Hello Coco thankyou for your post and welcome to the forum
anxiety is normal, I have always had work anxiety at a new job for sometime until i felt comfortable and was paranoid that i was doing a bad job and was going to be fired.
However this sounds a bit more serious. Have you seen a doctor about your symptoms?
This does not sound stupid at all lots of people have had similar experiences and i have experienced panic attacks in the past. The way that i helped myself calm down was to have a hot bath or shower, slow down my breathing by breathing into a paper bag, and to ground myself to the present moment.
Also i think you have a lot going on and talking to someone about this would really benefit you
If you want to talk this through with a Beyond Blue counsellor, we’re on 1300 22 4636 or you can reach us on webchat. It can really help to talk things like this through. Please remember to reach out whenever you need to.
Feel free to keep sharing, other members will likely be able to relate to what you’re going through.