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Topic: My feelings

  1. JacintaMarie
    JacintaMarie avatar
    106 posts
    22 June 2021

    Hi

    I have feelings that I have and when people don't respect them (if this is the correct word) I feel worthless. And when other people feel one way, I feel bad for not feeling that way, I'm sorry, that's the way I can explain, I 'm not explaining it well.

    For example, at work, I'm the only one who wears a short sleeve tee shirt & everyone else complains about the cold, I feel the odd one out for not feeling cold. I have made the mistake of explaining but this just makes them angry, they don't want to hear this, I've even said, perhaps the area is too large an area to heat up, the smaller the room, the quicker it is to heat, or is this completely wrong!

    I know, I know, I shouldn't say anything, I need to be prepared for the opposite reaction, because of this I don't want to talk at all, it's easy & no one needs to get angry if they don't like what they hear. I have been told though, if people get angry, it's a reflection of them not me.

    I just worry about things I shouldn't!

  2. white knight
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    white knight avatar
    9781 posts
    22 June 2021 in reply to JacintaMarie

    Hi, welcome

    Perhaps I can help because "worry" is a dirty word.

    Think about this- what does worry give you that's positive? It will give you ulcers and that's negative.

    Combined with that is low confidence/identity in your case.

    Ideally therapy could sort this out so consider that.

    But there is one thing positive in you- you are not a sheep that does what others do. And you won't wear jumpers out either lol

    Please Google the following-

    Beyondblue topic worry worry worry

    Beyondblue topic guilt the tormentor

    repost anytime in those threads or here.

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  3. therising
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    23 June 2021 in reply to JacintaMarie

    Hi JacintaMarie

    There is a collection of people I know who all get around in shorts and t-shirts during the colder months and if there's one thing they all have in common it's...they're more energetic than everyone else. To have so much energy to the point where it keeps you warm is impressive in my opinion. Do you ever question why others don't have as much energy as you? Do you ever wonder what's wrong with them. Do their energy levels match their personality?

    Would you say you're dealing with somewhat unreasonable people? While you can offer perfectly good reasons that make perfectly good sense, they just can't open their mind to such reasons. Are you more open minded than most people you know? Do you wonder a lot and try to make sense of things, whereas others don't seem to question in constructive ways? Do you take the emotion out of situations when 'objective analysis' is the key to a solution? Do people tend to label you as 'sensitive' or 'too sensitive'? Is it typically the insensitive people who do this?

    If all this does happen to be the case, you could say you have the ability to generate your own perfect amount of energy, the ability to reason, the ability to keep an open mind, the ability to analyse and try to make sense of things, the ability to sense degradation form others and the list goes on. Again, if this is the case, you have a lot of abilities others don't seem to have. You gotta admit, you're pretty amazing. If you feel you don't fit in, in certain ways, it's possibly because you're not interacting with others who hold the same abilities. Do you feel this could be the case?

    :)

    1 person found this helpful
  4. JacintaMarie
    JacintaMarie avatar
    106 posts
    23 June 2021 in reply to therising

    Hi therising, thanks for your kind words, some of what you say may be true, though in outside temperatures I do wear a jumper lol

    I usually see that I'm wrong & that others are right, I am sensitive.

    You may be right & the people at work may be unreasonable, but with my self esteem, it may be my head, I don't trust the thoughts in my head, they may be not be telling the truth & are warping me.

    I don't know if it's me, but sometimes I get confused when they are explaining stuff, I feel so dumb as I didn't get it.

    I am on anxiety pills, which are helping, a little, though I'm having a relapse now...

    I feel bad because after 5 years, even I am feeling tired of this heating crisis, then I feel bad for feeling this way, I'm not caring enough for their pain (their words)

  5. JacintaMarie
    JacintaMarie avatar
    106 posts
    23 June 2021 in reply to white knight

    Hi White Knight

    Thanks, I'll try to do that & therapy I'll think about it, I work full time, so I'll try.

    I do have low confidence.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. romantic_thi3f
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    romantic_thi3f avatar
    3188 posts
    23 June 2021 in reply to JacintaMarie

    Hi JacintaMarie,

    Thank you for your post and for trying to explain what's going on. I'm not sure if I get it fully so please correct me if I am misunderstanding.

    So the current temperature here is 12c, and if I go outside I can see some people who are wearing shorts and others in big puffer jackets- and everything in between. Yes, some of the clothing choices can be energy based, but it can also just be general body warmth or environment (like when people relocate from different climates).

    If you are interacting with these people and you say that you feel cold, and people in shorts say it's hot - is that what makes you feel insecure? That somehow you aren't doing the right thing by wearing shorts?

    I'm sorry this is a bit long winded- I just want to try and make sure I understand what it is that upsets you.

    rt

  7. JacintaMarie
    JacintaMarie avatar
    106 posts
    23 June 2021 in reply to romantic_thi3f

    Hi Romantic

    Yes, that 's the gist of it, only at work, I'm the opposite, I'm wearing short sleeve tee-shirts & the others are wearing jumpers etc, for some reason I think there' s something wrong with me. I'm literally the only one in the office that is like that

    You have nailed it, I understand that people have different body Temps but when I try to explain that, they don't listen. I, have Googled that there is no such thing as a perfect office temperature but can I say that to them... No, they will not like that

    Sorry I'm pathetic for getting insecure about this, or I'm frustrated at having to explain again and again why I'm not cold.

    I think our office is too large to heat up adequately but have no proof but don't want to say anything because I don't want to get "yelled up"

    Sorry Beyond Blue, for my patheticness.

  8. JacintaMarie
    JacintaMarie avatar
    106 posts
    24 June 2021

    Hi again

    Another of my rants, another thing too is that I don't tell people what they want to say.

    I think this is what people do, so it's easier, just tell people what they want. But I'm stupid and I end up saying it, or I don't tell them at all, it's just easier, I don't know why I bother as they don't listen

    Once I get this out of my head, then it'll be okay.

    Thank you for putting up with this rant,

  9. therising
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    24 June 2021 in reply to JacintaMarie

    Hi JacintaMarie

    I'm so glad you feel the freedom to vent. It's good therapy.

    I think sometimes we just have to manage people to the best of our ability, under certain circumstances. Of course, our abilities change with experience which means we may look forward to being able to manage people more expertly over time. If you consider we're typically conditioned to be people pleasers when we're little, as we grow we manage the challenges that come with not always pleasing or having to please others. It's kind of like learning your way out of a self destructive form of people pleaser mode. It definitely pays to learn how to please yourself a little more. It's good for mental health.

    Sometimes it's easier to please others, say when we're feeling really mentally drained and not really up for a battle. Sometimes it's easier to please our self, which may mean triggering others. Sometimes you may be challenged to say what others don't want to hear but really need to hear. I found once I finally found the freedom to speak freely, I had to work on developing a filter, so as to sift out anything that may be regarded as an insult. Giving yourself the freedom to say to someone incredibly arrogant 'You're such a shockingly degrading thoughtless human being' can have you burning some bridges that you may actually still need in place :) There's such a variety of scenarios when it comes to communication and our attempts to master it.

    :)

    Do you ever observe the nature of the people you work with? Getting to know how they naturally tick might make it easier to manage their personalities. Just a thought.

  10. white knight
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    white knight avatar
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    24 June 2021 in reply to JacintaMarie

    Hi

    Just a little word about sensitivity.

    HSP= highly sensitive person makes up to 20% of the population.

    That's right 1 in 5. I'm one too. Sensitivity has qualities attached to it like being more considerate, deep emotions and feelings.

    Without my sensitivity I wouldn't be able to write poetry.

    You are very special, you have to convince yourself of that.

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  11. JacintaMarie
    JacintaMarie avatar
    106 posts
    25 June 2021 in reply to therising

    Hi the rising

    I have been trying to learn their personality but the only way, is to not talk, others there if they don't like something you say, they react with anger, which is valid but to me, it makes me not want to talk to them, as I get anxious about what to say & to me, I feel its rude to "go off" at someone. But that's me, of course,

    At the moment I feel terrible that apart from work, I don't want to hang out with them & that I'm failing at my work, I'm not perfect, actually my obverservance is whenever things go wrong, there is panic everywhere or is this just me

    I'm not a strong person, these people are "normal" & I am struggling to deal with them, I'll try though.

    Another thing, I work on a library & I need to be more observent about fixing the bad spinelabels, I haven't been fixing them, I've been lazy (my words) and the clients are going to notice & think we're not doing it, though some of the clients don't notice in their rooms.

    Thanks again for my vent & I apologize if I am being too negetive about them, it is me, not them

  12. JacintaMarie
    JacintaMarie avatar
    106 posts
    26 June 2021 in reply to white knight
    SethMe
  13. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
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    26 June 2021 in reply to JacintaMarie

    hi.

    You are not weird! Perhaps look at it that you are unique. And it would be boring if everyone were the same.

    I know you were using the example regarding the heating as a example and when people tell me I am crazy for not feeling the cold, my rely is "you wish you were like me". From your posts I see that you see yourself as not good at your work, people will notice this, stupid, etc.

    can I ask i anyone has said you are no good (at your job)?

    from my experience, people do not notice mistakes. Yet I will beat myself over something i have done. From my psychologist ... if a mistake is noticed, what is the worst thing that can happen? And... "a mistake is an opportunity for learning"

    Lastly, you clearly have the skills and talents required for the job.

    It is easy (for me at least) to believe our thoughts, but that is just what they are... thoughts! Not fact!

    Everything I may have said is not easy to do first time, like you can flick a switch and the way you see thing change immediately. maybe give yourself a little time to find some practices where it is possible to see yourself in a different light.

    Listening to you, Tim

    1 person found this helpful
  14. JacintaMarie
    JacintaMarie avatar
    106 posts
    28 June 2021 in reply to smallwolf

    Hi Tim

    No, they haven't told me, my brain says it to me, though once I asked someone at work to not speak to me like she does, it was too blunt but she only turned it around & it was my own fault.

    Thanks, its hard to think I'm unique but I'll try.

    I am trying to use mistakes as learning tools

    Plus too my interpretation of people's moods, isn't very good, I tend to feel like I'm being told off then get told off for not answering normally, I either speak too long or too short.

    Or am I'm takingit too personally.

    Actually I read an article in Wellbeing about empaths & feel that's me, I take on everyone's energy and stress & its exghasting me

  15. therising
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    29 June 2021 in reply to JacintaMarie

    Hi JacintaMarie

    It sounds like you've identified one of your unique senses. If you feel you're an empath, have you researched ways of managing your ability? One management strategy of an empath involves being able to emotionally detach from people when you feel the need. For example, just say one of your co-workers comes up to you expressing anger. First, you identify it's their anger you're experiencing and you then sense how it leads you to feel. If you sense it's a feeling you don't want, you can take a step back through the process of objective analysis: 'I wonder why they can't manage their anger or intolerance in ways that are going to serve everyone'. The revelation may be 'They've never been led to have to manage their anger. They feel entitled to express it, no matter who they impact'. As an empath who has managed to emotionally detach, you may sense self entitlement in them. Further revelation may come from wondering about how to manage a self entitled person. There are a lot of good exercises out there for empaths, which are well worth researching.

    How many people do you know who use mistakes as learning tools, compared to the amount of people who simply love to believe they don't make mistakes? You have a truly brilliant open minded approach to life with a desire to constantly evolve. You use your mistakes as ways to become more conscious. Just like with your empathic ability you're in search of perfecting, an open mind also requires careful management.

    An open minded person holds the ability to channel inspiration, channel outside the square ways of thinking, channel wonder (when it comes to the questionable nature of people and challenges), channel ideas for personal growth and so on. The challenge becomes about knowing when to shut down certain channels that don't serve you, like the ones that bring you down. Just say you're in an open minded state when someone at work comes up to you spouting out some insult at you. You gotta shut that down straight away. You really don't want that stuff coming into your head. It's a vile channel for a beautiful person to be tuned into. In this case you may choose to open your mind to to a different channel - inspiration. To channel inspiration you might ask the question 'How do I manage this person?' What comes to mind may be 'Turn around and walk away'. The challenge is to actually do this. Although simple advice, this may be the hardest thing you've ever done because you've never practiced it before.

    :)

    1 person found this helpful
  16. JacintaMarie
    JacintaMarie avatar
    106 posts
    29 June 2021 in reply to therising

    Hi The rising

    Thanks for that, I will try &research empaths.

    It is hard to turn around & walk away,

    sometimes I like the Craig David song "Walking away" , if I remember to listen or lately, I've been literally walking away so I don't have to listen, which has helped, &having work to do.

  17. JacintaMarie
    JacintaMarie avatar
    106 posts
    26 November 2021

    Hi

    Got triggered at work & need to get it out. I made a mistake with an email address, a typo. I should have checked it properly.

    It's stupid to get worried about, but being proactive I asked if they could generate an report so i can double check my work

    My anxiety is saying I'm only one who makes mistakes, sometimes I feel better when others make mistakes, I'm not only one!

    I do all right then stupid brain makes stupid mistake, thank God I'm only a level one, so hopefully my mistakes can't do anything. I hope'

    Worst of it, is that client won't get overdue! Which I guess they won't that

    Been back for less then a week from holidays & already worried

    Though person who said it, usually always points out others mistakes & proberly has anxiety as well. I never get any positive feedback from her, all very little.

    Thank you & keep safe & don't give up about the corona, it will get better

  18. JacintaMarie
    JacintaMarie avatar
    106 posts
    26 November 2021

    Hi again

    This is my fault, but this one person at work, all it feels like is that I can't ever do anything right.

    Plus too, I'm 39 & it feels like I want her approval, not anything negetive.

    Before she did the overdues, there was someone else who used to do, but that seemed to be okay, I didn't feel so bad, I did but since this person is doing it, there seems to be always problems.

    I do wrong stuff, I need to be punished but if someone else does it, nothing happens, they don't get told off or punished, why is level one's get told off more? Or is just my perspective.

    Also too I got told the same person made a huge mistake once but yet they still tell others of their small mistakes, which can be easily fixed without them mentioning it, I get told this is her, just ignore but is hard, I'm frustrated with me, as I feel like she treats me like an idiot but again, this is proberly my state of mind.

  19. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
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    26 November 2021 in reply to JacintaMarie

    I make enough mistakes each day and have a similar feeling about doing anything right. My psychologist also tell me a mistake is an opportunity for learning. And... at the end of the day, all we can do is the best that we can and that needs to be enough.

    Maybe part of it a relates to the person who we are interacting with has their own things to deal with and perhaps feels "it" (whatever that is) will reflect badly on them. Recognising that, it may give me (or you) a way of moving forward.

    my psychologist also suggested I read a book about things that were invented as a result of a mistake.

    Nor are you stupid. May I ask if you have perfectionist tendencies?

    1 person found this helpful
  20. therising
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    27 November 2021 in reply to JacintaMarie

    Hi JacintaMarie

    It can be so hard to listen to the voice of reason when you're in 2 minds. One mind can be saying 'You're so stupid, why did you do that?!', whereas the other (the one of reason) can say 'Don't sweat the small stuff, simply learn from it, let go and move on'. I've just this second had a revelation and I wish to thank you, truly thank you. Without you bringing this topic to mind, it may have taken me forever to make sense of the following...

    You can grow up spending a significant amount of your life justifying yourself to others. From when you're little, you're conditioned to answer questions such as

    • Why did you do that, why did you behave so stupidly?!
    • Why did you behave so thoughtlessly, why did you not think first?!
    • Why are you so selfish?!
    • Why did you not do better?!

    They're all questions and accusations (hence the exclamation marks). So, you could say we're conditioned into this type of internal dialogue that may not ever leave us, unless we wake up to it. I suppose it's kind of like a form of 'brainwashing'. Here, we're born with this incredible amazing brain that gives us the opportunity to wonder and question our self constructively but then all those abilities we have (to wonder and question constructively) are washed out, replaced by a destructive and harsh chastising kind of wondering and questioning. The challenge becomes about regaining those constructive abilities.

    By the way, with certain internal dialogue occasionally feeling like hell on earth, when it gets seriously deeply depressing, I suppose a constructive mantra in this case would be 'Shut the hell up' or should that be 'Shut the hellish dialogue down, straight away'.

    There can be a lot of reasons for why we 'miss the mark' (face a mistake). Exhaustion, rushing something when we're under pressure, we may be new to learning something, have a million things going on in our mind at once and so on. I suppose the question is 'Why did I miss it on the first take and how can I hit my mark on the next take (take 2)?' Some things in life, depending on what they are, involve multiple takes until we reach evidence of 'practice makes perfect'.

    Definitely can't hurt to wonder why that manager manages the way she does. You can be guaranteed there's a reason for it. Maybe she could be self entitled, feeling entitled to say whatever she wants or she may not have the ability to sense and relate to how others feel.

    Thanks again for opening my mind :)

    1 person found this helpful
  21. JacintaMarie
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    106 posts
    9 January 2022 in reply to therising

    Hi The rising

    Thanks for answering me, sorry my reply is late.

    At work, every time I'm away from my desk & there's a problem, my colleagues can't figure it out, or they keep on forgetting, despite me leaving emails to tell them about it. I think I'm a terrible communicator, at least one colleague makes me think that, she always gets nervous when I'm explaining stuff to her, I'm at the point where I feel I can't talk to her, I confuse her too much or she "panics" when I talk, there is someone else who is the same, though I can usually understand them, anyway that's how I want to deal with it, just avoid her, if can. When I hear them talking to others, it's always normal tone of voice, laughing & with me, boring, serious & I can't talk it with her, as she won't understand & miss the point, another colleague sometimes talks to me as though I'm always doing things wrong or I'm an idiot, I have tried to talk to her, to say can you please don't talk to me like that but she just turned it around onto me, so it's me. I just wish I could write an email that they can understand & that I don't need to be around to solve or maybe I shouldn't do it, as I'm just terrible at it.

    I honestly am trying, but I just can't seem to do it & I feel bad but I feel like their really hard to talk to, but that's wrong, I'm the one with problem.

    Sorry for vent, it does help & crying it too, at how pathetic I am or I'm being self pitying,. I am talking to a counsellor on the 17th of January

  22. JacintaMarie
    JacintaMarie avatar
    106 posts
    9 January 2022 in reply to smallwolf

    Thanks

    I guess I may have perfection but it's mainly I don't want to get it wrong in case someone goes off at me.

    Sorry for late reply

  23. therising
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    10 January 2022 in reply to JacintaMarie

    Hi JacintaMarie

    Good to hear you're booked in to see a counselor. I think just about all of us need some guidance in life here and there. Having some solid guidance can make a world of difference. Seeking guidance is positive constructive progress. I like to see it as 'being given a lantern on a part of our path in life which can be hard to see our way through'. Things can look a little dark and/or unclear at times.

    I think sometimes it can be hard regarding the job we've got, based on a variety of reasons. While I work as a kitchen hand (dish washer, general go to person for the chef and other things) in an aged care facility, no one else in the place, apart from the other kitchen hands and the chef somewhat can relate to this job. Hard to imagine but it's a high pressure job where routine and timing are significant in an 8 hour shift. You can't fall behind for a second without things becoming somewhat stressful. You can be in a job where the people around you can't relate to what it's like to do that job and this can create problems. You can be triggered by other employees and management quite easily at times, based on them being insensitive to not having walked a mile in your shoes. Then, suddenly, you can find people who relate to the triggers and stressors. When you find fellow employees who can relate, you can come to realise it's not you that has the problem necessarily. By the way, just the other day the chef was told to start making sandwiches and fruit platters for the care staff on a daily basis. When the chef explained she didn't have the time while working to prepare meals and other food for the residents, she was told by management 'Find the time'. How triggering is that?!

    I think, sometimes you can be left to wonder 'Is this the right job for me? Is this the best working environment for me? Am I being taken good care of regarding the kind of care and consideration I deserve, based on who I am?'. We can be left to wonder if the workplace is toxic in some way or whether it provides a sense of true satisfaction. Would a different place or job offer something better? If self esteem is perhaps low, we may say 'There's something wrong with me'. If self esteem is healthy, we can wake up to the fact that where we're working really isn't working for us.

    How does where you work and the people within that environment serve you? Are they more so self serving people?

  24. JacintaMarie
    JacintaMarie avatar
    106 posts
    11 January 2022 in reply to therising

    Hi The rising

    Thanks for that, your job is important, it helps the chef & perhaps hopefully the chef will find a way to make those sandwiches, here's hoping.

    I am looking for another job, though I haven't had much luck, I've looked but haven't applied for any.

    I do over analyse conversations, seeing if I've done anything wrong & if I have, I need to fix it, though I've noticed other people do stuff wrong but they don't want to fix themselves.

    I know I shouldn't but there's one girl there who probably thinks I'm am an idiot as she always seems to panic/stress when I do something wrong (which triggers me), to be honest she confuses me, she's not my supervisor but likes to tell people what to do, then I have my supervisor who tells me what to do, which usually is the opposite of what the girl tells me, I'm abit scared of both of them so want to make them happy but its like being stuck between a rock & a hard place, I'm going to "get it" either way.

    But hopefully I can leave but I need to learn how to deal with these people so at the new job, I don't take my issues there.

    Also too, your right, the people at work don't understand me, I'm like an alien, well that's what it feels like

    Thanks for answering me & good luck with the new task, I'm sure you'll work it out!

  25. JacintaMarie
    JacintaMarie avatar
    106 posts
    11 January 2022

    Hi again

    The girl at work that I have trouble with, that's her, she can't change and I shouldn't want to change her.

    I just find her hard to work with, I always seem to get it wrong & get confused. Everyone else can just deal with her.

    When she is happy, she's lovely to be around but if she's in a grumpy or angry, then you have to be on guard.

    Sorry for whining, I just need to get strategies to not let her get to me, I think I'm the only one, everyone else likes her, thinks she's the best & she's wonderful.

  26. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
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    12 January 2022 in reply to JacintaMarie

    You said that

    she's in a grumpy or angry, then you have to be on guard.

    this is natural. I would also say that if this were the case before you did anything (relatively speaking) then maybe something on the way to work or at home made her this way. It is not a reflection on your abilities. Maybe she does not deal with stress very well.

    My boss does not deal with stress very well. Gets all flustered and short tempered. I have to remind myself that it is not me! Others think she is the great also... but they are not around her all the time either.

    Are you on friendly terms with her? Maybe could ask her about what is going on for her?

    Any of this help?

  27. JacintaMarie
    JacintaMarie avatar
    106 posts
    18 January 2022 in reply to smallwolf

    Hi smallwolf

    Thanks, that's great, you may be right, she may not deal with stress very well & stuff happens on the way to work that puts her in a bad way. She has come in with the tell tale grumpiness...

    I'm not that friendly with her, so I can't ask, or I've tried to be friendly but have had too many knock backs from her, so I stay away from her, as much as possible, I'm a little scared, between her & Team Leader it's like being stuck between rock & hard place.

    For example, she sits by the window & if she's away, the blind goes up & ooh if we forget to put blind down, grumpiness comes out! So little things get up her goat, think everyone else thinks she's great too, but then their not around her all the time.

    One time, someone ended up opening a pineocleen packet the wrong way, so she sent an passive aggressive email around the office, I thought it was me, so I brought a new packet. I don't know if it was me, can't remember, apparently they had budget constraints, so they couldn't buy another.

    You are right, I just have to deal with her better, then I can move on to something else, as there will be others like her, everywhere

  28. smallwolf
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    18 January 2022 in reply to JacintaMarie

    Thanks.

    If this person does get to work already grumpy, it can have an effect for some time and if you do something really minor, she may over react,

    Comparison ... a person would get worked up when a chair was put away incorrectly. Most would just fix it and move on. This person will tell me that other people have no idea and don't follow the rules.

  29. JacintaMarie
    JacintaMarie avatar
    106 posts
    19 January 2022 in reply to smallwolf

    Hi smallwolf

    Thanks for that, that is true, today I wasn't triggered,which is good. Just need to learn not to be triggered.

    Something happy,I managed to figure out the new ServiceWA app,I was happy could do it, as others said it was hard, was fiddly but did it!

  30. smallwolf
    Community Champion
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    smallwolf avatar
    6286 posts
    19 January 2022 in reply to JacintaMarie

    Really cool!

    I know that feeling. I was trying to get my vax status into the checkin Qld app. I was following the directions and nothing worked. Then someone showed me an alternative way of doing it and Bang, like a snap. OK. I needed help, but that feeling of happiness was great!

    1 person found this helpful

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