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Topic: BPD person who needs a friend with knowledge of BPD

  1. Pandora Paradoxical
    Pandora Paradoxical avatar
    0 posts
    13 February 2020 in reply to Deckt
    Dear Deckt,

    Oh, you're a good egg!

    It's true what you said, though - if she still has misgivings about whether you love her or not after these three years and what you have been through together, there is nothing more you can do to persuade her. Sometimes you need to fall to absolute rock bottom to shock yourself into changing - that's the easiest part - it's the climbing out that's the hard bit. And she has chosen to reject someone who is willing to give her a step up, so now she has to find a way out herself.

    Re: lost message...be careful what you wish for, lol!! I wrote out the details of my latest bout of BPD with brutal honesty (despite my embarressment!!) because it's a way of owning what I did, acknowledging where I went wrong and a record to refer to if I am ever in the same situation again.

    I have resolved to try not to have another episode again, if possible! I am above this sort of behaviour, I know better and I won't have it ruling my life or affecting others. That's all there is to it - it's going to stop and I don't care what I do to get there!

    The biggest problem I had (and this is important for you to know too) was that I spent 17 years with a person who NEVER pulled me up on my behaviour, he just sucked it up and suffered. So, at first, I didn't realise what I was doing was wrong. In fact, I really didn't know until after we had been separated for about 2 years and I got it into my head to start dating.
    Guess what?! Other people were not as tolerant as my husband, so the more negative reactions I got, the more I wondered what I was doing wrong. Then I came across an article about a condition called BPD...and I literally felt sick to my stomach. It was me. On paper, in black and white, next to the other 'crazy' disorders. I had a MASSIVE reality check...and here I am.
    Still making mistakes, but getting better, bit by bit.

    If my husband had refused to be treated like he was by me, would have I come to these conclusions earlier?
    I think so, because past experience has always shown that when I am shown up in error, I will try and correct it. But we were young, I wasn't as insightful as I am now and we were busy just surviving life with 3 children. It's only now that I have had the time and space to work on it.

    Sigh. I hate how by the time we humans actually work stuff out, we are too old and decrepit to enjoy it!! Lol!!

    ;)

    K xxxx

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Deckt
    Deckt avatar
    37 posts
    13 February 2020 in reply to Pandora Paradoxical

    Hey K.

    You're a pretty good egg yourself. Speaking of synchronicity and coincidence? I was just thinking to myself that I need to let her hit rock-bottom, not thirty seconds before I read your latest, that says exactly what I was thinking.

    Now, enough about me. About you. It's a really admirable goal to never again have an episode. But consider this as well... plenty of people that are not BPD do BPD stuff. Rage, emotional disregulation and so on. Remember when I was talking about empathy, and that some people, to whom it doesn't come naturally, are that much more sensitive to it? I think that you will find the same thing - because you're aware that you may be more prone to emotional disregulation than other people, and you're intelligent and empathetic enough to care, it will be less of a problem. But it is not helpful to beat yourself up if/when it does happen.

    Now... in relation to being "old and decrepit"? Pish tosh. And yes, that makes me sound old! But if I remember your previous posts, you're 39? 39 is not old. At least, it better bloody not be, cos I'm 40!

    A happy thought, just in general. One of my favourite stories, inspired by your comment re climbing out from rock bottom;

    A guy is walking along in the forest, and falls in a hole. His doctor walks by, and he calls out, "Help!". The doctor writes him a prescription, throws it down the hole and walks on. Then his priest walks by. He writes a prayer on a piece of paper, throws it down the hold and walks on by. Then his friend walks past. "Hey Joe, help me, I'm stuck in this hole!" And his friend jumps down and joins him. The first guy says "Hey man, I appreciate the support, but what now? We're both stuck!" Joe says "Yeah man, but it's cool. I've been down here before, and I know the way out."

    Life starts at 40, K. :) We both have plenty of living to do.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Pandora Paradoxical
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    0 posts
    13 February 2020 in reply to Deckt
    Aaargh! My last message has been sent off to the Land of Mod again!! (scoffs at bad pun). I have no idea if it will reappear???!!!

    Anyway, at risk of using this platform as a proxy for social media....how did you get on after last night?
    I figured you probably did a lot of thinking and not much sleeping.

    K xxxx
  4. Pandora Paradoxical
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    0 posts
    13 February 2020 in reply to Deckt
    Dear Deckt,

    I have two updates to report: one good, the other makes me feel pretty awful, but it is good in a way that I have learned a valuable lesson.

    Firstly, I have decided to do a bit of a lifestyle overhaul.
    Because stress is one of the main precursors before an episode, I have decided to make it my mission to minimise it to a (well, my) tolerable level in the following ways - I have reduced my work hours and changed them around a little to reduce fatigue. I work as a farm hand at two dairies (I only have to work with a small amount of people, I get sunshine and fresh air and cows don't care if you are out of your tree! ?) so I left one dairy and am concentrating on one workplace. My milkings will be mostly afternoons, instead of at 4am and I have requested that my work concentrate around the calves that I raise. My boss has been fabulous and accommodating - I apologised for '...stuffing her around", but she laughed and said that she knows I am 'random' but I am good at my job, so she will help if she can. I am so lucky to work for her!! ?

    Also, I have decided to take a break from the news, fictional novels and social media and concentrate instead on trying to get some motivation back by doing creative pursuits - I bought a dollhouse kit to paint and outfit (as an early birthday present to myself ?), some modelling clay and will be getting some painting supplies. I have dragged out my crochet and knitting books and I am going to have a crack at that too.

    I have located a therapist about an hour away who deals with BPD, so I am investigating whether I can get an appointment with her and whether I can afford longterm treatment.

    I saw an advertisement on the community billboard about a dance class beginning on Monday nights, with a small group of people.
    I chickened out last Monday, but I am gathering courage to check it out this Monday coming. I have no idea how to dance, but I liked it at school and since it is being advertised as a 'social event', I thought I would give it a go. I'll probably end up getting dragged around by a bunch of 80 year olds, but what the hey??!! ?

    So, hopefully all that coupled with some forced gentle exercise (?), plenty of sleep, careful vetting of social occasions and not over-taxing myself on the excitement front, I should be on the road to recovery. ?

    Tbh, I am starting to feel more positive already and it has only been a couple of days.

    Now, number two: owning my behaviour and sucking up the results from it. ?

    You may remember that the reason I first wrote on this forum was because I had lost another friend due to an episode - so the following is a brief description of what happened.

    I listed myself on a dating website after a particularly nasty bout of lonliness and met a guy I liked. We got talking, but he had heaps of baggage and was quite hostile at first because he had been previously betrayed by other women.

    I worked really hard to gain his trust and push past the hostility (I had a feeling it wasn't a reflection of him as a person) and was rewarded when he opened up and we started to chat all the time.
    .....
     
  5. Guest_1968
    Guest_1968 avatar
    0 posts
    14 February 2020 in reply to Pandora Paradoxical

    Hi Pandoa Paradoxical (P.P.)

    Wanted to let you know about the post you hand sent on 7 February 2020. Very thought provoking. This is the very first post I've ever read on the bb forums that describes me 100% in every imaginable way. I really felt that your words from your heart are truly down to earth. Being, living and knowing so much about BDP, I could relate to your Whole post. As for your many questions in relation to hows, whys, etc., in BPD. I'm willing to share them with you how to overcome some of those obstacles that the majority of people absolutely have No understanding about about.

    Currently, I'm on a bit of a downer myself but when back to up and running again, I'm willing to help you feel more accepted by others. Plesse Don't expect miracles by the suggestions given. They Do help. My offer is geniune, yet I do know my limitations.

    It's one BPD to another BPD.

    Kindest regards,

    Klienekindt (KK)

  6. Pandora Paradoxical
    Pandora Paradoxical avatar
    0 posts
    14 February 2020 in reply to Guest_1968
    Dear KK,

    That would be awesome! I really appreciate you taking the time to help, particularly if you aren't feeling too great at the moment.

    Do you want to share about what has got you down? Maybe I can help in some way, everyone develops different coping mechanisms and something I have tried in the past might work for you?

    I keep telling myself every day when I wake up: I AM NOT MY BEHAVIOUR. I HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS THAT I AM ADDRESSING. I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY TOO, LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

    Try it! Say something often enough and it won't be long before you start to believe it.

    :)

    PP xxxxx
    1 person found this helpful
  7. Deckt
    Deckt avatar
    37 posts
    15 February 2020 in reply to Pandora Paradoxical
    Heyo....

    Sorry I haven't checked in. Yesterday was bananas, getting all packed up for my ex to move out. Just got it all loaded into the truck, so it's done.

    I'm feeling too exhausted for much else. I'm not sad, not angry. Just kind of empty, I guess.

    Anyway. How are you? Reading through your recent posts, it seems like you are in a good place?
    1 person found this helpful
  8. Pandora Paradoxical
    Pandora Paradoxical avatar
    0 posts
    15 February 2020 in reply to Deckt
    Dear Deckt,

    That's completely understandable - you have been fighting so hard for so long to try and make something work and now that it's not your responsibility, it will leave you feeling a bit empty....like, what do I do now?

    I suggest that you take some time out and give yourself some care and remember who you are as a person. That doesn't change just because you didn't achieve the result you were hoping for during this situation.

    You are the Deckt who continues to see the bright side of life and carries on despite diversity, even selflessly helping strangers in need while suffering your own challenges.

    Take a step back, process your thoughts and feelings and remember: you have a virtual support network right here at anytime if you need it. You just need to let us know how we can help. :)

    Huge hugs, K xxxxx

    PS Re: Sounding better - Yeah, I keep looking for those silver linings now. ;)
    1 person found this helpful
  9. Deckt
    Deckt avatar
    37 posts
    15 February 2020 in reply to Pandora Paradoxical
    Hey,

    Glad that things are looking up! The silver linings are there. Excelsior!

    What a day I've had... the move was the least stressful part.

    So tonight I get a voicemail from my ex. She's drunk. I'm used to that, but she's got such a high tolerance that when I can hear it in her voice, it's really bad. She's saying this stuff about 'final goodbyes'. I know what that means. Even though I know it's almost certainly an attention seeking thing, I can't leave it to chance. So I go and meet her. She can barely stand up. I ask her to self-admit to hospital to get help. She initially agrees, but changes her mind. I'm at my wits' end, so I end up taking her to the police, hoping that they can hold her on a mental health hold. They sent me home, but at least I know that she's in good hands.

    I'm ok with her hating me, as much as I love her. I just want her to live and be happy.

    Sorry for going on. It means so much to be able to share things with someone who understands.

    L
    1 person found this helpful
  10. Pandora Paradoxical
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    0 posts
    15 February 2020 in reply to Deckt
    Dear L,

    You are such a soft hearted soul!

    I understand your panic when your ex started referring to a final goodbye, but I think (and please forgive me for being blunt) by swooping in and rescuing her, you did not do her a favour - quite the opposite, in fact.

    Your ex knows what you are like. She knows that it doesn't matter what she does, she can rely on you to be there to catch her when she falls. And herein lies the problem: she is still not taking responsibility for her own actions. If she doesn't own her behaviour and make active steps herself to correct it, it just continues.

    Again and again, she will feel bad, she will call you, you will help her, she will see if you have changed your mind regarding your ultimatums and when you haven't...she will wait until she is strong enough to stand up on her own two feet and then fling you away again.

    You'll be left there, feeling devastated, because again you have put so much into helping her and it has made next to no difference. Your own emotional life will be in disarray and she will continue on regardless, until she needs you again.

    I firmly believe now that the key to handling someone with BPD is setting strong boundaries. We are damaged children inside and like children, need firm boundaries and rules to guide our behaviour - a 'black and white' set of instructions that override the emotional storm. Even if we fight against the rules at first, acting out and rebelling because the adult side of us will fight for autonomy (like your ex, now, because you put your foot down about the alcoholism) there is safety and security in having the rules there too.

    Think of it as an anchor - BPD people feel lost, disempowered, like we are at the mercy of the emotional tidal wave with nothing to hold onto.

    We have to have something to hold onto and believe in, which is why we cling so desperately to others to avoid floating away.

    I firmly believe you need to be steadfast in refusing to 'rescue' her until she takes the first steps to helping herself. She knows where to go and what to do...now she just has to do it!

    The sad truth is, she may choose to take her own life. Many BPD people do, as high as 10%, I believe. But that can happen regardless of whether you are there or not, L - it's just about the only decision in this world that you make completely selfishly. But we are damaged people already, L - long before you came along.

    You have shown her compassion, understanding and guidance - you need to let her decide what to do now.

    Anything else and you are doing this for YOU, not her. I know helping makes you feel wanted and validated as a human being and gives you a sense of purpose...but, in the long run, it isn't help. It's a flimsy band aid covering a much larger wound.

    Be the anchor, L. Weather the storm but stand fast.

    K xxxxx


  11. Deckt
    Deckt avatar
    37 posts
    16 February 2020 in reply to Pandora Paradoxical
    Hi K.

    Yeah, you're right. She was at a work function just before I saw her on Saturday, which means that I'll be surprised if she has a job on Monday. That wouldn't actually be a bad thing, as she needs to be in rehab.

    I can see that, unfortunately, no matter how much kindness and understanding I show to her, it's not helping. All I can do is step back and let the chips fall. It sucks, but there's literally nothing else I can do. I hate it, but I have to accept reality for what it is, not what I want it to be.

    Thanks for your kind words.

    L
  12. Pandora Paradoxical
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    0 posts
    16 February 2020 in reply to Deckt
    Dear L,

    Hang in there, buddy. You are in for a rough next couple of weeks as you work through what has happened. Be kind to yourself.

    K xxxx
  13. Deckt
    Deckt avatar
    37 posts
    16 February 2020 in reply to Pandora Paradoxical
    I am so tired of fighting and trying.
  14. Pandora Paradoxical
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    0 posts
    16 February 2020 in reply to Deckt
    I know, sweet. 😔

    There is nothing I can say that will take away the feelings that you have now, it will be a case, like many things that happen in our lives, of letting time pass to heal our broken hearts.

    Just remember that what has happened is not a reflection on the level of effort you have put in and don't let it discourage you.

    The saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink," is clearly the case here.

    Practice some self care, L - do what it takes to get yourself back to some sort of equilibrium and don't give up! Channel that commitment that you have to other people into yourself for once. You are just as important.

    Huge hugs, K xxxxx
  15. Pandora Paradoxical
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    0 posts
    16 February 2020 in reply to Pandora Paradoxical
    Err...In hindsight I should have chose a more appropriate saying - 😬😬😬😬.

    My apologies. But you get my drift.

    (Crawling under a rock with embarressment)

    K xxxx
    1 person found this helpful
  16. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    blondguy avatar
    900 posts
    16 February 2020 in reply to Pandora Paradoxical

    Hi Pandora Paradoxical!

    Great to have you on the forums and excuse I for being a very late poster on your thread...doh!

    You have written an excellent thread topic....I havent read through all of the 45 posts. Just asking if you have seen Kazzls 'This Bipolar Life' thread? (Kazzl hasnt been active for a while) Copy & Paste link below for you

    www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/this-bipolar-life

    I am not well versed on Bipolar except that it used to be called manic depression. I joined the forums as I was seeking some support with my depression

    Love your profile pic :-)

    my kind thoughts

    Paul

  17. Pandora Paradoxical
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    0 posts
    16 February 2020 in reply to blondguy
    Hi, Paul!

    Thanks for the warm welcome. 😊

    I'm not sure if you have interpreted my 'BPD' topic title as Bipolar Disorder - I am actually referring to Borderline Personality Disorder. But since I also have 'reactive mania' (episodes of mania brought on by prolonged stress) and suffer occasionally from depression, I will follow up on Kazzl's thread for sure.

    I am up for any helpful information from anyone!!

    Wow, you sure have made a lot of posts - you are a real veteran!! I hope communicating on here has brought some insight and relief for your depression.

    Kind regards,

    K xxxx
    1 person found this helpful
  18. Deckt
    Deckt avatar
    37 posts
    17 February 2020 in reply to Pandora Paradoxical

    Thanks K.

    I'm in so much pain right now. I don't know how much is stress/emotion related and how much is MS related. I just want to sleep for about a week. I'm still checking in, but my energy is so low.

  19. Pandora Paradoxical
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    0 posts
    17 February 2020 in reply to Deckt
    Oh, L. 😔

    I admit, when you said that you had a chronic illness, I suspected an autoimmune disorder or cancer - it is the scourge of our age group.

    You poor bugger.

    You do what you have to do to get through.

    If you have the energy, you could do an internet search of my name on here, you might be surprised at what you find.

    I know the one thing worse than knowing one BPD person is probably knowing another one, but I can't help caring. It's my thing.

    Take care, buddy.

    xxxx K
  20. Pandora Paradoxical
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    17 February 2020 in reply to Pandora Paradoxical
    Of the zuckerberg variety. 😉
  21. Pandora Paradoxical
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    19 February 2020 in reply to Deckt
    Hey, L

    Just wanted to check in and see how you are getting on.

    I hope you are starting to feel a little better.

    Kind regards,

    K xxxxx
  22. blondguy
    Life Member
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    900 posts
    20 February 2020 in reply to Pandora Paradoxical

    Hey K!

    oops!...I did read BPD as Bi Polar Disorder...When joined I didnt even know what BB stood for....seriously. Even now I still avoid abbreviations to avoid confusion

    Thankyou for your very kind post and yes there has been a ton of support here with my anxiety/depression. I actually joined the forums to provide support to people that were experiencing anxiety symptoms as well as getting some support on depression after being made redundant from a senior management role

    I am not well versed on Borderline Personality Disorder...yet :-)

    Great to have you as part of the Beyond Blue forum family K....You are amazing..with a great attitude x

    my kind thoughts

    Paul

  23. Pandora Paradoxical
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    20 February 2020 in reply to blondguy
    Dear Paul,

    That's so great that you have returned to the forums after your own battle to provide support for others - what a champ!!

    Yeah, Borderline Personality Disorder is the WORST, honestly. It's all about being unable to regulate your own emotions, being hypersensitive to all stimulus and having terrible attachment coping mechanisms with other people - it effects every single second of my life while interacting with others.

    I am trying really, really hard to stay positive and do as much work as I can to try and keep on top of it - although, as my misery binge breakfast of about half a kilo of bbq chicken wings and a block of chocolate indicates...some days are better than others. 🙄

    The most difficult part is the emptiness and loneliness, which is what I am struggling with today. But I am schooling myself into accepting what comes with it and even if I can't change how I feel, I certainly have control over how I react.

    Although me lying on the floor, in front of the fridge with my dogs this morning, shouting at the universe about how unfair everything is may be an indicator I am still a work in progress!! 😏

    Anyway, thank you again for the welcome - I am hoping I can help out some people too by being honest about BPD. We are all human beings and we all have our struggles. We need to support each other. 😊

    Kindest regards,

    Kar-Lee xxxxx



    1 person found this helpful
  24. Deckt
    Deckt avatar
    37 posts
    21 February 2020 in reply to Pandora Paradoxical

    Hey K,

    I'm still here. I'm not feeling better - I feel worse every day. LIke I'm turning my back on her when she needs me. Even though logically I know that the only way that she is ever going to accept that she needs help is to really hit rock bottom. My life feels completely empty. I'm looking ahead at the weekend, and just wondering how I'm going to get through it. I have nothing to look forward to.

    Hope that things are better with you.

  25. Pandora Paradoxical
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    0 posts
    21 February 2020 in reply to Deckt
    Dear L,

    You have done everything you could possibly do for someone - there isn't anything else you CAN do.

    Sometimes people don't want to be rescued or want to face the reality of their situation - so you have to let them find out for themselves. It's really hard to watch from the sidelines, especially when you love that person, but sometimes that is all you can do.

    You need to protect yourself too, L - the risk of being a sensitive and understanding soul (as I think you are) is that you will give too much and become depleted. I think this is what is happening to you now. You gave and gave and gave...but it didn't achieve what you wanted. It's frustrating and disheartening, but don't let it destroy you. The very traits that are making you hurt now are the most wonderful things about people like you.

    Don't let what happened taint who you are because when (not IF, but when) you meet someone truly deserving of your care and support, you still want to be able to do so without bitterness...and, this time, be part of a more equal, healthier relationship in return.

    I know you are feeling empty and lonely right now and nothing I can say will take that away...but time will.

    Now's a good time to reach out to your closest friends and family. Let them remind you of how important and appreciated you are in their lives and share your burden a little.

    Please take care, sweet. It will get better. I promise.

    Kar-Lee xxxx


    1 person found this helpful
  26. Deckt
    Deckt avatar
    37 posts
    21 February 2020 in reply to Pandora Paradoxical

    I am destroyed.

    I don't have close friends. When I deleted FB eighteen months ago - due to jealousy - no one noticed, or if they did, cared enough to reach out and see if I was ok. The only family I'm close with are my kids.

    I want to believe that this will pass, and will get better. But when? I don't know how much longer I can keep being strong.

  27. Pandora Paradoxical
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    21 February 2020 in reply to Deckt
    You are by no means destroyed, L.

    You are the same, courageous person who puts themselves out on a limb for others despite adversity - now you need to find that strength and motivation and use it to pull yourself back up.

    As for your friends and family from Facebook, you have two choices: you can believe they abandoned you (when they may have taken it as you needing space when you deleted it) or you can seek them out and reconnect. Take the first step. You NEED support from the people who know you best. Additionally, you should consider a professional therapist who can look at your situation and give you an unbiased viewpoint and perhaps also to give you a guideline on how to move forward in a healthy way.

    There is no shame in asking for help.

    L, I can't give you a timeline of when you will feel better, but you will. Remember that.
    Like any other loss, you will go through all of the stages of coming to terms with it until you come to acceptance.

    You are suffering. You need to let that take its course, as awful as it is, because pain hurts us for a reason: so we learn from what happened and try not to repeat the same actions.

    I am an emotional wreck of a human being, but even I know that there is a beginning, a middle and an end to a crisis. You have just got to hang in there for the duration and try to come out of it stronger and wiser.

    Give yourself time. Pay attention to how and why you feel the way you do and see what lessons you can find in your observation. Distract yourself, give yourself some TLC - anything that relieves your grief in a healthy way.
    (I don't recommend chicken wings and chocolate if you don't like an upset stomach!! 🤮)

    Most of all, read back over the inspirational stuff that you have posted here to help others. You ARE still that guy, you are in no way diminished because you need a helping hand now and you will be back to yourself again...in time.

    Massive hugs,

    Kar-Lee xxxx

    1 person found this helpful
  28. blondguy
    Life Member
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    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    900 posts
    22 February 2020 in reply to Pandora Paradoxical

    Hey Hey Kar-Lee!

    Thankyou for explaining Borderline Personality Disorder...It would be an awful place to be in. I thought that chronic anxiety was bad news... We seem to share many of the same symptoms....What do you do to alleviate the severity of your condition? I havent returned to the forums....I joined in Jan 2016 after being made redundant and have been here since :-)

    I hope you are having a good weekend

    my kind thoughts

    Paul

    1 person found this helpful
  29. Pandora Paradoxical
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    22 February 2020 in reply to blondguy
    Dear Paul,

    Yeah, I have a lot of crossover symptoms that are part of it too - anxiety, depression and episodes of mania if I get too stressed.

    What do I do to alleviate symptoms? Three words: EPIC SELF CONTROL. The problem being, of course, that if I am sick or tired or stressed, my ability to maintain that self control becomes impaired, so I lapse into episodes. I lose the ability to maintain the fragile facade that is keeping it all together!! (Sounds dramatic, eh??!! 🤣)

    BPD is a lot about poor impulse control - you feel things SO intensely that you react accordingly. I have learned to (mostly) internalise the impulses, but the problem is, it builds up and it's hard work maintaining it. I eventually get so overwhelmed that I have to purge...and off I go on an explosive episode!

    The idea is to not get to purge-level stress to start off with. I have to be careful what sort of exposure I have to stress (good or bad, it makes no difference) and be extra careful if I am unwell etc.

    Take today for example: tomorrow is my 40th birthday. My lovely aunt tried to organise a celebration of sorts for today with my closest cousins...but I politely declined. Why? I am tired and rundown at the moment, I have already had yo-yoing symptoms of despair vs depression this week and I am naturally an introvert - social occasions are tiring because I have to pretend I am an extrovert. These things all add up to teetering instability so I am not poking the hornet's nest.
    I feel guilty, of course, because it was a lovely gesture - but I know how my mind rolls. If I push myself today, I will have nothing left for the psych and dentist appointments I have tomorrow.

    So, it's about knowing your limits and (politely) enforcing your boundaries.

    I can't change ALL of the things that contribute to my BPD - they are intrinsically linked with my entire personality, which has some pretty good perks to it too, such as empathy...so it's a delicate balance.

    My life is about intensity, which is great if that covers happiness, contentment, love and motivation. Not so great if it's anger, despair, loneliness or depression.
    But it cycles rapidly, so I know I just have to hold on until the mood shifts...and then it's off on another (hopefully, more enjoyable!) tangent.

    Hope that helps explain things. 😊

    Hugs! Kar-Lee xxxx


    1 person found this helpful
  30. Pandora Paradoxical
    Pandora Paradoxical avatar
    0 posts
    23 February 2020 in reply to Deckt
    Dear L,

    Just checking in to see if you are feeling a little better after the weekend.

    You are probably in (or about to go into) the angry and why me? stage....and that's ok.
    (You are probably pretty miffed at me and my attempt-at-being-helpful messages too, but I am tough. 😊 I just want to make sure you know you aren't alone.)

    Sometimes stuff happens regardless of all of your good intentions and it can be frustrating. The best thing we can do is acknowledge where things may have gone wrong and store that information for a later situation. Then we need to accept that this is the way things are now and make plans for where you want to be, emotionally.

    Look ahead, L. See yourself in a couple of weeks calmer and more in control. Hold tight just a little longer until you get to a better place.

    Remember those wonderful kids you have - they need their father. 😊

    Kindest regards,

    Kar-Lee xxxxx
    1 person found this helpful

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