Welcome to the forum and you have posted perfectly, we hear you and we are here to chat and to share how you are feeling as much or as little as you want to. How you have described you are feeling is alot to manage so I am pleased you have reached out here.
It is hard to manage when you do reach out to family and friends and don't really get much back, sometimes I think people struggle with what to say and how to respond, so they don't, which is pretty hard for the person reaching out. In saying that we do have so many good resources these days and I would like to think that people know about Beyond Blue and other support services. That they too could reach out how to find out how to support you, or anyone for that matter. As we know though, we cannot make others do anything and nor can we be responsible for how others respond to us.
I am so sorry to hear that you are in pain and that you are scared all the time, it is hard to know what to do when this happens. Can I ask if you have things in your life that do bring you some joy, even if it is small or momentarily? There are also some great threads here in the social section here that you might like to have a look at and even join in on.
I hope to chat to you some more Rob, we are here for you and we care, feel free to share as much as you feel comfortable to, there is no judgement here.
Hugs to you