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Topic: Self-destructive emotional pain (First/past relationship)

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Yvaine
    Yvaine avatar
    15 posts
    8 July 2020

    Hi fam,

    So my first relationship ended about 5 years ago when I was 19. Ever since then I've been getting "triggered" by anything that reminds me of my ex. Anything from a car the same colour, the same place we've been to together, any memory (physical or mental) causes pain in my chest and twists my stomach.

    I haven't seen him since we broke up five years ago, haven't had any communication at all. I just keep replaying everything in my head and living in the past.

    Only ever been in one other relationship since and that has also ended (amicably too), but I'm feeling so stressed about feeling worthy for a life partner.

    Does anyone else have experience with this kind of obsessive, self-destructive thought pattern? How do you try to surrender the same thing (s) ever day? I always feel like I've moved on and then I'll get triggered again..

    Thinking out loud..might not make sense

  2. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    4287 posts
    8 July 2020 in reply to Yvaine

    It sort of makes sense :)

    I obviously would not know anything about the relationship you are speaking and perhaps you might like to write a little about the relationship before I put my foot into it...

    while you broke up (as you said), so something happened the end for you to go your separate ways ...

    1. what was the rest of the relationship like? good? bad?
    2. do you miss your ex?
    3. or does it bring back bad memories?

    What makes you think you are not worthy of life partner?

    Sorry about all the questions... like I said at the start... dont want to put my foot into it. One thing I can say however that is you are worthy of love and a life partner - just have to the remind yourself of your strengths and talents. It may take a while and people here will walk the journey with you.

    Tim

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Yvaine
    Yvaine avatar
    15 posts
    9 July 2020 in reply to smallwolf

    Hiya Tim!

    Sorry just realized I probably put this in the wrong section, but the anxiety is definitely a thing!

    1. It was challenging as we both have different faiths and he was constantly trying to push boundaries which made me second guess a lot. He was nice but ultimately we broke up because I was feeling neglected and not being heard about my concerns (kinda vague I know)

    2. I think I miss the idea of him and who I thought he was (I keep replaying the good parts and feel guilty for having lost it?)

    3. Brings back bad memories in terms of being reminded of what I don't have anymore (my person to do life with and share things with) and fear I won't ever feel or have again.

    Aw thank you so much! :) Really appreciate it

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