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Topic: seeking too much reassurance??

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. poppy:)
    poppy:) avatar
    1 posts
    12 July 2020

    I have this friend who has really helped me throughout my anxiety, he came into my life a couple of months ago when it started to get really bad. And even tho he has helped me with it, I was always scared of becoming reliant on telling him all my worries etc. Well I told him this after A LOT of overthinking and we had a really good open chat like we always do. Came to the conclusion that I'm constantly seeking reassurance from him, and needing him to validate my feelings. And he said to me that maybe we should talk a bit less about this sort of stuff which I 100% agree cause I don't want him to feel like my therapist, but we agreed that we shouldn't talk about it as much but he's still going to 100% support me and will listen to me if I ever need it.

    And I've had a really good couple of last few days, and I've told him they've been good cause we talk pretty much everyday and he always asks how my day has been. But today had a not so good day and was crying and just sad etc, and I made myself anxious over if I reach out to him because thats what he said to but I don't want to seek reassurance from him because I haven't for a couple of days and I'm proud of me being able to validate myself, and if I talk to him about it I don't want to spiral back into feeling like I'm dependant on him for that.

    He's a really great friend and the last thing I want to do is stop talking to him or scare him off or make him hate me. And even if I come to him about this I'll be seeking reassurance and thats too much to ask of him.

    Feeling confused and anxious :///

  2. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    4306 posts
    12 July 2020 in reply to poppy:)

    hi and welcome to beyond blue

    first of all it is good you have someone you can talk you about how you feeling and give you the support you need.

    keep in mind that I am in a better place to where I was a year ago ... at that time, there was a person I would catch up with another person for coffee each week and talk. The relationship is such that I can also listen to his issues as well. So it can it can be a 2 way street. It can be tricky though when you feel as though you are letting out all your problems on someone else.

    My parents also support me. However there are things they don't want to hear either. So I obviously do not tell them and probably honestly these are things left best to my psychologist. So maybe part of it is finding boundaries where you can talk about thing without getting too detailed?

    As for your thoughts... one thing you could try is writing down your thoughts on paper - it is something I found helpful. I also used to use a worry time app on my phone. I could put something in there and worry about it at some predefined time in the day. Even when writing things down, it can be hard to the put those thoughts on hold.

    Lastly, you could look at the K10 test on the beyond blue web site ...

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety-and-depression-checklist-k10

    It is not very long and if your thoughts are more than venting to your friend, you will get some good advice on what to do next.

    Listening to you,

    Tim

    1 person found this helpful

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