I'm new to this space and am really struggling in life lately, so i thought I'd dive straight into sharing a bit of something tonight!
The past 2 months have been intense for me medically. I am anaemic, i am in chronic pain and i am currently awaiting a diagnosis for an auto immune disorder as my white blood cells are also low.
This past week has hit me especially hard. My Grandma's health is on the decline and i have past trauma when it comes to such a thing -> I watched my Grandpa suffer for 6 years with ill health and then i had a pet whom took ill as well. Both are no longer with me.
My response to this current situation with my Grandma has me super on edge all the time! My Mum is my Grandma's carer, so every time her phone starts ringing I expect it to be something bad!!
I now can't find a way to calm down at all! I keep clenching my teeth, i am tachycardic all the time, i have digestive pains and can barely eat due to being so wound up.. in the past 2 days i keep having bad dizzy spells..
I just haven't felt like myself in the longest time overall and it scares me but this also triggers my depression to feel as i do, both in my body and my mind all the time.
The fatigue i feel is so bad as i write this!
I'm currently early into a work break that i allowed myself to take (i do content creating online). I just don't like doing anything when i constantly feel no good emotions. I was so long overdue for this break too. I just kept pushing but nothing was (and nothing currently is) making me feel any better. Or rather i feel like what would usually brighten me up, is just stressing me out instead!
So here i am writing this as i quite honestly just feel like i need to let this out. I do see my doctor again in a week's time, so we'll see how things go from there.
In the meantime (and beyond) i do hope to check back here and interact with you all on other parts of this forum too.
I thank you so much in advance for taking your time to even read this post! I really appreciate it!