Welcome to the bb forum, a place of non judgemental support.
It sounds like you are in a relationship that’s not good for your health. I’m really sorry that you’re feeling overwhelmed and like you’re losing control.
Have you considered talking it through with your GP? I suggest this because your doctor can assist with a diagnosis and treatment plan. With the right treatment, many people recover from anxiety and the type of feelings you are experiencing.
Kind thoughts to you