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Topic: Social Anxiety - Please help i'm losing friends.

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. ChloeR
    ChloeR avatar
    1 posts
    22 June 2020

    i'm needing help on ways to deal with social anxiety asap,

    i've always had anxiety, but since the start of this year, i've noticed its starting to get a tight grip of me. i get so anxious when even my closest friend who i've known for years & who i live with asks me to go to the shops with her because im scared or that im going to be to awkward. i've also noticed none of my last remaining friends ask me to hang out anymore. but deep down i know i'm the one to blame for as i usually pull out last minute or say im "too busy" when really im at home in my bed avoiding conversation. ive also notice im starting to get my words jumbled up or my sentences are slurred.

    im trying so hard to push myself to be more social with friends but i find it so damn hard and i can slowly see the friendships/relationships i have with people disintegrate in front of me. please help .

  2. missep123
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    missep123 avatar
    310 posts
    22 June 2020 in reply to ChloeR

    Hi ChloeR,

    Social anxiety is such a challenging thing to deal with! I have a friend who has cancelled many times due to social anxiety. We have spoken about it though and that has really helped her. Have you tried speaking to your friends about it?

    To some degree I used to be like this too. I would also think about how the whole day or situation would 'play out' which would make me anxious or overwhelmed and not want to go. When I did go though it turned out that my 'worst case' scenarios didn't end up happening or if I was a little bit awkward it flew under the radar.

    One thing that really helped me and my friend is to think about what kind of thoughts we were having. We don't realise it but sometimes we can have negative automatic thoughts. For example 'I will look dumb', 'I will say something stupid' and then this makes us feel anxious and want to cancel. We can try to challenge these thoughts by thinking about evidence for and against it. Often we will find that the evidence against this thought is longer or more believable than the evidence for. Thought challenging is tricky and takes practice but it can put us in a better mindset. Even writing it down can help.

    I'm here for you!

    1 person found this helpful
  3. AYRC
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    AYRC avatar
    8 posts
    26 June 2020 in reply to ChloeR

    Hey ChloeR

    I'm sorry you feel that way! Social anxiety must be exhausting! I can't say that from experience but I can try to understand. I think missep123 had some great suggestions that might help you along. I have a friend who struggles with social anxiety too and my friend group are very open about it. She tells us how she's feeling and we try to gently encourage her to let us know if the reason she's backing out of something is because she feels anxious about it. Often, we'll try to reduce the number of people coming, or create a new event without as many new people she has to meet etc. Maybe you could also try and be a little more open with your friends and explain that you would really love to see them and catch up but you feel anxious and uncomfortable in certain situations. Maybe you could also start by inviting one of your close friends over so that you're in a safe and comfy home environment with someone you're very familiar with. Start with baby steps :)

    Let me know how things go! <3

  4. bluenight
    bluenight avatar
    62 posts
    28 June 2020 in reply to ChloeR

    Hi ChloeR

    I know and understand how horrible social anxiety can be. And I’ve been through very similar situations with friends and others in my life.

    It’s hard to know what’s triggered these feelings for you, is there anything else going on in your life at the moment that is stressful or that you’re worried about?

    I think even depression can bring on symptoms of social anxiety.

    Some things that I think can help anyone with social anxiety are;

    Reduce or stop caffeine altogether; stop drinking alcohol; if you’re a smoker try to give this up;

    Eat healthy, exercise, sleep, get sunshine, spend time relaxing and doing things you enjoy, prayer

    If the above doesn’t help, maybe see a GP, and before you decide to go on any medication, get a blood test which includes checks on your hormones, thyroid function, because changes in these can cause emotional and mental changes and it sounds like your social anxiety has just started to get worse over the last year or couple of months?

    It would really help if you could speak to someone openly about everything though, family or friends maybe or even the beyond blue support line?

    Be kind to yourself and be kind, caring and considerate to others. Helping others/being nice is an anxiety killer!! Doesn’t have to be someone you know either.

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