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Topic: Relationship anxiety

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. emgrass
    emgrass avatar
    2 posts
    27 June 2020

    Hi there,

    I have severe depression, BPD and anxiety. I have been seeing a guy for a while now, and I have realised I have anxious attachment disorder, largely due to childhood trauma. Whenever he doesn't/hasn't messaged me for a day or more, I get severely triggered to the point I feel debilitated and all I can do is sleep. When he goes out with his friends, I'm constantly panicked/worried that he is going to find someone more attractive than me and that I'm going to lose him. I feel like I have prioritised him over everything in my life, even above my own needs.

    Does anyone have any advice? :(

  2. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    3433 posts
    27 June 2020 in reply to emgrass

    Hi emgrass,

    Wishing you a warm welcome to the forums. It takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest with your feelings, and we are so glad that you have reached out here tonight. We can hear how overwhelmed you're feeling by this, and we are really sorry to hear the effect it is having on your wellbeing. Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space and our community is here to support you through this difficult time.

    We understand that you've mentioned having severe depression, BPD and anxiety- can we ask if you are you currently receiving mental health support, or if you have you in the past? If not, we would encourage that you do seek professional support to help you work through these feelings that you're experiencing. We'd welcome you to get in touch with the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or reach out to us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

    You are not alone here, and we hope that you keep us updated on how you're going whenever you feel ready.

  3. emgrass
    emgrass avatar
    2 posts
    27 June 2020 in reply to Sophie_M

    Hi Sophie,

    Yes, I see psychiatrists and psychologists. I've been trying for two years to actively feel better, just feel really stuck at the moment. :(

  4. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    9106 posts
    28 June 2020 in reply to emgrass

    Dear Emgrass~

    I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here. I can understand your feelings. Once you are really attracted to someone it can take over you life. This is, from my point of view, a mixed blessing. Another person in an equal partnership with mutual support and cherishing yes, an unbalanced one where one is dependent on the other, but not the same level of attachment in return leads to heartache.

    Needing that constant reassurance may be due to a deeply held belief that one is not worthy. I am not a doctor, just someone who has different MH conditions, but found myself, at one stage to be in a similar situation, though it was suspicion and distrust due to PTSD, and that was from entirely different cause from yours.

    A hard situation to deal with. Even if you show the strongest self restraint and don't text or otherwise contact the person of your affections the anxiety builds up, and may come out when you do get together in anger or crying. I guess it depends.

    I've no magic fix, though I can point out you have been injured in your childhood and I suspect often this leads to not feeling a complete, strong and worthy person.

    I can make suggestions, though they may seem unrelated. If you can establish in your own life peple and/or matters of accomplished and enjoyment that are independent that may take your mind of his absences They may give you more to offer and at the same time have a thing you might do each day just for you to enjoy and look forward to.

    This last one has surprised me at over time regular self-reward had made me feel better about myself. I guess I get to feel I am entitled to be rewarded -dunno.

    I know you have medical support, which I found extremely necessary, but do you have persona support too? First does your guy understand and actively try to help? Secondly do you have anyone, family or friend perhaps, to talk with and know you will not be judged but just cared for?

    I hope to talk to you some more


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