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Topic: Ruminating and obsessing about a mistake I just made.

16 posts, 0 answered
  1. Metal kitty
    Metal kitty avatar
    13 posts
    7 September 2021
    Hi everyone

    I'm new.

    I'm extremely tenses right now. I know my jaw is locked and my shoulders and neck as well. My mind is going a million miles and hour. I cannot distract myself from analysing a mistake I've just made with my new job.

    MY client has emailed and ask questions which has lead me to recognise my mistake. I've tried to research to figure out the correct answers but am still at a loss. So I forwarded the email on to my boss and told him everything.

    His replied by saying he would pen me a response in the morning.

    I cannot figure out if he is annoyed at me or not. I've been with them a month now. Part time.

    I'm juggling 3 jobs as I've recently separated from my husband and had to move out of the house and now renting. I also quit my major career just before we broke up.

    I know I can do better then this. I just need to focus and have time to learn all the systems and processes.

    I want to quit 1 of my jobs but a worried about money and these trying times of covid and lockdowns. Plus I need the references for me to build a house.

    I'm so annoyed at myself for making this mistake.

    I've tried the deep breathing and sleep meditation app. I just can't let it go.

    I need this job. I really like this job. But I don't know what my boss is thinking. Will he fire me? Why didn't I remember that this job was different and had to look at different equipment?

    There are too many "why's" rattling in my head. I'm so tense. Why am I so stupid???? I really need to do better.

  2. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    1365 posts
    8 September 2021 in reply to Metal kitty

    Hi Metal Kitty,

    Wellcome to our forums!

    So sorry you are feeling this way.

    I understand what you are going through, I also used to analyse a lot I had severe anxiety OCD…… I’ve now recovered thanks to the help of professionals……

    Ok, when you recognise that you are analysing you need to take your attention off what is going on inside your head and focus on something in the present moment…. If you are laying in bed how do the covers feel? What can you taste? What can you smell?

    Practice slowing down your breathing….

    Put your attention on your breath when your mind wonders put it back on your breath…

    If the thoughts keep going inside your mind just treat them like a song that’s stuck in your head…… eventually it will not bother you anymore because you just let it be there…..

    Everything will be ok, I’m sure your boss will be ok.

    Try not to be so hard on your self, mistakes happen that’s how we grow from learning from them…

    here to chat

    1 person found this helpful
  3. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    15319 posts
    8 September 2021 in reply to Metal kitty

    Hello Metal Kitty, I'm sorry for what you are experiencing, however, when somebody makes a supposed mistake, they aren't told to go, not everybody is perfect and it's virtually impossible, and as Petal has said 'mistakes happen that’s how we grow', and this will happen to you, so please don't think the worst will happen, if this was the situation, then the company would have no one.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

    3 people found this helpful
  4. Pumpkinella
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    Pumpkinella avatar
    98 posts
    9 September 2021 in reply to Metal kitty

    Hi Metal Kitty,

    You are being terribly hard on yourself :(

    Remember it is not whether we make mistakes (because we do of course) it is how we respond to our mistakes. This is what makes us a good or not so good :). So if you change your expectations from

    "I am not allowed to make a mistake" - which is a perfectionist mindset that denies your humanity

    to

    "When I make a mistake I will be accountable and learn from it"

    You will hopefully have a more realistic expectation of your performance and grow really well. You will actually perform better than if you flog yourself senseless for every error you make.

    If your employer does not allow for mistakes he is the one with the problem - and is ironically making the biggest mistake a manager can! - not allowing for error in an organisation. If you don't allow for error you don't live in the real world.

    I know that it can be difficult to shift this mindset because we have been conditioned to feel really bad if we error, but perhaps remembering that the boss you are talking to has made mistakes as well, he too has had that horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach about it. They are human just like you.

    Be good to yourself, you care so much about your job - this is the best quality your boss could ask for.

    Love

    Pumps

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Metal kitty
    Metal kitty avatar
    13 posts
    10 September 2021 in reply to Petal22
    Hi Petal22

    Thank you. You are right. Slow down. Breathe. Everything will be ok

    My crazy rant and over analysing was a complete over reaction and unnecessary. My boss barely recognised it.

    I'm not sure how I get myself I to these situations where I completely panic of things and then they turn out to be nothing. Why do I work myself up into such a state?

    I know I definitely need help. I have seen many types of professionals. Just haven't found the right one I guess.

  6. Metal kitty
    Metal kitty avatar
    13 posts
    10 September 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff.

    I Have to say, tigers are my favourite animal.

    The rational and logic part of me understands this completely. When I was a manager of nearly 30 staff in 3 departments at the star of the year, well I could see this and help all my staff to be the best they could be.

    But turn the tables and I cannot put that logic and reasoning in place. My brain circles this mistake, the irrational logic and plays on it. Feeds it. Let's it run wild. What's left is a madness that is consuming and illogical.

    I know I need help.

    Find the right help just seems so unattainable.

    Thanks so much for replying

    1 person found this helpful
  7. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    15319 posts
    10 September 2021 in reply to Metal kitty

    Hello Metal Kitty, you have just nailed it because when you had 30 staff to look after and manage and I'm positive you did a fantastic job, but as soon as this situation turns around, you expect that you should know all the answers just as you have done assisting these 30 workers, but this may not be possible, simply because other unexpected problems arise.

    Look at all the world leaders, there are going to be problems they are stumped on, and when they do make a decision, half of the people are going to disagree with them, no one can be perfect, but you are entitled to make a decision based on how you think.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  8. Metal kitty
    Metal kitty avatar
    13 posts
    10 September 2021 in reply to Pumpkinella
    Hi Pumps
    I am extremely hard on myself. No idea why..I know I have achieved so much because of this. But I've also suffered greatly. Stress, anxiety, tension and depression.

    I've been trying to work on changing my mental patters. It just isn't easy.

  9. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    1365 posts
    10 September 2021 in reply to Metal kitty

    Hi Metal kitty,

    Im so glad everything has settled down for you.. that’s great 😊

    I also use to do the same thing you did……. I’d over analyse a situation a lot… I’d have a lot of remuneration and anxiety…I’d worry about my bosses reaction…. Ect … but my boss didn’t see it as anything really so I got myself in such a tizz for nothing really……

    The above would also happen with my health the worrying I’d even get the all clear from the doctor but I’d still worry and obsess about it… with questions what if they missed something……

    I had a real pattern of how I thought about things looking back…., there came a point in my life were my worrying and obsessing became severe! Some days I couldn’t function properly my anxiety was through the roof!

    I went to my gp and explained my symptoms my gp told me I had anxiety, my gp put me on a antidepressant to help me to manage my anxiety…. We did a mental health plan together this enabled me to see a clinical psychologist I also saw a psychiatrist…. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with severe anxiety Obsessive Compulsive Disorder….. it’s a anxiety disorder…. This then led me to a clinic that specialised in OCD…….. I did an 8 week group therapy this is we’re I learned to master my OCD……. I did metacognitive therapy this therapy changed my life it helped me to become aware of my thinking patterns and learned to disengage from the unhelpful ones…….
    OCD is a vicious cycle…… once I became aware I was getting caught up in the cycle I was able to disengage from it….

    Im not saying you have OCD but I think it would be a great idea for you to do a mental health plan with your gp so you can see a psychologist who will be able to help you with your thoughts in a Positive way………. Learning this is a skill you need to practice…. but you really can learn to change your thinking patterns… once you do life will become more flowing….

    When you do a mental health plan ask your gp to refer you to a clinical phycologist…… a clinical psychologist can diagnose a normal psychologist can’t…maybe mention metacognitive therapy…. See if it’s a fit for you…

    Keep trying with the professionals you will eventually see the correct one and be given the correct treatment……..

    Ive now recovered from OCD 4 years going strong…….. it feels great to be on the other side of it..

    Ive written two threads if your interested in reading…..

    From someone who had OCD and recovered

    and

    Effective treatment for OCD Metacognitive Therapy

    Im here to chat

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Metal kitty
    Metal kitty avatar
    13 posts
    10 September 2021 in reply to Petal22

    Petal, I cannot thank you and be totally intrigued and have a million questions for you.

    I think all of the above would be an understatement!

    My entire life I can manufactured coping mechanisms.

    My mother has always said she wished she had "made" me with a stop button, a volume button and a damn window in me!

    I have never been officially diagnosed with anything.

    As an x gen, I understood I was different and had to adapt to every situation. This meant I would change my voice, rein myself in, hide my true thoughts and feelings, be what people wanted, wear a mask, play the joker, act the part, and be everything and anything that I was not.

    I have had mental plans in place for about a decade.

    I am on anti anxiety/depression drugs for the last 4 years.

    I guess for me, I don't know how to relax. I've also played the part of what everyone has needed of me, I just don't know how to find me. If that makes sense.

    I need help. I just need to find someone who can see through every aspect of me.

    Thank you for your guidance. You have no idea how much it helps.

    Thanks.

  11. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    1365 posts
    10 September 2021 in reply to Metal kitty

    Hi Metal kitty,

    Please ask me any thing I’m happy to help you with any questions you may have.

    I understand when you talk about coping mechanisms…..

    I remember as a child every time I would cross a railway line in the car if I didn’t lift my legs up I would have the intrusive thoughts that something bad would happen to someone in my family…. I actually used to do this a lot Or I’d feel I’d have to repeat things over and over again in my mind so nothing bad happened to anyone in my family……

    When I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder my anxiety was at extreme severe levels..my clinical psychologist and psychiatrist worked at the same practice so I was actually really lucky that I was diagnosed and had the correct treatment so I could recover…….

    I am still on my antidepressant I feel if you have anxiety or depression it needs to be treated like anything else in the body… the real thing that helped me to recover was the metacognitive therapy I did it really enabled me to see from the outside what my mind was doing and I could then break free of the cycle I was in…. It took a lot of perseverance and practice to learn the skills I was taught but once I learned them I began to fly…… I had all the keys I needed to break free ………. My whole life has changed I learned to challenge my thoughts and beliefs, I look at things with a new different perspective, I choose understanding and compassion. I thought about the person I wanted to become and I went out each day with intent and became that person…… I feel I’m now living my purpose and I am my true self…

    Relaxing for me I found through meditation it really taught me alot… it’s very calming and at any time I can now tap into my calm place…

    I used to hold alot of negativity in me….. i chose to let go of negativity and embrace LOVE, positivity and compassion…..

    I understand “ trying to find the real me” you CAN just think about who you really want to be as a person and go out and be that person…. Every day with intent…… let go of people pleasing and think about you….

    1 person found this helpful
  12. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    1365 posts
    10 September 2021 in reply to Metal kitty

    I also found in myself I was always feeling like there was more, I was always in search of something but I didn’t know what that was….. I began really searching for my life purpose…… ( after recovery of OCD)..

    When I went through my OCD it was a real journey…… when I was in the grips of it … it bought me to my knees ….. through all of the help I received from health professionals and doing my therapy and challenging my thoughts and beliefs I came out the other side of my mental health journey as a new stronger version of me…….. I obtained so much growth and wisdom through this journey… I don’t regret going through OCD because without it I wouldn’t be the person I am today……..

    Im now living my life purpose by helping others who are going through mental health conditions and giving them hope that they too can recover………..

    Its amazing really to take a step back and see your path…..

    If you feel your wanting to find the real you……. Just seek it….. all the layers to us can be stripped back to reveal us…… I believe as youngsters we are conditioned with our thoughts and beliefs but you can learn to challenge these and change them to your own……. you can really be anything you want to be as long as you believe it’s possible……..

    You have to believe in yourself. You have to believe in your ability to do good and wonderful things. You need to believe there is no mountain too high that you cannot climb, and you need to please believe there is no storm you cannot weather.. always, always believe in yourself.

    Im here to chat 😊 ❤️

    1 person found this helpful
  13. Metal kitty
    Metal kitty avatar
    13 posts
    15 September 2021 in reply to Petal22

    Dear Petal.

    I've been in a dark hole again.

    I actually have 4 jobs. I've been stressing about resigning from one. Not the solar job I was referring to on my original post on this thread. But my pizza job. I managed to resign tonight. But I just kept apologising and asking if my boss was ok and asking if it was ok to resign.

    I am a mess today. My ex husband was messaging me all morning asking questions in regards to our lawyers. Then in the same breath, saying he loves me and misses me and needs me and asking if I feel the same so we can be happy together for the rest of our lives.

    I am a mess.

    I have turned to alcohol yet again.

    I love my doctor. She has helped me with my serious reproduction problems which no other doctor could solve. And I have a mental plan. Well I did. And I was seeing a psychologist. But I never clicked with her.

    I was seeing a family councillor, and see was amazing.

    I hold so much in. I put in the face for the public.

    I need help. I just have never asked, or found the right way to get it.

    I wish beyond blue was a messenger app. I struggle to keep up and I'm desperate for contact, for understanding, to be able to talk freely, and to accept myself.

    How do I do this?

    How do I let the walls down and get the help I truly need??

  14. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    1365 posts
    16 September 2021 in reply to Metal kitty

    Hi Metal Kitty,

    Sorry you are in a dark hole…

    4 jobs is a lot to juggle I can understand why you resigned from one…….. when you resigned did you feel the need to seek reassurance? I think I can see this in the way you kept asking your boss if it was ok……… I seeked reassurance a lot when I was stuck in my OCD cycle……. I seeked reassurance to get certainty but I learned during my therapy that nothing is 100 percent certain in life…….. so this is one of the things that I learned to stop doing…….. I no longer seek reassurance because I know it’s part of my cycle so I disengage before I get to it…… yes you would still have the anxiety but I’d just focus on something in the present moment until it faded away and it does……..

    How do you feel about your ex husband? Do you see yourself being able to mend things with him?

    Getting the right help……. I understand you saw a psychologist and didn’t click with her and that’s ok…….. it sometimes takes a little while to find the correct psychologist for you……… if you still have appointments left on your mental health plan please try a new health professional I’d recommend a clinical psychologist instead of a normal psychologist…….. clinical can diagnose normal can’t….

    Check with your gp to see if your mental health plan is still valid if it isn’t do a new one with your gp…….

    During my self growth I found myself questioning myself on things I looked at things in the past that seemed to hold me back and feel negativity….. some situations I could see that I could have reacted differently in situations so I chose to forgive myself and to move forward…. I grew from that and now in situations I’m a different person….. I can use mental expansion and choose how to react…. It takes practice…

    You will learn to speak freely I found this happened for me when I chose not to worry about what people think…. It’s really liberating once you can be this way….

    Accepting your self comes to YOU LOVING YOU…… I always tell myself I love myself and the person I am and becoming…..I talk positively to myself and back myself 100 percent….. I’m always sending kindness and positivity out into the universe and and it definitely comes back….. such a joyous way of living…

    Bit by bit you will learn to bring your walls down and you will begin to get a better understanding of your self…. Learn to challenge your thoughts and beliefs and know you always have the choice to see different perceptions of things……..

    Im here to chat 😊

    1 person found this helpful
  15. Metal kitty
    Metal kitty avatar
    13 posts
    17 September 2021 in reply to Petal22

    Dear Petal,

    You are amazing!!!!!

    Thank you for your words, your time, and for caring and sharing.

    I cannot go backwards. I will never be able to trust my ex husband again. I was a shadow of myself at the end of our relationship. I invest every living breath to him and his kids and my old career.

    I cannot do anything by halves. I'm either 150% in or out. I jump in and think later.

    If someone needs or wants help, I will give them every I possibly can. I drop everything to help anyone that crosses my path.

    My amazing Mum has always said, "I wish I had made a stop button, a volume button and a damn window in you when I made you!"

    My true name means "hope". Mum has always said "there is hope for you yet (my name)".

    THear things are so true. I will do anything for every soul that crosses my path. I wish to lift people, encourage, help, support, everyone to be the best version of themselves possible.

    I have trust issues because I want to believe everyone tells the truth. I trust what people say to me. I get very burnt because of this. I invest in people. I believe in people.

    I need to talk. To find someone who understands.

    My generation, I have grown up without technology. So I have been taught how to mind my manners, respect my elders and sit around the dinner table and have respectable conversation. That was the done thing and it taught me a lot. I know how to talk to adults and not give away every piece of myself. I'm not sure if I make sense. I have drunk too much because I wanted to feel numb.

    I'm sorry. I really don't know if I make sense. I have so many questions. Do I have ADHD, OCD, or a form of autism???

  16. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    1365 posts
    17 September 2021 in reply to Metal kitty

    Hi Metal kitty,

    Thats ok 😊

    You sound like a very caring person……

    That’s nice that your name means hope……😊

    Sorry I can’t say what you have……. I really don’t know….. only a doctor could diagnose…….. (a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist)…. are you able to see your gp again to see if your mental health plan is still valid?

    here to chat

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