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Topic: The Dark Spiral of OCD and Bipolar

  1. LaTeRaLuS777
    LaTeRaLuS777 avatar
    27 posts
    13 June 2020

    Hi Everyone

    Its been a tough few weeks for me, ups and downs. Work is really really stressful, so much so that I broke down in front of the crew and had to leave early. Driving home i was in tears thinking that i have failed my life, my family, my counterparts and myself. Here is my post from that day:

    "Anxiety like the fevered dreams of a crack addict crawl over my skin as i anticipate the day ahead tomorrow. Remember the three rules i say to myself: one, everything will be ok; two, have some patience; and three, dont be a d!ck. With this in mind i crawl under the comforting doona and await my inevitable 4am alarm that beckons like the fingers of Death upon the dawning day."

    Things slowly got better and now i feel like i will be ok but its still really hard to maintain my sense of worth when i think im failing to hold my own workload. Things will get better the more i keep going but its really tough to hold my head up some days.

    On a positive note i also had some good days where i achieved my goals and helped to support my team. Here is a post from one of them:

    "As i hit the 110km zone, Highway Star starts playing at 22 on the volume dial, my head goes back and i breathe in the sounds through the vibrations all around me. The trail of happiness i have left fills me with pride and a sense of worth pours from my head in a daze of little smiles. Tomorrow i get to do this all again, i smile wide like a fish eating a pineapple. Highway Star begins to peak as i round the bend to see nothing but open road and black tarmac stretching off towards my final destination; home. Today was a good day, i think to myself."

    Well thats about it for me, hope you are all ok or at least coping as well as you can for now. Keep going, everything will be ok. There is always help here at Beyond Blue, just have a chat with someone or post here for a sympathetic shoulder.

    Cheers,

    L7

  2. LaTeRaLuS777
    LaTeRaLuS777 avatar
    27 posts
    12 October 2020

    Hello Everyone

    Its been a while since my last post but I am doing ok. Riding the ups and downs as best as I can.

    The reason for my current post is this: PANIC!!

    Sheer blinding chest-crushing breath-taking shaking panic... Out of nowhere I had another panic attack, first time in months, and without any reason that I can see. I had to keep going because I was at work and every step I thought "this is it, im going to die." But I also thought I can get through this, deep breaths and focus on my job. After about 2 hours I managed to get it under control (couldnt take any medications while working, although they would have probably helped get it over sooner).

    So symptoms: chest pain, shaking hands, difficulty breathing properly and photosensitivity.

    How I dealt with it: Everything will be ok (Mantra), focus on my breathing and controlling each breath, reminding myself that if it was a real heart attack it would be like an elephant on my chest not stabbing little pains, and finally drinking some more water both to hydrate my system and as a focus activity.

    In summary: Panic attacks are not fun! Yes, you think you are going to die and the more you focus on it the worse it becomes. It will pass, like all things, just try to go somewhere safe (or if working, think about somewhere calming) and ride it out. Remember to live in the moment, be it good or bad, it is just an experience. When possible, take your medications if you are prescribed them.

    Thank you all for reading this post and I hope to be more active in the future,

    L7

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