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Topic: So Scared to Have a 3rd Baby

14 posts, 0 answered
  1. Pink01
    Pink01 avatar
    7 posts
    19 July 2020

    Hi,

    I am having so much anxiety around having a 3rd baby. This has gone on for years but previously I have been able to tell myself we’ll just leave it for a bit and look at it again in say 6 months or so. Now it has really come to the point where I feel its now or never. By the end of this year my children will be 7 and 5. I am so worried about the age gap being too big now.
    The thought of being pregnant again and the whole life change makes me feel so sick and scared.

    The anxiety is at its worst at the time of the month when my period arrives as I know I have to make a decision. The other time of the month I feel good and think yes I can have another baby it will be great, I will love it. Then when it comes down to crunch time I cannot commit. I completely freak out. I fall asleep then wake up an hour or so later in a panic. I wake up in the morning and feel this instant dread.
    This has been going on for so long now and I don’t want to keep feeling this way.

    I feel I do want another baby, i’m just so scared of going through it all again. I’m scared how it will change our lives and how my children will take it all.
    I feel I would love to experience another baby again, I just don’t know if i’m past thag stage. I honestly feel its impossible and it all just makes me so sad and I am sick of feeling this way. A big part of it is not having any support, besides my Husband.

  2. Pink01
    Pink01 avatar
    7 posts
    19 July 2020 in reply to Pink01

    Also, I am just so exhausted (maybe not the right word) with all that entails with having children. I do like to have a bit of quiet time to myself. So I question wouldn't I be crazy to have another baby. But then at the same time I absolutely love being a Mum. I loved the very first time I got to meet my baby.

    I'm just so sick of walking around all day with this nervousness in my tummy. I'm so unsure what to do.

  3. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    Ggrand avatar
    7185 posts
    19 July 2020 in reply to Pink01

    Hello Pink01,

    I would like to kindly welcome you to the forums..

    Im sorry your struggling with being scared to have another baby...

    It sounds like an overwhelming decision for you right now..Just wondering if you and your husband have sat down and talked about your fears and how things will change if you bring another baby into your lives...and the help and support that your husband will give you if you both decide to have another baby...

    Its something that only you and your husband can decide together...Maybe make an honest pro/con list about having your third child and what this will mean for your family..and talk each one over together...

    Its a hard decision as so many things has to be taken into consideration...I don’t feel the age gap is to a gap..My friend had a gap of 8 years between first and second child and they get on really well....

    I think sweetheart that the best thing to do is to go with your heart...

    Please keep talking here if you feel up to it..Other will call in and offer their thoughts and suggestions.....

    Kind thoughts and warm hugs dear Pink..

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Pink01
    Pink01 avatar
    7 posts
    19 July 2020 in reply to Ggrand

    Thank you so much for your reply. I appreciate it so much.

    If I went with my heart I would definately go ahead. I just cant get rid of these nerves and worry I will feel like this for 9 months and maybe then some?

    I also think ridiculous things like what if I don't love this baby like I love my two now. What if I wish I never had that baby? What if it ruins our lives? Horrible thoughts.

  5. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    7185 posts
    19 July 2020 in reply to Pink01

    Hello Pink...

    You sounds like a wonderful and loving mum...

    We love our babies once we know we are pregnant and that grows as our baby grows within us..As you know once they are born that love we have for him/her just explodes into a love that is just so amazing....

    Your hearts wants a baby...I’m sure your love for a new baby will be just as strong as the love you have for your other two beautiful children...

    Maybe write your concerns down..ie..What if he/she ruins your lives...then write your thoughts down for that question..next to it maybe write What will this new baby bring to our lives...then answer that..maybe do together with your husband and include your other 2 children as well...They are young yet old enough to understand about another sibling...I think..

    Thinking the way you are I think is normal because we all want the very best for our children and family, as we sometimes can worry about not making the right decision for our family...

    Does you husband also want a third child?..no need to answer that question sweetheart..only if you want to share..

    I hope I’m helping in some small way..I’m here for you Pink, whenever you want to chat..

    Grandy

    1 person found this helpful
  6. quirkywords
    Community Champion
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    quirkywords avatar
    7955 posts
    19 July 2020 in reply to Pink01

    Hello Pink,

    I can tell by your writing you are a very caring mum and also some who thinks things through.

    Grandy has written a very helpful post so I wont repeat.

    It is a decision for you and your husband to discuss.

    I am wondering how long you been anxious about having another baby.

    You mentioned some of the things that you worry about maybe you can think more about the things that bring you joy thinking about another baby.

    Some people reading your post will be able to relate to you and your honesty.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Pink01
    Pink01 avatar
    7 posts
    19 July 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    Thank you Grandy and quirkywords.

    My husband is very supportive and would have a heap more children but he has said he just wants me to be okay firstly and is very happy with the two we have.

    I have been anxious like this for almost 3 years now unfortunately and it pains me to admit that. Although their have been times where I have just put the idea on the backburner and carried on with life without ruling the idea out altogether. So I wouldn't say it was constant for 3 years. I am well and truly tired of it though. I just want to move past this stage in my life and just enjoy my children.

    One other thing and I do hate to admit it as ultimately all I would hope for is a healthy child. I have two girls and I am actually quite scared of what if I have a boy. Would I still feel the same connection with a boy. Would I still have the same bond with a boy as I do with my girls?

    I am going to write a list of the things that bring me joy when thinking of a new baby. I do think of in say four years from now and imagining my family with a new member in it and that makes me happy. It's just the time in between... being pregnant and those early newborn days and the hormones!! I want to be able to still be there for my two children and I don't want to miss out on anything with them or them to feel left out.

    1 person found this helpful
  8. monkey_magic
    monkey_magic avatar
    3417 posts
    19 July 2020 in reply to Pink01
    Hi Pink01,

    You are really thinking things through aren't you, which is excellent.

    So I suppose heart needs to catch up with head and the decision will be made.

    Through reading it sounds like your leaning more towards having the baby.

    I'm 9 years older than my brother and get on better with him than I do my other brother who is 2 years younger so age shouldn't be a factor. I'm nearly 38 and female btw.

    I've thought a lot about baby's and I feel nervous and anxious as well. I don't think they will be in my future though for certain reasons.

    I like the idea of writing a pros/ cons list of having another baby as Grandy suggested.

    I'm sure you will love your baby if it's a boy. My friend has three boys and loves them to bits, unless U get post- natal but that's a whole other problem.

    I wish U luck in deciding.

    💙♥️

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Pink01
    Pink01 avatar
    7 posts
    19 July 2020 in reply to monkey_magic

    Thank you monkey_magic for your kind words. It's really good to know that you are close to your brother with a 9 year age gap.

    Yes post natal depression is quite a scary thought and with me feeling the way I feel now I am worried I would be high risk for that.

    It honestly feels like I would be starting again. My two now are alyways playing together. I don't want it to feel like I have theres my older two and than the baby, like living two seperate lives if that makes sense. I want them to all feel as one group.

    I am overthinking a lot of this. I do question if I should just jump in and do it though when I get this sickening feeling in my stomach at the thought of it :(

    1 person found this helpful
  10. monkey_magic
    monkey_magic avatar
    3417 posts
    19 July 2020 in reply to Pink01
    Hi again Pink01,

    That's so good that your children are playing together . I'm sure another baby would be a welcomed additional to the family unit. It's such a precious time and they can start a bond with the baby while you're pregnant.

    I would think most children would accept a new baby brother or sister.

    Do you know why you get this sickening feeling in your stomach? It could just be nerves? Or is it something deeper perhaps?

    Try not to overthinking the situation and go with your gut, heart, and logical thinking.

    It is a big decision to make but together with your husband I'm confident you will make the right decision for your family.
    1 person found this helpful
  11. Pink01
    Pink01 avatar
    7 posts
    19 July 2020 in reply to monkey_magic
    I think it may be something deeper. I’m just not sure exacty what or whether a number of things. Since having my kids my relationship with my Mother has pretty much deteriorated. I realised alot of things about her and the way she treats me. If I ever asked for help it was either her way or no way. If I didn’t agree with her she would leave and I wouldn’t hear from her in weeks which was out of the ordinary for her because we would talk every day. She’s very judgemental. She is a people pleaser but puts other people before her own child. This is hard as the one other person I thought I could rely on for their support no matter what was my Mum but I know now I don’t have that or if I do it’s way more stressful than its worth.
    Also I have in the past had a couple of pregnancy scares where I thought I was pregnant and gone into a complete panic and I was adament in that moment that I didn’t want another baby then afterwards realised I wasn’t pregnant and a few months later I would be back to doing the same thing of thinking we should have another baby.
    Just cant shake this feeling of dread and sadness around it and it shouldn’t be like that.
  12. monkey_magic
    monkey_magic avatar
    3417 posts
    19 July 2020 in reply to Pink01
    Hi Pink01,

    My mum's got her flaws also. It really strains the relationship. Maybe one day you can have a vulnerable, open and honest talk to her about what you don't appreciate, how it's making you feel and come up with a solution. But then again some ppl r unable to recognise things in themselves and are unable to change.
    My mum did eventually change though through time so it's also possible.

    If u do decide to have a baby I'd want you to be excited and happy about the decision. But I suppose it's also a daunting and sad, dreadful time dealing with hormonal changes and everything that goes on with pregnancy and delivery.

    Weigh up your options and see what suits you best.



    1 person found this helpful
  13. Pink01
    Pink01 avatar
    7 posts
    20 July 2020 in reply to monkey_magic

    Ive just woken up again with this overwhelming feeling of dread. Why does this happen every night?

    It’s hard to even imagine another child in our family.

  14. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    7185 posts
    20 July 2020 in reply to Pink01

    Hello Pink..

    Sorry that you woke up with an overwhelming feeling of dread...

    I wish I could give you an answer..to why it’s happening every night...

    Pink..I’m wondering if you would consider making an appointment with your GP and have a talk about what your thinking and the way your feeling...I am no Dr, or professional, just thinking that it might be anxiety making you feel/think the way you are,...and your Dr. would be able to help you if your diagnosed with anxiety....Maybe your husband could accompany you as well....

    Its a big decision for you to make...and it’s one that only you and your husband can make...No one else can decide for you....and I’m sure you will make the right decision....for you and your family..

    Talk here anytime..I’m listening when I am able to..

    Kind thoughts..

    Grandy..

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