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Topic: still confused

10 posts, 0 answered
  1. user9463728
    user9463728 avatar
    13 posts
    14 September 2021
    I posted something on here a while ago and I'm honestly still confused. I just feel like something isn't right with me. I have no idea how to explain how I feel. I'm constantly searching around trying to find some kind of condition or something that sounds like what I'm experiencing but nothing. It feels like I have a mix of a bunch of different disorders but that's not right. I feel like I've always thought of people and everything, in general, a little differently than others but it wasn't anything crazy. I've noticed, every month or so I get weirdly obsessed with something. And by weirdly obsessed I mean WEIRDLY OBSESSED. I can't stop thinking about it, whether it be a tv show, a person or even an illness. Ill do hours and hours of research and won't be able to think about anything other than it for a few days usually. However, sometimes the "obsession" lasts a few weeks or more. Last year I became obsessed with blindness. (No idea where it started. I probably saw an article on it or something.) So obsessed that I wanted to be blind. Like really badly. I was stupid and did research on how I could make it happen. I ended up staring at the sun for about ten minutes in one eye and less in the other. Told my parents I was "seeing a weird dot" in my eye so I could get it checked out. Had scans done and they asked me whether I had looked into any bright lights, of course, I said no. Was diagnosed with some other eye condition that presents similarly and to this day, I'm the only one who knows what really caused it. Not even my parents know I caused it. (cost them a shit ton of money too lol). I did it just for the attention. I got extra attention at school and loved seeing everybody's reactions to finding out I had a "rare eye condition." I pretend to be sad when my friends ask me about it but really I love their reactions and attention so much. I LOVE it. The "eye condition" reactions have mostly died down now. Everyone has forgotten it exists. Been having obsessions like this for a few years now but that's the furthest I've been with one. I've had a lot of smaller ones but still very annoying. When searching for answers I've been leaning towards the possibility of some kind of personality disorder. I saw an article talking about obsessions in borderline personality, but had only one other symptom. Even leaned towards antisocial personality disorder, as I have a few symptoms but it doesn't seem right. Any idea what this sounds like?
  2. geoff
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    geoff avatar
    15102 posts
    14 September 2021 in reply to user9463728

    Hello User, welcome back to the site and before I want to say more, I wonder whether you can look at 'intrusive thoughts' which you can type in the above section or even in your main search browser, just have a read of some of the comments and hope to hear back from you.

    Geoff.

  3. user9463728
    user9463728 avatar
    13 posts
    14 September 2021 in reply to geoff
    I know what intrusive thoughts are and I don't think I get them. I usually don't get unwanted thoughts.
  4. geoff
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    15102 posts
    14 September 2021 in reply to user9463728

    Hello User, when 'obsession' it's normally related to having a compulsion and if this does happen then it may be caused by OCD, not that I'm a doctor, but know, as I've had this condition for 60 years.

    By looking into the sun with one eye is something this illness tells you to do, and because we have this, isn't any fault of yours, but it's so difficult for other people to accept why we have to do these 'habits'.

    Geoff.

  5. user9463728
    user9463728 avatar
    13 posts
    14 September 2021 in reply to geoff
    Thanks for replying. Do you have any idea how I could bring this up with my parents? I can't exactly tell them what I did.
  6. user9463728
    user9463728 avatar
    13 posts
    14 September 2021 in reply to geoff
    Oh, I forgot to ask too. During obsessions, is it normal to occasionally follow through with things because I enjoy the reactions and attention of people?? Or is that just weird and unrelated?
  7. geoff
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    15102 posts
    14 September 2021 in reply to user9463728

    Hello User, a very good question you have asked because for someone with this disorder, how can you explain why you have to check the door locks so many times, a number you have created for a certain reason, my number is 4, although I may still do things more than 4 times, it's just that I need to count to 4, then I'm satisfied.

    At my age, I have been able to hide my obsessions and compulsions so nobody knows, but it may take a while for this to happen to you, please don't worry, it may slowly happen, depending on any grief other people give you.

    Your parents might already know that you are doing things and don't know why, but remember you could first talk with your grandma who has already noticed, that all depends on you, but you can write down what you have done or currently doing, which they may relate to, and mention you have been on the Beyond Blue website and spoken to people who can definitely recognise what you have been saying.

    Tell them as much as you like, you can go slowly telling them or go the full hog, tell them you have these feelings which are telling you not to go to school because (give them the reason).

    It's doesn't matter what they say, such as it's not going to happen, because for you it is and it's a disorder you need to speak to your doctor about and if you mention 'the mental health plan' this will entitle you to 10 Medicare paid sessions, so no cost for your parents.

    If you are 25 years or under, you can contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 by phone, webchat or online and will assign someone who can relate to your age, but please don't forget us.

    Remember if you do have OCD people will have noticed and may have said 'it's because you are under pressure at school or you might have an exam to do', ok yes that may be true but after the exam, you still have these thoughts, obsessions etc, but please don't worry we want to help you as much as we can.

    Geoff.

  8. user9463728
    user9463728 avatar
    13 posts
    14 September 2021 in reply to geoff
    Thank you. Also, in my previous post, someone mentioned that for it to actually be OCD you needed to perform 'rituals'. What's an example of a ritual? I'm not entirely sure whether I do this. Or do I??
  9. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    1151 posts
    14 September 2021 in reply to user9463728

    Hi user9463728,

    Sorry you are feeling confused…..

    I agree with Geoff that maybe what you are experiencing could be caused by OCD… a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist could diagnose.

    A compulsion for me was….. googling symptoms and seeking reassurance to name a couple….

    I was diagnosed with this disorder but I’ve now recovered…. this condition is treatable …

    Are you feeling distressed by your intrusive thoughts?

    I have written two threads

    From someone who had OCD and recovered

    Effective treatment for OCD Metacognitive therapy…

    Im here to chat…. ask me any thing

  10. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    15102 posts
    15 September 2021 in reply to user9463728

    Hello User, another good question, well, for example, a ritual is developed by an obsession, a compulsive thought you have to do, no matter what, like before you go to bed, you need to check the door lock that particular amount of times you have established in your mind, as I said, mine is 4 times, by that I mean you go to bed but have to hop up to recheck the lock, touch it that number of times, then go back to bed, hop up again and do the same, over and over again, until your mind is convinced that you've done as planned.

    These are repetitive actions that are meant to reduce your anxiety, calm your fears and/or worries, and anybody who doesn't have this condition can't understand why we have to do by saying 'you've just checked it, and it won't be any different', so you might make up an excuse that you have to go the bathroom and on your way you check the door lock.

    At Easter time, when I was just a kid, I would find every pair of shoes and put them in my bedroom, but none of them had to touch each other, I only woke up when Mum came in because she started laughing.

    There are many rituals I could tell you, but please remember they are no fault of yours.

    Ask any more questions you like.

    Geoff.

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