leaving and staying in touch are the people who are triggering a lot of these negative feelings, but I do have a few that I'm more friendly with who I would definitely contact once my leaving is approved. It's quite a relief to know that if I really want to leave, which I do, they can't force me to stay.
Thanks again, you've helped so much!