Hi there Belle002 and welcome to the forum!
Thanks for reaching our about this difficult situation. It is an unfortunate fact that so many managers and small business owners in particular, are not at all trained in how to be people managers.
I worked for many years for an excellent large retail group and was promoted over the years to an area manager, dealing with store managers and their targets, plus staff training. I would have been hopeless at it if it wasn't for the training the company gave me.
Here's my suggestion - tell your manager very clearly that you like working there, like her as a person, but would like to make a much greater contribution to her business. But there are some things you need to know for this to happen. Can she please put ten minutes aside to answer some questions you have to clear some things up about your role and on what aspects of your performance you are being judged?
This approach should remove any defensive replies she might otherwise come up with as you are asking for her advice on how you can help her business! Even if you don't like the work or her doesn't matter as its important to set up the discussion positively.
Even if you start by saying something like "Hi (Manager), can I have a chat with you as soon as convenient please? I really like working here and having you as a boss but want to do a better job and help the business more. I would really appreciate having a few things clarified please. Is that OK?"
That approach is non threatening to the manager and implies the meeting you are requesting will be positive and help her business. So there is a great chance she will respond positively. When you have the chat, ensure you ask questions about anything you don't understand, and thank her often for what she tells you.
Keep it positive! You could also try something like "I am a little bit lost so can you tell me exactly what you are expecting of me every day so I can make sure I don't let you down?"
This approach should help clear things up straight away. Then make sure you ask her regularly how you are going and it there is anything she has noticed that you can do better?
So take a deep breath and go for it Belle002 - I am very happy to discuss further and help you along the path with this manager.
All the very best, The Bro