Hello Csci2555, a warm welcome to the site and sorry for how you are feeling.
Whether or not it's a career you really want, I can't answer that, but can you type 'intrusive thoughts' in the search bar above or in your main browser, these normally happen if you're suffering from anxiety, and I can only say this because it's happened with me, although I'm not qualified to say.
These thoughts become stuck in our mind and can cause distress as they keep upsetting us and keep reoccurring.
Going out on weekends is a way we try and block these thoughts but they keep on returning.
Please ask any questions you would like to know.