Thank you for responding to me.
I totally understand that feeling of being in an endless up and down round and round, and it can feel so defeating when you start doing little things to get back on track but then you hit another set back.
One of the hardest things for me when I was going through my own merry go round was learning how to let go of certain standards or obligations I held myself to. But I also think it was one of the most important things for me, because once I started to let go of expectations and standards, I felt it was much easier to just take things as they came and not feel as much pressure.
I'm hearing that you're also feeling like there's lots of things falling down and you're trying to just do a better job of everything - be a better mother, not be a failure to your parents, gamble less (I gambled away literally all my savings at one point too!), be less lonely - but it's really hard to do everything all at once. Even people without significant mental health issues struggle to be a better parent or to get out more.
So perhaps it might be a matter of mentally letting go of some things, since you can't really do them all at once. Just because you still feel lonely, doesn't mean you haven't done anything and haven't grown as a person. Ditto with gambling. All it means is that your mental energy has been taken up trying to keep some other things afloat.