The Darkness is creeping back into my life again... I can feel its persistent murmurs in the back of my mind. "Just one step closer," - the Darkness whispers, "Come on, what do you have to lose? Its not like you havent been here before...." I struggle to fight it but am reminded of a phrase " May your darkest fears haunt your brightest day".... not a happy thought is it..?
My night terrors are also back. My dreams make me feel like i have done the most horrific things, waking up in a cold sweat or choking on my tears. Put me on a lie detector test, I would fail every question as i feel like i am the most despicable worthless horrible person - thanks to the memories i carry from the night terrors.
Anyway.... the Darkness. I am at a crossroads (hence i am here posting again), not so far that i cant see the light yet in deeper than i would like to be in this Dark Spiral. I am conscious of the fact that I am being pulled/lured in and i also know that it will eventually lose its strength... BUT can i hold on until then without crashing down into the pit of self-destruction?
The images and thoughts are whirling again, daily soon hourly then every other thought! Its like being pushed and pulled by the wind in different directions and yet always in the direction i dont want to go! Then to top it all off... here comes my old "friend" Paranoia. "You cant escape your past, THEY will find you, THEY will take you away and NOBODY will care." ....well, isnt he just a fun companion to have?
In summary: Darkness is growing again, Night Terrors are back, Paranoia is creeping up my spine, I AM aware of it all and I AM now at the crossroads of the Dark Spiral.
Wish me luck. Im gonna need it.