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Topic: OCD is getting bad again -fear of accidentally or carelessly hurting others

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Redleaf
    Redleaf avatar
    2 posts
    29 March 2021

    Hi, I’m blue and what follows reads as boring, but for me it really bad.

    One of my ocd problems is that I fear hurting others. I’ve had this problem on and off since I was a child. I am 65 now.

    Two weeks ago I decided to make chicken soup in the crockpot. For my husband and I, and to give to our son to take home for himself and grandson.

    I’ve done this before but never without ocd thoughts, and often I don’t do such things because I just can’t deal with the anxiety.

    Anyway, I started to make the soup. I had nearly finished preparation and put in chicken last, I thought one piece maybe, possibly, might not have looked the right colour. I went back and forth in my mind, unable to convince myself that the chicken was fine and ended up throwing it all out, and then scrubbed all the places the chicken could have, maybe, might have touched including the fridge even though chicken had been well wrapped in plastic etc..

    The following week I was determined to make some stew my son likes and was able to cook it and give it to him to take home -ocd thoughts were there but I persisted.

    A week later I challenged myself and made the chicken soup for them once more and it was all a success too, despite ocd thoughts which are so exhausting.

    Yesterday I made chicken soup with all the ocd thoughts, sent son home with some, cleaned up, stacked dishwasher and put leftovers in fridge for husband.

    Some hours later, at quite a late hour, I went to unpack dishwasher but discovered the glass lid of crockpot had shattered into thousands of pieces. I started clean up, and while doing so I started to worry that maybe the lid had broken a little bit while in use, and I hadn’t noticed, and sent son home with soup full of shattered tempered glass. They would have eaten and gone to sleep, and I knew I shouldn’t ring them anyway as part of me knows that no, it did not happen, but other part of me was convinced they were going to die from my soup.

    I cleaned kitchen in places glass pieces could not have really gotten. Worrying/terrified all the time about son and grandson. it took me over 3 hours to clean it, do things repeatedly because I didn’t do it right the first time etc

    All last night I barely slept, had high anxiety, ended up with a dreadful migraine -I get them anyway but this one was very bad.

    I decided I’m done trying, won’t cook again. But, anything I do for others involves this fear of accidentally, carelessly causing them harm. I’m exhausted.

    thank you for reading

  2. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    5944 posts
    29 March 2021 in reply to Redleaf
    Hi Redleaf, 

    Thank you for joining us on the forums and for posting your experience here. It sounds like you hvae had a really difficult time with your cooking recently, we are so sorry to hear that. It sounds like you are doing a great job of supporting your family by cooking for them when you can. 

    It sounds like it might be usueful to chat to someone and there are a few options below that you can be really helpful. Taking the step to talk about how you are feeling on the forums is an amazing step, thank you for being so brave.

    BeyondBlue Phoneline
    1300 22 4636
    BeyondBlue Online chat
    https://online.beyondblue.org.au/Webmodules/chat/InitialInformation.aspx

    Kind regards, 
    Sophie M
     
  3. Redleaf
    Redleaf avatar
    2 posts
    30 March 2021 in reply to Sophie_M

    Thank you, Sophie

    I’m not sure that I want to chat on the phone with someone at this point. But I appreciate the suggestion and will keep it in mind.

    I’m not much of a support to my family anymore. But I used to be when my kids were growing up. I Looked after them, provided for them, loved them and showed it. But I was always fearful, and they experienced the negative of having an anxious parent. I was also supportive of my mother and sisters when they needed it. One sister, in particular, supported me right back. She was fantastic. But she’s struggling herself a bit now, so I try not to load her up with my problems.

    Anyway, thank you again for your response

    regards

    red

  4. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    1359 posts
    30 March 2021 in reply to Redleaf

    Hi Redleaf,

    I totally understand what you have written....... I too had very severe OCD.. I have now recovered from it....

    My recovery started from seeing my very caring gp we put together a mental health plan this gave me 10 free sessions with a phycologist this then led me to group therapy sessions with trainees at a university that specialised in OCD..... it was the best thing I ever did..... it gave me the tools I needed to master my OCD.....

    we were taught mindfulness, meditation, how to challenge our thoughts and how not to get caught up in our OCD cycle.....

    it took time and perseverance to learn the skills that I was taught but I have now perfected it.... and I’m free of my OCD..... you can be aswell.... if I can you can.....

    have you seeked professional help? They are remarkable people I don’t think I’d the person I am today without their help...

    help is out there for OCD........ you are not alone many people have this condition and I promise you there is light at the end of the tunnel with the correct help...

    im here if you want to chat 😊

  5. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15314 posts
    31 March 2021 in reply to Redleaf

    Hello Redleaf, can we offer you a warm welcome to the forums.

    I'm not qualified but have had OCD for a very long time and completely understand what you're saying, as does Petal, and what I've picked up from your comment is that people suffering from this illness can have 'intrusive thoughts' which are unwanted thoughts about something, in particular, copy and paste this in the search bar above at the top of the page or perhaps in your browser search bar.

    I just want to send this off to you before this topic can be discussed much further, but know what's it's doing to you.

    Please read a few comments and hope you can get back to us.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

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