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by Jolly Chaplin
5 hours ago
Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers)

Space for sharing tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing with other carers.

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by Not_Batman
9 hours ago
Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family, and friendships.

4919 34106
by ecomama
3 hours ago
Anxiety

Space for discussion of generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), social anxiety, phobias, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and intrusive thoughts, panic attacks, and eating disorders.

5037 33975
by blondguy
6 hours ago
Depression

Space for discussion of major depression, bipolar disorder, cyclothymic and dysthymic disorders, and BPD (borderline personality disorder).

4583 33150
by Sophie_M
1 hour ago
Young people

Space for people aged 12-25 to discuss life and wellbeing issues. If you are aged over 25, please be mindful that this forum is a space for younger people to connect and provide peer support for each other.

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by Anon#1234
3 hours ago
Grief and loss

Support following the bereavement of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

572 3564
by dangerousflower
1 day and 11 hours ago

Topic: My fiancé left me because i have anxiety.

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. hanmnro
    hanmnro avatar
    4 posts
    15 July 2020

    Hello,

    I have previously posted on here when my boyfriend at the time was putting me down, he would comment on my weight and said that men would be more attracted to me if i was skinner. I went on to get engaged to this man, thinking that things would get better. He would commit to making me feel better and help me be the best i can be. There have been several red flags in our relationship, we had been dating for over two years and i still hadn’t been introduced to his grandparents who live about 20 mins away. Once we got engaged, there was no excitement on his behalf, no planning on having an engagement party or wedding plans.. nothing! I was so excited and couldn’t wait to make plans with him.
    He broke up with me about 4 months ago, i was suffering with anxiety and depression.. was doubting myself and that i was even attractive to him anymore. He left me, and since then we still live together and he has made more of an effort to make me feel attractive but not on committing back to being with me. I have worked on myself and continue to every day, I don’t see him making the same efforts and yet he says he loves me. I’m very confused and would love someone’s point of view on this.
    Thank you

  2. Tay100
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tay100 avatar
    489 posts
    15 July 2020 in reply to hanmnro

    Hi hanmnro

    Thankyou for posting, we understand that can be hard to do when you are feeling vulnerable and are at a loss. Please know that you aren't alone in experiencing relationship issues. You are allowed to feel what you feel.

    It can be disorientating and frustrating when people say and do different things- it's hard to know where we stand and how to respond to them. From what you have said, it seems like some healthy distance may be good if he doesn't show his dedication to you- and especially if he makes you feel and think things that you certainly don't deserve. Can I ask, have you got a support network or access to professional help to help you with your anxiety and depression? You say that you have been working on yourself every day and that's great- you deserve to have people support you along the way.

    Feel free to use this thread to chat further if you like,

    Tay100

  3. Aphador
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Aphador avatar
    71 posts
    15 July 2020 in reply to hanmnro
    Hi Hanmnro! :)
    Well done for having the courage to post, this seems like a very distressing situation for you. It's great to hear that you are working on yourself every day!
    I would like to echo Tay100's thoughts, in that some distance may be helpful at the current stage. When you do not see him every day, it may give you some more perspective on how you feel. Is it suitable for you to find another place to live?
    Remember that you are important and have so much to offer! You deserve someone who shows as much appreciation to you as you do to them.
    Hope you feel you can keep in contact!
    Aphador :)
  4. SarahZ
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    SarahZ avatar
    119 posts
    15 July 2020 in reply to hanmnro

    Hello hanmnrio,

    Thanks for reaching out. You are very brave and courageous in doing so. Firstly, I want to say I'm really sorry to her about your situation right now. You must be feeling really confused and upset with his conflicting actions, which I can somewhat relate to with my past relationship. In my recent 4 year relationship, I only saw my boyfriend's (now ex) parents once! It was definitely a red flag, which I always ignored, despite my friends continuously pointing it out. However, during isolation, and with the excessive amount of spare time it provided me to reflect, I came to the realisation that it was definitely a big issue with our relationship, and hence ended it. Similar to what the other members have suggested, I think establishing some time away from him may give you better clarity to what direction you want to take in the future. It may also give the space and clarity to determine what is best for your mental health. Do you have a strong support system around you? It might be helpful to talk to a close family member or friend about your current situation and what they see in terms of the relationship dynamic from an outside perspective . Please remember your are worthy and deserving of love equal to the love you give back :)

    Please keep us updated if you feel up to it!

    Wishing you all the best and sending you positive thoughts x

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