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Topic: Bipolar 2

8 posts, 0 answered
  1. JohnC1
    JohnC1 avatar
    6 posts
    14 January 2020

    Hi,

    First timer user here, i have a great need for good advice regarding bipolar2 partner, i hope someone can help.

    I am 62 and have been in a relationship with my lady for 6 years.
    She has been on antidepressants for 14 years until 11 months ago when she tapered off them because they were not helping.
    Since then it has become clearly apparent that she is bipolar 2.
    The issue is that she does not want to recognise that she has this condition (being so happy that she is not depressed)
    Therefore getting treatment is impossible.
    But, being in the manic phase the whirlwind continues which is destructive and fraught with danger.
    Any talk whatsoever about the matter sets her off.
    I have notified her treating psychiatrist but the laws (or interpretation of them) in Australia prevent any real dialogue.
    She has now finished the beautiful relationship and asked me to leave!
    What do I do?

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    8254 posts
    14 January 2020 in reply to JohnC1

    Hi, welcome

    Sadly, I dont have good news.

    I'm bipolar2 also. But the illness isnt the only problem here, it is the rejection by her for treatment. I gather she has been diagnosed? If not then it is purely by your observations she has bipolar.

    I'll assume she has been diagnosed for this post. Untreated bipolar is usually a roller coaster ride for the carer/partner/family/everyone...the extremes of behaviour can and often does terminate relationships as what is happening in your case.

    I personally cannot relate to the stubbornness some have regarding taking medication that reels in the extremities of such behaviour to save relationships from imploding. But, that's me and we are all different.

    Your options are few. You cannot make someone take medication so you are left with little option but to leave and at least take a break in the hope she will realise her inaction has caused this.

    Your near future will be uncertain and uprooting but in time you'll move on and see things clearer that the situation was intolerable.

    Sorry to hear this, reply anytime. We are here for you.

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  3. black_rose
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    black_rose avatar
    38 posts
    14 January 2020 in reply to JohnC1

    Hi John.

    Like WK I'm afraid I don't have much good news either.

    I have Bipolar 1 so my form of Bipolar can be quite severe at time. So I'll try and offer some insight from a different perspective.

    For this post I'll assume a diagnosis has been made.

    I was undiagnosed for around a decade, during that time I diagnosed with various other conditions, until a competent psych finally diagnosed me. I also refused meds.

    It was suspected by family members however since I was around 15 that I was Bipolar.

    About a decade ago I was diagnosed and medicated. However I have or should say had a stubbornness for medication. I took a/d to control the depressive lows, but would quite often stop my mood stabilisers due to weight gain, so my manic stages would still come.

    2 or 3 years ago, everything in my life came to head. I was manic irritable and was becoming psychotic. I had also learnt a lot mental health due to studies and qualifications which helped me immensely to notice symptoms and learn more in general about my illness.

    So I was medicated, still not keen on the idea 30kg of extra weight sees to that, but is better than the alternative. I still have bad days, but I think we all do.

    You mentioned you spoke to her treating psych, no doubt you had good intentions and were concerned, is it possible that she seem that as a betrayal? Personally in those instances for me that would be how I'd see it, and the anger for perceived hurt and betrayal with Bipolar can cause rifts and even relationship issues.

    I also can't be told I need help, I will lash out with that, I need to recognise it for myself, however as time has progressed people have learnt ways to get me to recognise symptoms they notice so I realise I'm not quite as stable.

    As for talking to her treating psych, if you get the chance again, instead of talking to them, ask her if you can talk to them because you are concerned for her and just want to help.

    However I get things are uncertain for you at the moment regarding the r/ship. So much of what I said may be moot anyway.

    Sorry I can't be more help, I wish you all the best.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. JohnC1
    JohnC1 avatar
    6 posts
    14 January 2020 in reply to white knight

    Thank you so much for these words.

    Diagnosis has not been made, but to most it is patently obvious.

    getting her diagnosed is the first part of the problem.

    she is not short of cleverness when talking with people including the doctor, very articulate and lines her ducks up to paint a picture.

  5. JohnC1
    JohnC1 avatar
    6 posts
    14 January 2020 in reply to black_rose

    Thank you too for this insight from that perspective, as i replied above, diagnosis has not been made officially but going from 14 hours sleep a day when depressed to 3 hours and working 18 hour days combined with many other symptoms it is quite clear. she is revving on the redline!

    you are certainly right about talking to the psychiatrist and family, it really was torch paper because from her view it broke trust / betrayal.

    thank you again for sharing and being helpful

  6. black_rose
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    black_rose avatar
    38 posts
    17 January 2020 in reply to JohnC1

    Hi John,

    Thanks for replying.

    Personally I would be very wary of making assumptions regarding Bipolar if a diagnosis hasn't been made. Definitely sounds as though there is something wrong and that some help is needed. However, there are also many other conditions that can cause such instability in moods.
    Personally when my diagnosis was made, it was extremely difficult as I also met the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder, it wasn't until things were explored more and more of my history that a Bipolar diagnosis was made.
    Have you tried talking to your lady since? Perhaps if she is willing to listen explain to her you did it out of concern for her well being and wasn't aware that this could be viewed as breaking trust, let her know you are still there for if she needs you, and that from now on you will keep her trust.
    For me trust once broken is hard to regain, however as I have learnt the past few years is it can slowly be rebuilt and if a relationship means that much to both people, it can be overcome. Also depends on the individuals involved too.

  7. JohnC1
    JohnC1 avatar
    6 posts
    19 January 2020 in reply to black_rose

    Hi Black Rose,

    thank you for your thoughts, they are of great value to me.

    your second last paragraph was done but met with anger and a lack of rationality.

    so, i have some ideas on how to get the diagnosis and treatment to happen.

    there is a file at the MH unit locally and contacting them will initiate a follow up enquiry which may work.

    i am writing a letter to the treating psychiatrist with details of symptoms and behaviours, then its up to the doctor.

    we had an appointment with a relationship psychologist but she told me not to go with her, so i am seeing him next week to air the observations of the symptoms.

    and her parents still have currency with her , so when appropriate i will tell her i will be discussing the risks with them and invite her to come with me.

    this situation is important because of the heightened risk to her health and life.

    thank again, as i am stuck and being helpless to try and fix this dangerous situation is not good

  8. JohnC1
    JohnC1 avatar
    6 posts
    22 January 2020

    I have just received an email from my lovely lady giving me 6 days to get out!

    what do i do?

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