I feel like my social anxiety is getting out of control and really affecting my life.
And I'm so scared that I'm going to feel like this for life.
It's gotten worse with lockdown restrictions easing. Me and my partner have been meeting his friends and although they're all nice, I just can't relax and enjoy myself. I feel like I look anxious and then I panic because I haven't said anything for a while and I just feel like I'm going to be known as the boring one.
It's so frustrating because I have a bubbly personality, I just find it impossible to show in a group setting with new people. It's making me dread the weekends because I know we'll be seeing people.
I actually find it easier meeting strangers for example rather than with my partner and his friends because I feel so embarrassed him seeing me like that.
I think I've come to a point where I know I should go to therapy, but I'm so scared that it won't work and that's my last hope. I'm generally a happy person, but the social anxiety is making me depressed. I just wish I could fake looking confident, but I know I just sit there looking nervous, which in turn makes me more nervous.
I'd say I've had social anxiety for 15 years maybe, but it's definitely getting worse. I just want to enjoy life, I feel so sad to think I'm spending all my time worrying about future social events, then worrying about how I looked after.
It's so crippling and I just wish there was a quick fix. I've spoken to my partner about it but I know he thinks it isn't that bad. Maybe because we haven't had to be in many social situations the last few months.
I'm from the UK and once restrictions ease I plan to join some groups and put myself out there. Although I know I'll just be a shell of myself. I just want to be happy and carefree again.