Dear Sam, thankyou for sharing more. I know for myself that my work can be extremely stressful but my heart is in it and it's kinda like my calling if you get my drift?
It's the things that have happened in my personal life over long periods that have created Anxiety / PTSD.
I've beaten depression over a long period without "support" - long story. But it could pour back in at any time so I am my own sentinel there.
On my thread 'new person' somewhere here lol I talk of the therapies I'm having / doing and their successes / challenges.
I'm really glad you went for that surf. You can be very proud of yourself for pushing through to do something for yourself. I call these times "push me - pull you" times (like in Dr Dolittle)...
Notch that one up as a SUCCESS. I believe you would have felt worse if you didn't go.
Surfing is part of our culture here. I have a bond with the water here. I see broad spanses of water from my balcony and lounge room and kitchen sink lol. It's soothing to me.
Exposure therapy - I talk of that going on for me in the strangest of ways lol with my Specialist Trauma Psychologist. I took 2 month's leave recently to embark on it. I'll only go back 3 days per week for maybe 6 - 18 months not sure yet. As a sole parent with sole custody of all my children, finances could be tricky lol. But I'm pretty much all over that atm. I hope!
I told my psych that I've dealt with SO MANY triggers alone but she more or less said I hadn't because I still had triggers (NB the past tense I'm trying to use lol!). She has peeled back the trigger, what it is, why on the first level, then deeper on the next level, then keeps going till she knows the PERSON that inflicted the trauma at the base onset. And names the whole string of events "THAT person's name".
Looking at it HER way, I have only TWO triggers. My mother and my exH.
When I thought it was all these other things / activities / places etc etc etc.
Just 2 people. I am NC with both ofcourse!
THIS week (Session 4) I noticed afterwards that I am freer. I can now relax to about 90% which is unbelievable really. My sleep is amazing and not disturbed unless by the dog lol and I don't react with fear even then like I used to. I will update my thread presently, more happened today.
I'm also watching alot of Kristen Neff online and bought her workbook, it's on backorder. Also reading Dr Joe Dispenza.