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Topic: BPD 2

10 posts, 0 answered
  1. Skippa
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    3 posts
    22 December 2019

    G'day all,

    I was finally diagnosed with BPD 2 in 2009 after having a 'breakdown' during my career in Politics back in August 2004. Initially I was diagnosed and being treated for depression but after 5 years of getting nowhere and feeling worse rather than better I decided to take the bull by the horns and demanded that my GP organise a Mental Healthcare Plan and send me of to see a Psychologist. It was during my 2nd session, my Psychologist advised me that I didn't have Depression but rather a mood disorder called Bipolar and that I needed to see a Psychiatrist pretty quickly. That was in November 2008. I saw a Psychiatrist in Jan 2009 and he confirmed the diagnosis of BPD 2.

    Since then I've been in and out of both the Public and Private Mental Healthcare hospitals 14 times the last was in October 2019 after I decided to stop all my BPD medication as it wasn't working and I was sick and tired of putting all that poison down my throat. I spent 3 weeks in the private clinic, meds free and was discharged medication free on the Tuesday. I contacted my Psych on the Wednesday as my mood was again cycling and I was extremely angry and aggressive toward my wife. My Psych had me see him on the Friday and started me on a medication starting that lunchtime. Saturday morning I woke with my heart trying to jump through my chest and profusely sweating. Thought I was having a heart attack. My daughter took me to the local Public Hospital where I was admitted straight away into Critical Care and then that night into Coronary Care. On the Sunday morning before I was fully awake the nurse came along and jabbed me in the stomach with a blood thinner injection and then returned with a cup full of medications for my apparent heart condition. I had not seen a Doctor since my arrival on this ward so how did they know I had a heart condition? I refused to take the meds and was then eventually seen by the Cardiac Specialist who told me that I could go home as I only had a reaction to the medication. Why did they try to force me into taking all those other pills? What could they have done to me?

    Have tried remaining med free but no good. Got the angries and the cycling back. Now I'm on a different medication and things have calmed down just a bit. At least my heart isn't trying to jump out of my chest.

    Sometimes you just need to stand up for yourself and say enough is enough. I've had far too much of your poison. Being med free worked for a while but is not the full answer

    Enjoy life

  2. Croix
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    1339 posts
    22 December 2019 in reply to Skippa

    Dear Skippa~

    Welcome to the Forum, you have had a hard time of it and not faced the best of the medical profession. Reading here on the Forum there are number of people that started out being diagnosed with depression, and were treated as such, only to find out later it was in fact Bipolar. I'm no doctor and do not have this particular condition, but suspect this is more common than one might imagine.

    Being on the wrong medication - even when the diagnosis is correct - often happens too. Everyone is different and so are their reactions. Sadly it can be an ongoing trial and error to find what works best. I've had many years of different meds before I finally found one that suited me and did not have marked side effects.

    So being in charge of your own treatment, as you are saying, is most important. It sounds, if you don't mind my saying so, that there might be room for some improvement to your current regimen. Do you have a long term psychiatrist to assist with this?

    Living with someone who had a mental condition, in my case it has been PTSD, bouts of depression and constant anxiety, can be very hard and I'm sure your wife, like mine, will have felt completely lost at times. Facing unwarranted anger can be frightening and very stressful. May I ask if she has support, a parent, family member of friend to lean on and understand? My wife had her mum and that made all the difference.

    There is a long-running thread here called:

    Forums / Staying well / This bipolar life

    where you may be able to compare notes with others who have your condition.

    You are very welcome to return here anytime

    Croix

    .

  3. Skippa
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    23 December 2019 in reply to Croix

    G'day Croix,

    Thanks for your reply. Yes I do have a long term psychiatrist who has saved me a few times. Not to sure as to what you are meaning in the following ' May I ask if she has support, a parent, family member of friend to lean on and understand? My wife had her mum and that made all the difference.' Who are you asking about? If it's in reference to my daughter, then she has the support of her mum, my wife of 38 years. It's not my daughter who takes the brunt of my anger and verbal abuse but my poor suffering wife.

    In regards to my BPD, even though my first "real" episode was in 2004, my psychiatrist claims that I've been undiagnosed since my late teens early twenties. That was late 70's, early 80's.

    Keep good and enjoy life.

  4. quirkywords
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    23 December 2019 in reply to Skippa

    Skippa

    Thanks so much for sharing your story with much insights and honesty.

    It is hard living with a mental illness even before you are diagnosed.

    I was diagnosed with manic depression as bipolar was called way back in the 1970s when I was 16.

    This is unusual to be diagnosed back then but it did not helps as back in 1970s even Doctors did not know much about bipolar. I was so angry that I was in denial for over 16 years and decided I never wanted to take medication as nothing was wrong with me but everyone else had a problem.

    I eventually I was pressured by husband and my parents to take medication and I was fortunate it worked for me.

    I had tried everything from diet, , exercise, meditation, acupuncture, natropathy, osteopathy, hypnosis and many other things but nothing worked.

    So I suppose for me I know I need to keep taking medication to be the person I want to be and lead the life I have.

    Keep writing here if you want to, or as Croix has mentioned feel free to have a look at, this bipolar life.

    Take care

    Quirky

  5. Croix
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    23 December 2019 in reply to Skippa

    Dear Skippa

    I'm very glad you have a long-term psych, it can make a great difference, just in continuity alone. I'm fortunate with mine, and gain from the therapy he offers as well as the meds.

    It was indeed you wife I was asking about. I'd imagined it would be hard for her to face anger and uncertainty like that, so the question about support. To be together for 38 years is a great thing.

    Croix

  6. Skippa
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    5 January 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    G'day Quirky,

    Thanks very much for your reply.

    I hate this time of year. It constantly brings home the fact that my son is no longer with us and this triggers me yet again. I tend to get angry and spiral into that deep dark fog called "The Nothing". From the kids movie 'The Never Ending Story' .

    I like you have tried numerous self help aides but seem to get nowhere really fast, so on my medication I must stay.

    enjoy life

  7. black_rose
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    9 January 2020 in reply to Skippa

    Hi Skippa,

    Just wanted to say I understand the highs and lows of Bipolar, it sucks.

    I was originally diagnosed with type 2 back in 2009, however 2 or 3 years ago it was changed to Type 1 after a psychotic episode.

    I was similar in that I wanted to avoid meds where I could, I took anti depressants because my lows were getting worse and I gave in after realising the depressive lows were going to kill me.

    I avoided the mood stabilisers (anti psychotics) due to major weight gain and really hates what they did to my body. 2 years ago I gave in and started taking them regularly. Despite the weight gain.

    I tried med free and it didn't work. For the most part they work. Thankfully.

    The part, I guess that stood out was you mentioned the angries, sadly I understand all too well what they are and how they affect those around you. They tell you to expect irritability, but the thing they don't tell you is it not just irritability, it's anger, it's rage, it's the small things turning into big things, it's this anger circling in your head, becoming big mountains till your seething wanting to scream, causing you to lash out at people you love. Well that's how it for me.

    Sorry I'm not much help. I guess what I'm trying to say is you're not alone. Bipolar sucks..

  8. Skippa
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    6 February 2020 in reply to black_rose

    G'day black_rose,

    Please excuse the time taken to reply to your message. Was back in the clinic for two weeks having yet another service.

    Yes you are so right bloody bipolar really sucks and I'm getting toward the end of my tether in putting up with it. Am now on two different meds which is better than the handful I was taking previously. One mood stabiliser and one antidepressant. The angries have settled for now but I just don't know for how long I'll be able to keep the beast at bay.

    Thank you for your message, it lets me know that I'm not the only one out here who has tried going med free and also feels the same way I do.

    Enjoy life,

    Skippa.

  9. quirkywords
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    6 February 2020 in reply to Skippa

    Skippa ,

    I am sorry you feel fed up with bipolar, I have lived with it for over 45 years and there are ups and downs. I stop being angry at having it and just try to deal with it.

    Everyone is different but my anger only made me more stressed.

    Keep writing here I am listening. Plus there is the thread This bipolar life full of friendly and supportive people.

    Quirky

  10. JohnC1
    JohnC1 avatar
    0 posts
    6 February 2020

    Hi everyone,

    would you mind if I joined the discussion with some thoughts.

    my lady (who has just kicked me out!) has the BP2 and its what I found helpful to understand the condition but also for the sufferers

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