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Topic: Worried

  1. Rainshaddow
    Rainshaddow avatar
    74 posts
    15 July 2021
    Hi , new to this , don't know what to expect , suffer from anxiety and depression and C-PTSD , live alone out in rural Aus and just wanted to talk , some form of contact ,
  2. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1002 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Rainshaddow

    G'day Rainshaddow, welcome to the highly complex internet life of forumming on of beyond blue!

    Plenty of people will chat here.

    What you doing this evening?

    I'm trying yet again to keep my feet warm having just finished home made leek and potato soup.

    dng

  3. Rainshaddow
    Rainshaddow avatar
    74 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    Hi dng , thankyou for talking to me , I'm just sitting watching tele trying to keep warm , experiencing anxiety die to a heap of things going on , living alone seems to make it worse as I have nobody to talk to , rural living means neighbours are some distance away
  4. Rainshaddow
    Rainshaddow avatar
    74 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    Soup sounds good , I should eat some food I guess , not hungry these days but know I gotta eat , potatoe and leek soup sounds good
  5. Rainshaddow
    Rainshaddow avatar
    74 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Rainshaddow
    Oh that should say due to a heap of things going on , small type screen on phone
  6. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1002 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Rainshaddow

    What tv show you watching?

    I've got a few The Good Doctor season 3 lined up or I might go with Loki episode 6 the climax of loki's first season.

  7. Kitty1991
    Kitty1991 avatar
    41 posts
    15 July 2021

    Hi Rainshaddow,

    I am new here too. I was diagnosed with depression about a year ago and severe anxiety about a week ago. Saw you thread and freaked out a little about replying. Then thought stuff it, if Rainshaddow can be brave enough to post I can pull up my socks and reply.
    So hello. ๐Ÿ‘‹ . I am sorry you are going through a tough time at the moment and I hope things get better soon.
    How was your day though? You mentioned you live in rural Australia. Do get to see many native animals? I have a possum that lives outside my house in a tree. I love to see it scamper down nightly to go foraging around Brissy.

  8. Rainshaddow
    Rainshaddow avatar
    74 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    I have the big bang theory and castle , I have a huge collection of DVDs , it's frustrating though as I have difficulties concentrating on anything , my brain just can't seem to take in any info anymore , can't watch news or current affairs or any show that has any yelling or screaming in it or any heavy drama , it's gotta be funny or lite hearted ,
  9. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    8935 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Rainshaddow

    Hello Dear Rainshadow,

    A very warm and caring welcome to the forums..

    I am sorry your struggling so much with your mental health..

    Like you I live alone but in the central west NSW..and can relate to how it seems harder to manage our mental health when on our own....

    I also have anxiety m depression, C-ptsd and a couple more mental issues..to try to manage..

    Do you have any pets?....I have 2 little dogs that help me feel less lonely..and I know this might sound silly...I often talk to them, moreso when Iโ€™m doing it hard..

    Here if you feel to talk about anything at all..Iโ€™m listening to you Dear Rainshadow...and hope to hear from you, when you feel up to it...

    My kindest thoughts..

    Grandy..

  10. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1002 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Rainshaddow

    My UncleD put me onto big bang theory and I have seen all twelve seasons, its hilarious!

    Wife loves Castle, but not my thing. We stopped watching the news over ten years ago. Too many reminders of painful suffering about things we cannot control.

  11. Rainshaddow
    Rainshaddow avatar
    74 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Kitty1991
    Hi kitty , thanks for replying to me , I was nervous about replying to your thread too , so hello to you too ๐Ÿ‘‹ yes I'm in rural wa , and yes I see wildlife around , kangaroos outside the house , rabbits , plenty of birds , magpies and kookaburras , I have seen possums around aswell at nite , my day was a bit low , anxiety has a hold of me , I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression 3 ish years ago , and cptsd about 2 yrs ago ,
  12. Rainshaddow
    Rainshaddow avatar
    74 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Ggrand
    Hi Grandy, thanks for replying to me , sorry to hear you have some of the same issues I struggle with , it's no fun eh , no I don't have pets , I don't think I could cope with looking after a pet , my accomodation is shaky and I'm not working ATM so worried I could end up homeless , it terrifies me
  13. Rainshaddow
    Rainshaddow avatar
    74 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    Yep big bang is good , unused to laugh all the time , was told I had a great sense of humour in the past , I don't laugh anymore and some people I know have commented on it , can't laugh if I don't feel it anymore
    1 person found this helpful
  14. Rainshaddow
    Rainshaddow avatar
    74 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Kitty1991
    My anxiety manifests as the squirt of adrenaline in my stomach , fast heart beat and breathing , and I can't stop worrying about a whole raft of issues . How is it with you ?
    1 person found this helpful
  15. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1002 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Rainshaddow

    Rainshaddow said: ... can't laugh if I don't feel it anymore

    TOTALLY!

    I went off comedy shows for about a decade, just didn't want to laugh.

    Fortunately and eventually I decided I did indeed need to laugh and so I made comedy a rational act.

    What can I find today that makes me laugh out loud?

  16. Rainshaddow
    Rainshaddow avatar
    74 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Rainshaddow
    I look forward to sleep as I feel it's an escape for me . How are you coping with things , have you found anything that helps you ?
  17. Rainshaddow
    Rainshaddow avatar
    74 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    Yep I hear ya , I have heaps of comedy on DVD , sometimes I do laugh and then feel guilt as if I shouldn't be laughing ,
    1 person found this helpful
  18. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1002 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Rainshaddow

    I love the bliss of sleep too, so lovely to warm up my bed, pulling the quilt cover and sinking into the bed.

  19. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1002 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Rainshaddow

    Feeling a little guilty about laughing, hmmm. Yeh, I can understand that.

    Sort of like watching someone fall over, laughing, then realising they've hurt themselves.

    Like if Jerry Lewis the king of comedy fell over, we would laugh, but he would get up crying and we would feel sad and then he'd smile and we'd be glad he smiled. Weird stuff all in the space of seconds.

  20. Kitty1991
    Kitty1991 avatar
    41 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Rainshaddow

    My heart races and I am constantly in flight or fight mode - if that makes sense. If something startles me (which is ridiculously easy to do) my fist response is โ€˜Iโ€™m going to die) and I kinda panic in a controlled everyone is watching me way. I donโ€™t know if that makes any sense. And I get quite confused with so many thoughts running around in my head that eventually my bad just shuts off so I am numb, and my mind is finally quiet. Then I cry.

  21. Rainshaddow
    Rainshaddow avatar
    74 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Kitty1991
    Oh yes ! It all makes sense to me what you have said , I have had the fight and flight response and also a freeze response where I can't think , for example if 2 people start talking to me at once , or if there is a too many people around I feel an intense desire to get away . I am sad that your experiencing those emotions , it can be overwhelming , I understand what your saying with the crying afterwards , it's an emotional release , I get a simalar thing , I find towards the end of the day/nite my brain is frazzled from the worry and I am exhausted even if I've done nothing all day , my brain stopping is like a gift , I get numb too , to the point where I just don't care what's going to happen . Just the cycles through the emotions can be exhausting , I wish it could stop , I stopped my medication as it was having some bad side effects ,
  22. Rainshaddow
    Rainshaddow avatar
    74 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    Yep I feel guilt about everything and I am a good , law abiding thoughtful decent human , it's guilt about anything and everything , nothing I have done or said , it's just always there , in the background ,
  23. Kitty1991
    Kitty1991 avatar
    41 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Rainshaddow
    I am so glad I am not the only one going through this emotional exhausting roller coaster! I run away when there is too many people otherwise I get completely overwhelmed. I always excuse my self and walk away like I am on a mission.
    Have you thought above trying a different medication? Maybe another will have less side effects?
  24. Rainshaddow
    Rainshaddow avatar
    74 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Kitty1991
    That's exactly what is , an emotional roller coaster whilst blind folded as I/ we never know what's coming next , we just know something is coming . I'm ok ish around ppl I know but around strangers or in public I get that adrenaline squirt and I am highly vigilant , I occasionally get a heat wave run through me , so yeah I understand when you say you have to go and your on a mission to get out of there , I recently got a new script for a different anti anxiety tablet but I am hesitant for a few reasons , don't want the same side effects and looking for work in mining over here with drug n alcohol testing , I don't want to disclose that so I figure just stay on the roller coaster and mask what's going on inside me .I have also had sleep tabs but found they made me foggy the next day , Are you on a medication for yours ? Do you have any things you can do to distract yourself from what's going on ?
  25. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1002 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Rainshaddow

    OK, ones guilt is always there. Since it's always there we have to deal with it hey. So some of the ways to deal with that follow.

    Examine the guilt. What type of guilt is it?

    You mention being law abiding - ok, you are guilty of being law abiding.

    I value law abiding people. I think they are innocent of not abiding the law. If I met a guilty feeling yet law abiding person I would offer them my hand in friendship, for to me they are wonderful.

    Make a practice of bringing feelings of guilt into your foreground, like maybe a few minutes as a daily practice, giving yourself headspace and room to acknowledge and think/feel about your guilt.

    What do you feel most/least guilty about?

  26. Rainshaddow
    Rainshaddow avatar
    74 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    It's not a real guilt , not a guilt from an actual occurance , it's just a guilt that's there for some weird reason , had a bit of a tough childhood , alcoholic stepfather , screaming angry mum , they had heaps of physical fights that I saw , recon it's from all that era , well it's what the experts told me in therapy sessions anyway , it's where my cptsd comes from apparently too . And thankyou for saying those nice things about me ,
    1 person found this helpful
  27. Rainshaddow
    Rainshaddow avatar
    74 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Rainshaddow
    I try breathing exercises , I try the 3-3-3 thing , name 3 things , hear 3 things and move 3 body parts , apparently it makes our brains disconnect from our worrys and concentrate on the things we are doing , it sort of works for me depending on how wound up I am ,
  28. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1002 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Rainshaddow

    Evening Rainshaddow!

    Thank you very much for sharing those 4 lines of post about your experience with unreal guilt. I feel like I know you a bit better!

    As a kid some of us were often expected to be sorry and apologise for something our angry parents accused us of. With them being adults, physical size and loudness becomes threatening for children. So off the child goes, "Yep I'm sorry I spilt the drink, I'm sorry for making you mad."

    Children respond with flight, fight, freeze and fawn responses.

    We run away, either physically or emotionally.

    We fight hard and angry.

    We freeze up and let them do whatever they're doing.

    We fawn and appease, to avoid causing confrontation.

    Eventually we become so appeasing people walk all over us and we accept that as life.

    We might even feel guilty all the time, just to heighten our senses towards appeasing our angry parents or eventually any one else we ever meet.

    2 people found this helpful
  29. Rainshaddow
    Rainshaddow avatar
    74 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Guest9337
    That makes sense to me and actually rings true , I also get doubts about things that happened , I question if they happened or not , if I am remembering correctly or not ,
  30. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1002 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Rainshaddow

    Yeh, issues with memory is a known problem for some people who have experienced threatening situations.

    As a trauma sufferer myself, I note my memories of the incident(s) are fragmented, intensely emotional and that similar situations can provoke my anxiety responses.

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