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Topic: Restless anxiety and depression

9 posts, 0 answered
  1. Andy999
    Andy999 avatar
    0 posts
    8 January 2020

    Hey so I’ve been going through a bout of anxiety and some depression for the past few months, I am seeing a psychologist for it but Havnt been able to for a few weeks due to the holiday period.

    i get random outbursts of extreme restlessness, sometimes it feels like my mind won’t shut off and it feels like I’m about to lose control, the depression has now caused me to lose interest in so many things, it’s so hard for me to just be external and live life, I’m always thinking about my scenario.

    ive been doing meditation almost everyday and trying to keep busy socialising with friends and playing sport, anything to stop me thinking about my anxiety! To just get out of my head!

    ive tried this new activity where I accept these intrusive thoughts and moments of intense anxiety or random feelings of restlessness, sadness, Derealization rather than pushing them away, understanding why or even challenging them.

    it’s worked pretty well for me the past few days, they are still there but it’s a lot nicer when you don’t get so wound up in it all, i was having a pretty good day today kept busy, took some time to relax, I went down to the shop And as I was pulling in a sudden feeling of like a slight sadness and Like a detached feeling? Hard to describe but anyway nothing new, I rode this wave pretty good just told myself it’s okay to feel like this and kept on with my day, but when I got home the feeling stuck around and for some reason this time saying ‘it’s okay’ and accepting the feelings just wasn’t working it started to feel like I wasn’t in control anymore and I just became restless and sad and yeh I don’t even know how to describe it other then it didn’t feel like I was in control anymore, I tried to ground myself and do some meditation, the restlessness went away but I still didn’t feel right all night, I went to see some friends hoping I could snap out of it and feel some sense of calm but had no luck, when these things happen I get stuck obsessing trying to make sense of how I felt and why, it takes a hold of me and sends me a few steps backwards.

    Does anyone else here ever feel anything similar? Is that anxiety or something else?

    alot of the time I don’t think myself into these situations I just get thrown into them or these intrusive thoughts get thrown at me it’s like my sub conscious is the one that’s freaking out

  2. romantic_thi3f
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    romantic_thi3f avatar
    382 posts
    8 January 2020 in reply to Andy999

    Hi Andy999,

    Thank you for your post and for sharing what's been happening with you. It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot lately and trying lots of different techniques to manage it.

    To answer your questions though, anxiety and depression often bind together - they are often known in the field as cousins because so many people experience both. The things that you've described though - feeling detached and not being in control - sounds a lot to me like dissociation. This can happen when feelings get 'too much' so it's almost like we take a step back. Does the idea that this is dissociation resonate with you at all?

    The technique you've been using of trying to accept your feelings and thoughts is a great one, and I'm glad that it's been working a little bit for you. Unfortunately though it does take practice, and it's very easy to get hooked into things again.

    I hope that by sharing this it can make a little bit more sense to you, and by making sense of how you felt you can keep on going with your techniques.

    When do you see the psychologist next? Hopefully it's not too far away.

    rt

  3. Andy999
    Andy999 avatar
    0 posts
    8 January 2020 in reply to romantic_thi3f

    Hey thanks a lot for the reply!

    yeh you’re right the depression and anxiety usually work side by side, with this I find it hard to understand what I’m feeling a lot of the time!

    it may be be dissociation I’m not quite to sure, These feelings do generally kind of come from no where, I just suddenly start to feel like the things around me just don’t feel right and look different in a sense, I start to lose my calm and become really uneasy, this then causes me to think really anxious and I can’t shake it off.

    these feelings can feel so un natural, I don’t understand them and why they are happening, and I just start Obsessing, replaying the situation over and over in my head. I understand these things aren’t fixed over night but I’m trying to do the right things but can’t get out of this loop.

    I know a lot of people will debate the whole ‘chemical imbalance’ thing but i don’t know what else it could be, I’m not naturally an excessive worrier or a negative person.

    there is just so many triggers for me at the moment, it’s so hard to put a label on what Is happening. It’s all so overpowering.

    I am seeing my psych tomorrow so hopefully that will help a bit.

  4. Gadzooks
    Gadzooks avatar
    0 posts
    8 January 2020 in reply to Andy999

    Hi Andy999,

    It sounds like you are doing a great job of dealing with a difficult situation! I completely understand feeling restless, obsessing and getting overwhelmed. It is amazing that you're able to accept the feelings at least some of the time. I also have the 'cousins' depression and anxiety and have had times where it is just too much. The way you describe your situation is very similar to what I have experienced at times and I understand the loop seems to just keep going, which is why I wanted to share a little and encourage you to keep it up as all these things can help.

    I have two random grounding techniques which may/may not be helpful which I liked out of those my psych gave me. One is either sticking you arm in the freezer for 30 seconds or juggling an ice block for a bit. It sounds super strange, but the major change in state can help your body to reset a bit. I always feel super strange, but pretty sure the humour of the action helps a bit too. The other one I have begun to like is 'timing the feeling'. It goes well with the acceptance. So I put on a timer for the length of the feeling/apathy. Then next time it happens there is this awareness that it is finite, that it will end. I'm not sure if either of these with help, but I hope things improve regardless. Hope the psych session is productive.

    G

  5. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
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    romantic_thi3f avatar
    382 posts
    9 January 2020 in reply to Andy999
    Hi Andy999,
    You're very welcome. I was thinking while reading your post - what would happen if you were to try and accept these feelings and sensations in the same way that you're working to accept these thoughts?
    As an example, in one situation when these feelings arise you could say things like 'where is this coming from? why now? what's happening?'
    But then in the other situation with acceptance, you could try saying to yourself 'here is that feeling again. it's uncomfortable and I don't like it. I don't know why it's here, but that's okay. I know that it will pass'. Hopefully changing some of that self-talk will help to stop that loop.
    All the best with your psychologist today. I hope that they're helpful and can provide some more insight!
    rt
  6. Andy999
    Andy999 avatar
    0 posts
    11 January 2020 in reply to Gadzooks

    Hey thanks for the reply!

    yeh it’s a real pain in the ass going through the 2 of them, it can be really confusing trying to understand how you feel sometimes.

    thanks for those ideas! I’ll be sure to try them out.

    i did go and see my psych yesterday, we had a good chat and both kind of agreed my biggest problem is my obsessing with my anxiety and constantly thinking about it. A lot of other people’s anxieties tend to be directed on external things where as mines internal, I’m kind of always just obsessing with how I’m feeling mentally and emotionally. So over yesterday and today I kind of just did what I could to think about anything other then my anxiety and analyse how I’m feeling and all that, I’ve been trying to keep busy and redirect my attention and not latch on to the intrusive thoughts and feelings. Without realising I’m always falling back into this trap, i try to challenge or make sense of these thoughts but I don’t ever win and get caught deeper in. So this can be challenging though especially when these thoughts are so directed at who I am and everything I do.

    I was doing pretty good today, no doubt super challenging but I was confident. I decided to go to a friends to keep busy and as I was on the way there I could feel this anxiety building up I was becoming really restless and constant intrusive thoughts. It became very over powering like it just wanted to suck my attention in (this is usually when I’d stop and just sit with these thoughts and try to challenge and make sense of them) I kept on with my day and went to see my mates and tried to distract myself but it’s so powerful, I couldn’t immerse myself into the conversation or what they were watching on TV, I didn’t run away from it and get home, I stuck around tried to ride the wave and stay with my mates, but yeh it sucks, you feel so powerless, I don’t do this to myself and I don’t know how to control it. It’s impossible to just ignore and keep on with what I’m doing.

    anyway yeh that’s my story, I’m staying positive but I wish their was a way to make these things a little easier.

  7. Andy999
    Andy999 avatar
    0 posts
    11 January 2020 in reply to romantic_thi3f

    Hey thanks again for replying.

    well that what I’m trying to do aswell! Sometimes it works pretty well for both thoughts and feelings and some days not so much, I guess it can kind of depend where I am and how Intense the feelings are, if The feelings aren’t overly powerful I can accept them and just keep on with my day but other times they can be so overwhelming, especially if I have plans or I’m out and about.

    you do make a very good point and it’s something I’ll keep working on. But yeh it can be very hard at times. they can be so powerful.

  8. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    romantic_thi3f avatar
    382 posts
    16 January 2020 in reply to Andy999

    Hi Andy999,

    Thanks for your post and sorry about the late reply!

    It sounds like you are making great progress with your psychologist, even if it is really hard at the moment. While it may not always feel successful, it does take a lot of practice!

    I was thinking about how you said in your post: stop and just sit with these thoughts and try to challenge and make sense of them - I'm not sure if you're aware but there's a kind of irony in that. If we are stopping and just sitting with our thoughts, there's no need (or intention) to make sense of them.

    It also sounds like it's kind of an all or nothing - either you're doing well and distracting yourself and not analysing them, or you are caught by them and sucked into it. Does that sound about right? I think it's important to remember that it's not an all or nothing kind of deal. Sometimes we can be doing really well, where as other times it takes a little bit of a push. It's still possible to find your way out without being sucked through.

    I hope this helps a little. It would be good to hear how you've been going since.

    rt

  9. Annas1
    Annas1 avatar
    0 posts
    21 January 2020 in reply to Andy999

    Hi Andy999,

    I've been reading your correspondence with some wise minds and been struck by the similarities between our experiences. My major challenge is anxiety, which can lead to depression too. I think knowing the link between the two experiences - anxiety and depression - has made me super-sensitive to symptoms of anxiety. While anxiety can be tiring, delibilitating and isolating, depression is worse somehow for me.

    So, yes, I too struggle with being anxious about my feelings of anxiety. How I think about myself is also tied up in the experience, and generally my sub-conscious belief is that I'll only be 'ok', 'normal', 'valuable' once I'm anxiety free. I think I know now that this is just not how it works - and not true! When I feel terrible, frightened, strung-out, a failure - I'm still essentially a valuable, unique and lovable person. The difference is I'm just suffering in that moment. It is very hard for me to remember this when the going gets tough, and I want to do better at putting in place 'reminders' for those tough times when my thinking doesn't automatically go in the right direction.

    For me, being open and honest with close family and friends has been essential, and does help establish expectations and reduce my sense of internalised pressure to be 'normal'. But it's something I have to keep working at. And it really is work. Sometimes you just don't feel like doing the things that will help you most.

    A last thought, you mention that you sometimes feel a deep sadness as well as anxiety. I have thought and read about this a lot. I think my inhibited feelings (sadness particularly) often underlie my anxiety symptoms. In fact, I'm pretty sure this is the case. For a long time now I have sought out emotional movies to release sad feelings, and I generally feel much calmer and centred afterwards. I think I have a well of sadness (collected over a long time) that is needing expression. I think of it as the roiling sea inside. In fact, I'm off to the movies today as I recognise a good cry would be very helpful for me today. If only I were a latin-type and could express myself freely in the moment.

    Sending you my best wishes Andy999

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