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Topic: 29 and still living with parents and depressed.

10 posts, 0 answered
  1. lodo
    lodo avatar
    1 posts
    5 January 2019

    I am a 29 years old male, single, turning 30 this year and I still live with my parents. I have a full time job. Been working at that job for 4+ years (I’m an office clerk), but I don’t make enough to be able to afford rent. I’ve recently completed a Certificate III in IT from TAFE, and I’m in the process of trying to find a better job in IT. I’ve been trying to find a new job in IT for the last 6 months but haven’t had any success, due to a lack of experience in the IT field. Seriously, it’s infuriating and embarrassing for me.

    My parents keep telling me that its OK for me to stay at home with them, and as far as I know they don’t seem very interested in helping me become more self-sufficient, so I’ve been taking steps to achieve my goal of being self-sufficient by myself (by learning to cook my own meals, manage my own finances etc.) but my mother keeps cooking food for me even though I tell her that I would like to try and learn to cook by myself. Don’t get me wrong I love my parents and I’m not blaming them for my predicament, but they seem to have a “helicopter parents” vibe to them.

    I almost feel like running away to a Homeless Shelter or something just to leave my parents’ house. What’s your advice?

  2. Rubix
    Rubix avatar
    15 posts
    5 January 2019 in reply to lodo

    Hi Lodo,

    Your situation in terms of age does not sound unusual in this climate. Housing and rent is tough to afford, especially when single and starting off.

    A couple of thoughts spring to mind.

    Do you have any friends you might consider sharing rent with? Are you the personality that could move in with a stranger advertising for a flat mate? That could make moving out more affordable.

    In terms of your mum cooking, perhaps tell her you’re doing a fitness program so can only eat certain foods which you intend to trial. Of course you’d have to make it seem believable in terms of cooking things they wouldn’t normally serve up. Or actually go all in and DO something like it!

    I don’t know about jobs in your field, but FIFO opportunities would take care of your food and accommodation. They can however be incredibly lonely experiences.

    Youre still relatively young so I wouldn’t stress too much about it. You’ll likely look back later and realise all the good things that living at home brought with it.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. PamelaR
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    PamelaR avatar
    2681 posts
    7 January 2019 in reply to lodo

    Hi Lodo and welcome to Beyond Blue forums

    Rubix's idea of sharing a flat or house is a good one. It does help with the costs and it could also help to get to know others. There are many website for 'flat and house sharing'. Do a google search for Flat sharing (add your town/city).

    Job hunting can be demoralising can't it? Though, it does sound like things aren't too bad if you have an office clerk job. Is there any chance of promotion in the organisation you work for? Do they have a HR department you could talk to about opportunities or at least getting some experience in the IT area?

    Is there any chance of talking with your mum about 'sharing' the cooking load? Sell it like - giving her a break. Sit back and be waited on? Maybe you could learn to cook from her?

    You've written under the depression section of the forums so my thoughts are you may also be feeling a little depressed. I think this is quite normal to feel that way. Have you thought about seeing your doctor to get a referral to see a health professional (e.g. psychologist or counsellor)?

    You are not alone Lodo. Keep reaching out if and when you want to.No pressure to do so.

    Kind regards

    PamelaR

  4. NotYetEffulgent
    NotYetEffulgent avatar
    21 posts
    7 January 2019 in reply to lodo

    Hi lodo,

    I can relate, I’m nearly 26 male and still living with my parents as well. I was on track to move out with my ex as a second year apprentice last year, but then I lost both my apprenticeship and my relationship. It’s been hard finding any kind of work and I now work 3 days as a meter reader, which is in no way stable enough to move out and continue living. I know the feeling of wanting to run away, actually at the height of my panic state after the breakup, I packed a bag and slept on a park bench for the night, wasn’t a great day.

    The situation with your parents must be frustrating, I know my parents are always begging me to cook more, so it’s not really an issue for me. Maybe you can cook for them as well? Sell it to them as looking after them, giving back to them for the years they’ve looked after you? A change in perspective could be useful in the short term, in many countries it’s not unusual to live with family until married. Though I know there’s a stigma in our society, there are ways of selling why you’re still at home. It’s pretty hard starting out unless you can share the rent with someone, start putting out some feelers with colleges and friends?

    Don’t know if this helps any,
    NotYetEffulgent

    1 person found this helpful
  5. LonelyBoy90
    LonelyBoy90 avatar
    3 posts
    14 January 2019 in reply to lodo

    I know how you feel, my situation and home life is very similar; 28, living at home, not making enough to move out, parents are supportive (for the most part), but not super encouraging in terms of me striving for independence.

    Lately I've been toying with the idea of moving out regardless of not being able to afford it. It's not the "smart" option, but I feel like forcing myself into a "sink or swim" situation could give me the push I need. Maybe something to think about.

    I wish you the best of luck.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Natalia123
    Natalia123 avatar
    22 posts
    14 January 2019 in reply to lodo
    I'de start with raising this concern directly with my parents, then ask to set up a cooking schedule to give you structured nights to cook. The set some parameters around what chores you'd like to do etc. Sometimes family mean well but you may need to express yourself further and more than once.
  7. ScarlettR
    ScarlettR avatar
    47 posts
    15 January 2019 in reply to lodo

    I'm in the same position myself. 30 years old, have always lived with the parents, have a job that doesn't pay enough to afford independent renting. Mum still dotes on me.

    I've tried looking for a decent paying job for a long time, and only been fortunate to secure a casual position as consultant for an art sales business. I have only my job's income and Centrelink's AUStudy for money. I don't get financial support from anywhere else, not even my parents (we are low income earners).

    Yeah, I get depressed and embarrassed thinking of my situation. I get silently angry at the employers who don't bother to call me for an interview or even let me know if they're interested.

    But keep in mind that your situation is not uncommon. A third of all Millennials up to age 34 still live with their parents, and the research reveals it's due to lack of opportunity and money. I know a girl in Gold Coast who works as a model, she is in her late thirties and have moved her parents into her house again, after she separated from her partner. She's perfectly happy with the arrangement.

    1 person found this helpful
  8. Preacher
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Preacher avatar
    2 posts
    18 January 2019

    Living at home can be frustrating. I found myself moving back into my parents home at 30, after being independent since the age of about 18. After feeling inadequate and embarrassed, I started to realise that I've been given an opportunity to 'get myself together' in a secure and safe environment.

    I do realise that your situation is slightly different, in that you haven't had the chance to be independent and strike out on your own, these feelings that you have, these frustrations could lead to more serious mental health issues like depression and anxiety if you don't address them.

    I would suggest that you remain focused and continue to work hard at your career choice. Your Mum will continue to be your Mum, I'm nearly 50 now and my Mum will still spoil me, tell me how to wash and cook and brush my teeth and I live in a different state entirely. This is what Mums do. And I'm 6'2, big and bearded and covered in tattoos.

    As others have already written, the economic climate is tough at the moment, so if you are going to try and move out, look hard at what you are about to do and how you are going to do it. Do not put yourself into debt or make rash decisions based on being in a negative state of mind.

    As awkward as it might be, stay on the positive side, focus on your job, take more TAFE (or look at Uni) courses, do some independent study i.e. get some software programming skills under your belt, create a project that you can work on, learn some new software like desktop publishing and maybe look around and volunteer for a local community project or charity that could utilise your skills. Do things that can build a portfolio of work that you can present. Make yourself more valuable in your job. Whilst you have the security of living at home, you can really grow in your skill sets, embrace it, work harder and focus.

    When you are ready, the opportunity will present itself.

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Sleepy21
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Sleepy21 avatar
    1439 posts
    27 June 2020
    i live independently but have no independence, a relative helps pay half of my rent so I can live alone.
    And I don't even really enjoy that. I feel jealous of ppl who can live with their parents and don't see anything wrong with it personally, but only if the parents are kind and supportive, in that case it can be a healthy situation
  10. Thal1989
    Thal1989 avatar
    4 posts
    1 July 2020 in reply to lodo
    I hope that you have been able to enjoy some progress with your situation. I'm living in a similar situation at the moment, but recently it's been unbearable. I've tried to make some progress, but with the current situation with COVID-19, I've been stuck in at home for months, and for a multitude of reasons, it's been unbearable.

    I wish you the best of luck, and hope that you have had good fortune.

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