This year has been the most challenging of my life. I have suffered from mild depression, panic disorder and health anxiety for 10 years. It has been controlled on-off with medication and therapy but for a couple of years now it has been steady decline, now hitting the bottom where I just feel totally helpless and incapable at times.
A close family member has been really ill and it has fed my anxiety. I experience symptoms out of the blue, always different. I have had severe tiredness, breathing difficulty, vertigo, paralysis, stomach issues... I have been in several blood tests, specialists, ECG, head CT, vertigo clinic. Never found anything too alarming, yet I constantly fear that the next thing will be real.
I am just exhausted of the mental and physical drainage. Especially during COVID. I am experiencing the main symptoms at least once a week. Not that I want to. And it is always the same fear, anxiety, inability to sleep, uncontrollable emotions.
Not that it always shows, I am able to keep up the facade most days. Smile at work, do my share. But it is starting to crack and I am struggling keeping it together.